Aim to be misunderstood

One of the things that plagued me for most of my life was this concept that I was one odd duck. That I was a bit quirky and weird. I own that. I have no problems being that weird friend you have. What used to bother me is that I rarely felt a great connection to people. I rarely felt understood.

I assume this is partly due to my personality type. I could use a Myers Briggs type to express this but let’s just say some people think in tangible terms of the life they live. What they see. What they are doing, want to do, plan on doing and did. All the senses of those experiences.

And some of us think in abstract concepts. What we are thinking about. A theory we read. An idea we came across. A book, article or study we found interesting. And for me that scope is pretty broad. I dig psychology, philosophy and some parts of physics. And literally anything else interesting I have come across, got hyper-focused on, learned a crapton about and now that is a thing in my head.

Neither way is wrong. And neither way is 100% That way either. It’s just those of us who don't often focus on tangible things and in fact may be somewhat oblivious to reality sometimes seem to be less common. So when we want to chat about quantum consciousness or the phenomenon of Call of the Void or any other thing that pops up in our head we have long since learned few people will be interested. And if we do bring it up it will not illicit a mutual conversation but rather a ‘I have never thought about that’. Or maybe just a strange look. So I thought, hell, I am weird. I am the odd one out. I should not say the Things.

Obviously, a person sort of gets reluctant to talk about what is going on between their ears as a result. It can be a bit isolating. And you can feel that no one gets you. Not really. So you decide to stick to the weather, work, family and normal topics of conversation that make you literally fall asleep with your eyes open. Well, not really. But that book you read? You really did want to talk about that with Someone, you know? It was fascinating and maybe... well, forget it... you're clearly weird.

No one understands you really

But the thing I have learned is that it has nothing to do with my personality traits, or weirdness, or quirks. Or the way I think. Or the things I think about. We all feel a bit misunderstood. And we are not really completely understood. It is just that we all live in our perceptions and that Perspective such that we often do not think about that Other Person’s perceptions or Perspective.

But you can sympathize, right?

Obviously, we try to relate our experiences to other peoples’ experiences. And sometimes that is a total fail. Like if I ever mention the hell of chronic migraines and someone says, ‘I completely relate because I sometimes get a headache.’ Because some things are out of the scope of our experience so we can’t relate to it and often this makes it hard to know how to respond to it.

Hint: Do not say you relate to that experience and then mention something entirely mundane to their exceptionally unpleasant situation.

But we try to relate. And we can perceive behaviours. We perceive emotions. We read micro-expressions. We get a feel for someone’s general personality and some of the nuances of their nature.

Still, they will feel not entirely understood.

Just like you do.

Maybe because you and I and everyone else have had some extreme experiences that are not easy to relate to. And those defining experiences in our lives are difficult to share when it is not a common experience to have.

Even when it comes to general things like my preference for thinking about philosophical concepts. When I was a philosophy major way back in the day there were people taking philosophy like me, who basically absorbed it like taking a first breath of air in our lives. And there were those taking it for a credit and loathed it with the passion of a thousand suns. I had more than a few friends take some of those intro classes that I loved, and they despised. And vice versa for the classes the adored.

That is my experience in life really. It is great when you find people that think like you or think about similar things. But most people will not.

Like when the world found out not everyone has an inner monologue and we were all confused at How Other People Think, if not how We think. That still fascinates me, by the way . I am frankly fascinated by people who think differently than I do. Another thing for me to think about.

Aim to love difference

As I have gotten older the less I care if I am understood. I do not need every part of me to be understood because I know it just isn’t possible. It doesn’t feel isolating like it once did because I know we all feel parts of us just are not easy to share and be accepted by the majority. We are all quirky in our heads. That is what makes everyone uniquely fascinating to know. It is also what makes us all feel a bit misunderstood.

Some day someone will unravel something you never knew about their life, knowledge, experiences, likes, or dislikes that will surprise you. Everyone is constantly changing and constantly unwrapping those changes to the world. You don’t have to understand everything about who they are or what they do. You don’t have to relate to every experience they have. It is just great to accept the similarities and differences and learn from those.

So be misunderstood. Don’t aim to fit in in every aspect and thought and belief. Just be.

And some people will relate.

To some things.

And a lot of people will not.

To a lot of things.

And that is fine. You are not alone. We all feel misunderstood. It is just an awesome thing to know and learn from the perceptions and perspectives of others that are not exactly like you. Different experiences. Lives. Loves. Passions. Careers. Joys. Love your differences. Love the differences in others. It’s a weird world out there.