Ancient Divergence

As the old Frank Sinatra song goes, regrets I’ve had a few…. But then again, it seems that most people have some regrets in their life. For me, most of my regrets occur when I let others in to my heart. Too often I let people’s opinions affect how I think of me rather than believing in myself and being strong. Regretfully, this allows people to walk all over me or treat me poorly. Especially when it comes to a majority of my relationships with men. I seem to have a bad habit of making wrong choices in boyfriends.

One particular case of choosing a faulty flame happened in my junior year of college soon after I moved to California. I spent the previous summer visiting my sister, and had the most amazing, remarkable, wild, and eye-opening adventures. While here, I met some unusually colorful people that lived in a hotel above a row of stores in Glendale. Through my experiences with these outcasts, I absolutely fell in love with the open vibe of the California culture. But that is a story for another time…So by winter semester I transferred schools and I was studying theater at Cal State Northridge. All of my new friends (and beaus) came from the theater department since that was where I spent most of my time. One of my first “serious” hook-ups was with a man who did lighting and theater tech like me. We worked late nights on shows, which meant we ended up spending a lot of time together. So, eventually, one thing led to another and we got to know each other more intimately. Throughout the whole semester, we got to be pretty close, and started spending many nights together. I thought all was going well and that he really liked me, but little did I know the devilish truth about him.

When spring came, I found out about this entire other world that Dick (as I will call him) was involved with- the Renaissance Faire. It turns out, he performed with an English Country Dance group at the Faire every weekend for six weeks. Needless to say I was totally dumbfounded by this news- I had no clue about his alter ego. He invited me to join him at the Faire site to see if I might be interested in working there as well. This sounded compelling to me and I figured what the hell- I would have to go there if I wanted to be with him. So I agreed to attend the workshops, where they recruit and train people to be a part of Renaissance Faire. I had seen period villages while living in Virginia, but was not prepared for the California version of an historical reenactment. This was more reminiscent of a 1960’s festival with a drug party culture brewing within. It was the 80’s and I was 20, so that all sounded good to me. But I am getting ahead of myself.

So here I go, off with Dick to dive into this new experience. As we drove out there from the city, I felt the trappings of the modern world fall by the wayside with each passing mile of fields, flowers, and wooded hillsides. I could almost sense the clock moving backwards as we got closer to the site. While we hiked up to the workshop area, the sounds of the tin whistle, Celtic harp, and the harmonic choral choir created the impression of warping time.

Once Dick and I got closer to the activities, I noticed that our interactions changed. So many people knew Dick here that his attentions wandered elsewhere. As if forgetting we were there together, he no longer walked beside me. He was too busy hugging and kissing other people, especially some very affectionate women! When we got to the booth where I was to register for workshops, Dick wandered off on his own. The “newbies”, as we were called, had to do all these classes, but the more seasoned performers could just skate their way in (as I learned in following years). We arranged to meet later at the dance workshop held by his troupe. In order to perform here, I had to learn the history, culture, wordplay, and habits of working Faire. The group leaders started with the historical aspects of the era and the town, and then moved on to the period speech. There was so much for me to learn in only one day. Fortunately, I was enjoying myself so much I forgot about Dick’s distracted behavior.

Morning flowed quickly into afternoon and the day had left my head buzzing. I was reveling in the thoughts of entering this whole new world. All seemed to be going so well until I walked up to the dance area for the afternoon class. I noticed MY boyfriend with his arms around another woman. They were sitting very close and it looked like something more intimate was going on. Not noticing I was there, Dick leaned in and kissed her- definitely more than just friends. My heart sank, how could this be?

Before I could say or do anything, the leader of the dancers came out and told everyone to pair up. Dick went to someone else as a partner, I don’t think he had even noticed me standing there. For now, we were learning the moves of some English country dances, and I was loving every minute of this class. I had done some other folk dancing in my youth, so this was easy for me to grasp. As the lesson progressed, I thought I could absolutely enjoy doing this every weekend. But there was still this troubling feeling in my heart about Dick and that woman!

After the class was over, many of us hung around, mostly people that already knew members of the troupe or were looking to join. While we were loitering about, one of the main dancers came over to talk to me. She introduced herself as Katie (the names have been changed to protect the guilty). First, she complimented me on my dancing and how fast I seemed to pick up the moves. Then she said I should consider being a volunteer in their dance group. Desperate, I found myself looking around for Dick while she spoke- where was he? She noticed my attention was elsewhere and asked, “Who are you looking for?”. I told her I came here with Dick and that we went to school together. To my utter surprise she said “Oh you mean Susan’s boyfriend. I saw them walk off at the end of the last set”. What!! Susan’s BOYFRIEND was all I could hear in my head. Imagine how I felt hearing the guy I thought was my boyfriend was also someone else’s. I wanted to learn more about this development, so I kept her talking. Eventually, I found out that Susan and Dick’s long distance relationship had been going on for a few years. They mostly got together at Faire, which many people do- have faire affairs. This definitely was a free spirited environment: dance parties (pre-rave raves), acid trips, orgies, one night hookups, and madcap exploits that often occurred after hours.

Katie went on to tell me about herself and some of the other people in their troupe. She said they were like a family, and did many enjoyable things outside of Faire. I told her a little about myself, but not the parts about Dick and I being together. Some of the other dancers, musicians, and lingering people began to gather near us. Many flasks and joints were passed around, so I joined in. These faire folk were so inviting and intriguing. Little did I know at the time that these people would be my future acquired family, the one you choose to be a part of your life. In just this one afternoon, connections were already being forged. Not long after the workshops, I became accepted as one of their own.

