Anything but Merlot

We entered the bare dark room and sitting there was a woman dressed in a black trench coat with slick high heeled red Prada shoes. Her stern brown eyes pierced through her tiny glasses as she examined us. And her pale face, intense with utter disgust for us being there in the same room as her, made it clear that we weren’t at her level of standards. She stared at us for quite awhile and then went on asking,

“Who are you?”

The devilish woman said as she crossed her long legs. She was a drag queen, who was also a fortune teller, from one of the bars a couple doors down. And if I can recall correctly, it was strangely disco night for some reason. Anways, she was covered head to toe in brand and was nothing but convincing with her cold mannerisms of a character I swear I know from a movie.

Richard and I, or at least I think that’s his name, just left the bar after a drink or two not long ago.

“We are here for our eight o’clock appointment.”

Richard said shyly. I really don’t remember if that’s his name, but we are going with Richard for now. The drag queen fortune teller gave us a gesture with her hand to sit and so we did.

It was a very square and grungy room with not alot of space. It kind of reminded me of one of those dungeons in the medieval times. It was dark and cold with the ceiling very low.

The room was lit by many tiny black candles behind her on a bookshelf. The flames of the candles were blood red and they crackled from time to time, which felt like they were actually whispering something. A charm of some sorts. Yes, the candles were talking and I was going crazy.

At this point, I started to freak out just a little bit. I didn’t know what we were doing here. There were oddly no books on the shelf, just the tiny candles and a huge dragon sculpture in the background that also looked very familiar.

“Why was that?”

I thought to myself. This room felt like I’ve been here before, but I couldn’t put my finger on why that was. It was all too confusing for me. I had no idea what was going on or what exactly was happening.

In the center of the room was a round black table. On the table sat a fine bottle of Merlot from Bright Cellars and a huge black wine glass with envy green thorns. The fortune-teller took the Merlot and poured the entire bottle into the black wine glass.

“Now drink. For wine is for everyone.”

She said, smirking. Richard and I gave each other a hesitant look. All I was thinking was why he decided to do this on our first date. I give him credit for doing something different and interesting, but this was way out of my comfort zone. My whole body was covered in goosebumps and I couldn’t feel my legs. I had no idea what Richard was thinking at this point.

“Did he regret bringing me here? Did he not think this was getting weird?”

I started to wonder. All I knew was that my heart was pounding very quickly at this point and all I wanted to do was get the hell out of here. But for some reason, my body couldn’t move. I was glued to the chair and to the situation we were in. I also kind of wanted to yell for help, but I also couldn’t open my mouth. I started to wonder if the drag queen put a spell on us when we first got there.

I gave Richard permission to go first. He picked up the wine glass and took a sip.

“That’s a tasty Merlot."

He said awkwardly laughing. I knew deep down inside, he was as panicked as I was. It was nice to see him so calm and collective though. I was kind of impressed with him trying to show a good brave face. It was really cute to see him trying to make a good impression.

As I kind of melted into this endearing moment, I completely forgot that we were in this bizarre situation for a second and then I came back to it, for it was my turn to drink out of the glass. I was dreading this, but I had no other option but to go with it so I took the glass carefully and drank. The drag queen fortune teller looked at us and started to laugh hysterically getting louder and louder.

“YOU FOOLS! AHAHAHAHA!”

She yelled frightfully. Her evil laughter scared me out of my living soul. I didn’t know what was happening, and I still couldn’t get out of my seat. She was hanging from the ceiling at this point and her head was spinning, spewing blood everywhere. It was so surreal, but I still couldn’t get out of my chair and I still couldn’t get my mouth to open to scream for help.

At this point, I didn’t know where Richard went. I was in such a panic I didn’t even notice him disappear. The maniacal laughter continued from the drag queen and the room started to spin. My body was completely numb and I started to cry in fear.

Then, all of a sudden, she stopped with her head completely positioned upside down from her body, and in an extremely loud demonic deep voice she forcefully yelled,

“THAT’S ALL! AHAHAHAHA. AHAHAHAHA."

The laughter continued for a little while longer and the room stopped spinning.

My alarm went off. I looked at my iPhone and saw a text from Richard.

“Still down for drinks tonight at Bar Chloe on the lower east side?"

“Yes, definitely. I can’t wait to meet you.”

Richard sent the smile emoji and also asked, “What drink should I order for you?”

I chuckled a little bit.

“Anything but Merlot. A Bordeaux, perhaps?”

I texted back giggling to myself.

Here I was in my tiny New York apartment in Manhattan, in my bed with The Devil Wears Prada still on from last night.