Bailey

Dear Bailey,

I wonder if that's how you spell your name. I don't know your last name either. But I'll never forget our brief meeting that day two or three years ago. It had a profound impact on me in a way that changed me in how I'll be moving forward in my life.

It all started in a Walmart parking lot. While searching for a spot to park, I noticed you walking towards the sidewalk. As if drawn by some unseen force, our eyes met and time slowed to a crawl for a beat. Something about the way we looked at each other sent an unexplained feeling through me. A feeling that said, "she's the one."

The way your gaze lingered on me made me wonder if you felt something similar.

I was instantly compelled to talk to you, so as soon as I found parking, I rushed up to the sidewalk in hopes of seeing you near the entrance. But you must have been faster. It must have taken me longer to find that parking spot.

Still, I remained hopeful. I kept my eye out for you as I looked for the few items I needed. I couldn't help but rush a bit, too. All I could think about was the chance to talk to you, to say hi, to tell you how cool your style was, and maybe ask for your number if you showed any interest in me, too.

But what if you were already checking out as I grabbed my conditioner and shampoo? What if you were already outside as I made my way to checkout? Crestfallen to find myself and only a few NPC characters at the self-checkout, I realized I'd missed my chance.

So, as I grabbed my bag and receipt, I headed for the doors. Except, there you were. At the last self-checkout. You must have just started while I was finishing up. Heart racing, hope reignited–I decided to wait for you.

I couldn't help but admire your tattoos, you were wearing mostly black and I loved your hair. Short, buzzed on one side, blondish-brown I think. But what stuck out the most to me was the confident energy that radiated from you.

I think that's another reason why I was so drawn to you.

You have to understand, this is completely out of the norm for me. As an introvert with ADHD and anxiety, mustering up the courage to talk to a stranger felt so unlike me, exciting, and scary all at the same time. Something about your confidence must have coaxed my own out of me.

When you turned around to leave, I noticed your earbuds and, for a moment, I reconsidered. If you had earbuds in you probably wanted to be left alone. But something told me I should go for it.

Taking a step toward you, but not too close that I was encroaching on your personal space, I raised my hand in a small wave. You looked up, removed an earbud, and smiled.

"Hey," I said, "I saw you earlier in the parking lot and I just wanted to tell you I thought you looked really cool. I like your style."

Your eyes lit up. "Yeah, I saw you earlier too. I thought you looked really cute."

Through the erratic beating of my heart and my jumbled-up brain, somehow, I managed to thank you and ask you for your name.

We tried to have a conversation. It was awkward, but it was fun. I remember you asking me about what gym I went to because you were thinking about switching gyms. I remember telling you before rambling about my anxiety being around the beefy dudes there.

Ugh, I cringe thinking about it now. Looking back, I should have suggested we become workout buddies.

After an awkward silence, you said, "Well, maybe I'll see you around," and I realized our short walk was over. We'd parked in the same area, but she was heading right while I was heading left. I wanted to ask for your number then, but the words that came out were, "Yeah, see ya."

Torn between slipping into my car in silence or reaching back out to you, I watched as you weaved between the parked vehicles. Each moment of hesitation felt heavier, my confidence waning with every second that passed until it was too late.

You were too far away. It'd be ridiculous to call out to you now.

As I sat in my car, I watched you mount a sleek black bike. Now I was sitting there internally screaming at how much cooler you were, and the regret sank in hard and fast.

I should have just asked. But I had been too scared. I don't even know what I was scared of exactly. I think it was the old me that held me back. The old me that said, "Let others lead. Don't make the first move. You don't want to look desperate."

And I've been kicking myself every day for it since. Even if it turned out you weren’t bisexual too, I know we would have been great friends. But despite the regret, it taught me something important. It encouraged me to embrace my bisexuality more proudly and to be unapologetically confident.

My husband (yes I'm married, but he's very supportive of me) was excited to hear the story when I told him and was also bummed with me when I confessed that I hadn't asked for your number. Looking back, I wonder if you were nervous too.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know, that despite how much time has passed, I still think of you when I see someone zooming through town on a black bike and anytime I go to Walmart. But if we ever cross paths again, or I meet someone else who catches my interest like you did, I promise I'll be brave.

I'm grateful I met you. Thank you, Bailey.