Finally, Penny, the leader of the troupe, came out to talk to those left who wanted to participate. While trying to interest me, she gave me some history of how they came to be, who they are, and why I should consider signing on. Then we talked more on a personal level, and found we had a lot in common. We liked many of the same things- music, theater, philosophy, and dancing to name a few. Joining sounded good to me, except for one immensely nagging problem- DICK!

While everyone was conversing and partaking, Dick and Susan returned to the group. Susan hastily came over to join us for a puff. Immediately, I got such a warm vibe from her, she had an effervescent personality and was so engaging. How could I like this woman who was taking away my man? Or was it I who had taken hers- this was all so confusing! Even though they had been having this relationship for years, it still seemed so casual to me. I was used to a very different view of relations in my world.

As we chatted, I couldn’t help but notice that Dick wasn’t here with either of us. He was over talking to a group of young teenage ladies, and was busy trying to put his arms around one of them. No one seemed bothered by this, not even Susan, who was now asking about how I came to Faire. I gave her the story about meeting Dick at school, etc. etc. Once again, I decided to keep the more intimate parts out of our conversation. I needed to decide how to deal with this situation. It was definitely strange to be so glib with the “other woman”. If this were a movie, we would be frantically scratching eyes and pulling hair in a flailing cat fight. But this is reality, and one has to weigh carefully their options. Susan didn’t even seem to mind him flirting with other girls. At most, she called him over to admonish him for trying to pick up on minors- jail bait as she called them. Dick didn’t seem too bothered that we were talking to one another- people here sure have a peculiar way of living.

Time flew, and we all stayed until the sun was nearly set. We said our goodbyes with a see you next weekend and headed for the car. They wanted me to be a part of them, and I found I did too. But I still had that one big problem- what to do about DICK. My head was ready to explode, and I had no idea what I would do next.

We kept the chat light on the drive home, talking mostly about the troupe and the Faire. I needed to ingest what had just unfolded and figure out my next step. Not only in my personal relationship, but I had to also consider if I absolutely wanted to join the Renaissance Faire. It is a fascinating place where art, music, and magic meld in synchronicity with times past and present. But then there was this other aspect of free love and open relations that didn’t quite sit well with me. I am more a one on one kind of girl, and still pretty new to the whole sexual evolution. I needed time to think about all of this.

As we were getting close to the Valley, I asked Dick to take me straight to my home. I made my excuses to him, telling him I was tired from a very eventful day. Being a bit distant, I gave him a quick hug and an air kiss while I got out as fast as I could. After I got back to my room, all I could think about were today’s insane events. How could this man be so loving and close, yet be all over others? How could he have been having another relationship while WE were having one? How many other women was he or had he been doing this with? Sometimes what you think is special turns out it is not, and you are really just another notch on their bedpost. As I lay alone in my bed that night, a terrible feeling came over me. In a way, this was all so confounding and very sad. But on the other hand, if I hadn’t met Dick, I may have never gone to Faire, and experienced this wonderful world. I had just met some of the most fascinating people and I really, really liked them. Including Susan, the other woman! How could I reconcile all of these crazy feelings? This world is a strange place at times, and I was beginning to have regrets about ever meeting Dick or going out to Faire. What should I do?

As the school week began, I realized that no matter what I would still have to be around Dick. I tried to avoid him, but I could only put it off for so long. Though we often spent the night together, I used my excuse of not feeling well to evade him for the rest of the week. But I would eventually have to face our sticky situation. None of this bothered him at all, he was the usual jovial and intimate guy he was before. It was an acceptable way of life to him that made him happy. Not to me. Regret set in more, and I still had no idea of what I would do. I had to either accept it, or reject it, but eventually I had to face it.

So the following weekend was now this weekend, and Dick and I went out again to Faire workshops. The more I hung out there, the more I enjoyed being there and the more I wanted to be a part of this place. When I went to dance rehearsals, I had a feeling of total acceptance with these new friends. As we conversed, Penny, Katie, Susan and I found we had plenty of shared ideals and interests. I felt like this is where I belonged. Though, I was also still upset about Dick’s philandering ways- I couldn’t reconcile my feelings with his free love lifestyle. And the longer Susan and I talked, the more I recognized we were kindred spirits. So, I decided I should tell her about Dick and I. She did not seemed surprised at all, nor upset- they had an open relationship. I told her this was difficult for me, I have a more traditional view of intimate relationships. While we were discussing our differing approaches, I did come to one realization. Who did I care for more- these people in the dance troupe, or Dick? Thinking intently, I decided I liked the dance troupe family, and Susan, more than I liked being Dick’s girlfriend. I expressed this to Susan and we both agreed-we liked each other and our friendship more than we cared about Dick. We even laughed for a second before we both conceded to break it off with “that guy”. There are way too many fish in the sea out here at Faire to get snagged on this lowly one.

When the workshops moved closer to the opening of Faire, Susan and I pulled Dick aside to tell him the news. He didn’t seem very upset at all- “la vie”, he exclaimed, as he went off to find another lover. Even though I was upset about Dick, I have to thank him for the one good thing he did do- bring me out to Faire. Over that first spring, we all danced together and became better friends. Susan and I met other guys, Dick kept chasing skirts, and I forged forever friendships- some of which I still have now some 30 plus years later. These people are my family, my bothers and sisters, and our time dancing together was our beginning bond. The group lasted another 10-12 years, but eventually we all moved on. Even though, at the time, my relationship with Dick seemed painful and troubled, it was the seed that spawned some magical events that forever changed my life. So, I eventually discovered that what started out as a regret, ended up being no regret at all.