Another Year Over

As New Year's Eve quickly approaches, millions around the world will resolutely declare their New Year's Resolution for the year ahead. These resolutions will vary widely, from losing weight, to getting a promotion, to buying a new home (or a second home), but they all have one thing in common: we believe achieving them will make us happy.

Unfortunately, New Year's resolutions are a failed tradition, one that dooms us from the start.

Why?

Because it all begins with taking stock of our have nots. At the end of each hard-fought year, we don't celebrate the obstacles we overcame, or the struggles we survived. No. Instead, we look back at our lives and scrutinize all the ways in which we have failed, all the ways we are not perfect, all the things we don't have, and then we set some outlandish goals to achieve it all THIS YEAR.

It all begins with believing something else in the far future will make you happy. Afterall, the pursuit of happiness drives everything we do, does it not? New Year's Resolutions are no different. We believe that somehow, if we get that promotion, or lose 30 pounds, or buy our dream home, we will be happier for it.

But the one thing I have learned in life thus far, is that nothing can make you happy if you aren't already happy with where you are.

That may sound insane. Your life may be a miserable shit storm of one struggle after the other (I've been there), but it's true. I believe the true challenge, the true purpose of life, is to claim happiness in the present moment, despite all the imperfections, failures, and struggles of life.

If we are unable to find our own happiness, then it can always be taken away. If happiness is something attained by circumstance, then it will always be impermanent, and you will live in constant fear of losing it - because it was never truly yours to begin with.

If it was truly yours, if happiness was something you cultivated within you, then nothing could take your happiness away.

It's no secret that humans have long mistakenly believed that the achievement of goals, aspirations, and material possessions are the key to happiness. Intellectually, we understand this not to be true. Yet, we still buy into it. We still play the game. We forgo happiness until.... we buy our dream home, until we find our soulmate, until we start our own successful company...until...

Any yet, when we get there, we don't experience happiness. We might fool ourselves into believing it's happiness, but we are simply confusing happiness with a fleeting satisfaction, a moment of relief, a sense of pride or accomplishment, but it's not happiness. Because it's not true happiness, in a few days, weeks, or months, we create a new "until", and once again we are off chasing the ever illusive "happiness".

Why do we do partake in this never-ending cycle of madness? Especially when we logically understand this belief to be false?

It's because we do not believe we can be happy where we are, in the present.

There are too many struggles, too many problems, not enough money, too much stress, and not enough love, to be happy NOW.

For myself, I am tired of riding the ride that goes nowhere, and this year, instead of crafting a New Year's Resolution of empty goals that will not achieve me happiness, I resolve to find happiness, here and now, exactly as things are.

Like most people, I have problems, I have struggles, and there is never enough money. I have cellulite and wrinkles and my hair is greying way too fast for my own comfort, yet, this year, my resolution is to cease fighting against all that and embrace what is NOW.

Lately, whenever I have found myself getting anxious, worried, discouraged, frustrated, or stressed, I have forced myself to focus on something in my life right now that I am grateful for. I set my mind to focus on that thing and really appreciate it for several minutes. I roll it around in my mind and examine it from every angle, taking my time to appreciate its presence in my life. Somedays, I am grateful for something as simple as the hot water for my shower. Other days, I am grateful for the health and safety of my son, and other times, I am grateful for the roof over my head and the food in my fridge.

It's astonishing how much in my life I overlooked before starting this practice.

A few weeks in and I feel lighter, calmer, and dare I say, happier? My life circumstance has not changed, my problems didn't disappear, my wrinkles are still there in full force, and money didn't fall from the sky, yet I am happier.

Why?

Happiness is like a muscle that has to be exercised. It is a skill that has to be nurtured and honed to perfection. You see, happiness does not come naturally to humans, it is something we must work at, and develop over time with practice and effort.

The regular practice of gratitude for what is, is the first step to developing the muscle of happiness.

This New Year's, instead of focusing on all the ways I could be better, (healthier, stronger, more attractive), or securitizing all the ways my life could better (richer, more successful, powerful), I simply resolve to practice happiness, here and now, until I have developed the skill of happiness, and then no one can take it from me.

Wishing you all a truly Happy New Years!