An Open Letter to My Husband

Before you, I thought it was normal to feel inadequate in a relationship. Before you, I was so used to being spoken to in a condescending tone. Before you, I thought “real love” included putting up with emotional abuse. Before you, I had no idea what “real love” was.

It’s been said that everyone will experience three loves in their lifetime. The first is when we’re young but keeps us from being our truest self. It’s the ideal image of love that we imagine as kids - “the love that looks right.” I had that love.

The second is “the hard love,” which teaches us lessons through the pain. It’s unhealthy and may include mental, emotional, or physical abuse. I had that love.

And the third is “the love that lasts.” We never see it coming because it looks all wrong and goes against any ideals we thought we had. We didn’t plan on this love, but it swoops in and steals our heart because it’s a love that’s meant to happen, meant to last, and built for happiness.

You are my third love. You fell into my life just as I was beginning to accept the fact that I would grow old on my own with seven cats. You went against all things I thought I knew I wanted. We met, we laughed, and we fell in love. The night we met, you caught a glimpse of my inner demons, but you didn’t run away. You stayed with me, comforted me, and brought me out of the darkness.

From there, everything just came naturally. You made me laugh. You cared about me. You never ignored me, insulted me, or questioned my decisions - big or small. As time went on, our relationship blossomed into something beautiful. Some people said we moved too quickly, that our love wouldn’t last, but we didn’t listen. Because we knew. We knew what our hearts felt. Our souls connected so deeply and there was never a doubt in my mind.

I think the piece of our puzzle that completed the picture was when I opened up about my darkness. All of my baggage that had been “too much” for past relationships. I was an open book for you and told all of my secrets, allowed you to meet all of my demons and feel all of my darkness. I was terrified that you would walk away. But you didn’t. You took my hands in yours and shared your darkness with me, too. Our darknesses were different, but similar in many ways. Our struggles were heavy with lasting impacts on our lives. We had both hit rock bottom, more than once, before crossing paths, and somehow our paths led us to each other.

At a certain point in life, I had accepted the idea that love would only come to me if I hid my darkness deep inside my mind. I would never be able to show my true self if I wanted a real love story. Then you came along and made me realize how completely wrong I had been. You accepted every single piece of me, flaws and all. To this day, you continue to show me what real love looks like and feels like. Everything you say, everything you do, calms my heart and makes me feel worthy of love. You make me feel worthy of love.

Our love isn’t easy, and it’s not always pretty. But do the good times make the difficult times worth the fight? Absolutely. And what’s important is that our difficult times are weathered together and we love each other through them. You have shown me the meaning of real love, and I thank every wrong turn and lapse in judgement I had that led me to you. The love you give me is what I wish for every individual. Everyone deserves real, true, healthy love. The kind where communication doesn’t feel like an argument. The kind where affection doesn’t feel like a chore. The kind where happiness can overshadow the darkness.

You’ve shown me that real love is possible, and you love me with every piece of yourself, just as I love you. Thank you for loving me, all of me, without a doubt in your mind. Thank you for teaching me how to love myself. And thank you for showing me that darkness is okay.