Are you afraid to give up your struggle?

My mother, an unwavering spiritual woman who was always looking for a way to deepen her understanding of herself and others, recently attended a meeting at our church where she served as a prayer practitioner.

Each participant spoke about problems they were working on, some rooted in relationships, others in careers.

When it was my mom's turn to share, she said she was again overwhelmed by the financial problems that were looming after recent layoffs left both her and my dad unemployed.

One of the women turned to her and said simply, "Are you ready to give up the struggle?"

Her first reaction was, "Yes, of course. Who wants to struggle?" But when she sat down with the idea, she noticed the pattern, the strings of attachment and the rewards of being in a constant state of turmoil, worry and uncertainty.

As she told me this story, I began to notice how my dedication to the struggle had shaped my life experience.

In fact, if I was really real, I could see that I'd been in various states of struggle for years - the silent kind with endless worry, and the dramatic kind loud and, well, dramatic.

Here are three key areas where I've learned to accept - and even embrace - the benefits of this struggle, in which a lack of richness and flow has become the norm:

money

Even if I found myself earning more money, I wouldn't allow change to appear anywhere other than in my bank account.

I still talk about money like there's no money. I am still very careful about my purchases and never allow myself to be generous with my money.

The benefits of my financial situation or the rewards of the struggle are a way to gain sympathy and support from those around me. It also allows me to continue the belief I've held for as long as I can remember -- that the more money you have, the further you fall, and the more damage you'll do when you land.

professional

When opportunity and praise were offered on a silver platter, or when the universe would provide a subtle nudge to move in a certain direction, I chose a story instead, that there was nothing there for me.

In many ways, I had put the brakes on my career before it was allowed to take off.

The benefits? Being "trapped" all the time makes me stop taking risks and put myself in a situation where I may not know what I'm doing.

If I can say there are no opportunities there, then all the attention is no longer something that I myself am not paying attention to.

Relationship between

Most of the struggles I experience in my relationships revolve around an inability to bend, an attachment to being "right," and a desire to control my surroundings.

I've struggled because I spend more time focusing on what others need to change than what I can adjust and allow myself to grow.

The benefits? Self-reflection is exhausting, and it's much easier to blame others for their shortcomings than to examine your own.

Playing the victim is a get-out-of-jail-quick card that I've used as a fallback to avoid the uncomfortable nature of change.

As I sifted through the current and past consequences of my attachment to the struggle, the most important emotion was fear - fear that I would feel deeply disappointed if I let go of the struggle and opened the door to abundance - that I would have more to do than ever to lose.

Putting what I want at arm's length and playing with stories about things not going my way is a counterproductive way to protect yourself. This appearance prevents me from making decisions and, more importantly, from making changes.

Here are five questions to help you determine if you, too, are committed to struggle:

Do you repeat stories of things that have happened to you, in general, "I always end up broke" or "My relationships will never last?"

Do you make a list of things you should worry about when things seem to be going well?

Do you find yourself repeating "negative" situations over and over with different people?

Do you appeal to what's happening "out there" or what happened in the past instead of focusing on your inner thoughts and beliefs?

Do you find it easier to seek sympathy than to cause change?

If we were to examine our society -- the conversations we follow and the news we watch -- we might see the underlying social belief that struggle is a necessary part of the human experience.

To get something better, we must fight. We have to work hard to have something to share with others. We have to fight, because that's how we learn.

Listening and letting go

But just as we must release the beliefs we hold as individuals that prevent us from living a happy and fulfilling life, we must release these social beliefs and patterns that prevent us from standing in the flow of abundance in all areas of our experience.

The truth is that the flow of the universe is designed to show us that we do not intend to live in constant struggle. We should grow and be attracted to people and experiences that speak to us on a deeper level.

We are constantly being led to create a better life - it's just a matter of listening and letting go.