Against All Odds

I thought they’d hate me like all those months ago. When they were telling me to get lost like their old friend did. I tried to explain to them what really happened, but they just didn’t want to listen.

Even if I brought the receipts out, would they have cared? I was a lowlife to them. A madwoman who was secretly plotting their destruction. But most importantly, I was a joke. An acceptable target for them to relentlessly tease.

Common knowledge is that seeking out any sort of ex is detrimental to recovery at best and cause for disaster at worst. Yet…I couldn’t just move on. I wasn’t ready to. Even after all the sleepless nights and restless days for over 6 months, part of me always wanted to run right back to them. Tell them the truth I couldn’t bring myself to say out of fear in the past.

So when a potential opportunity came in the form of a neat little post from them, I leapt towards it. Sure, it was extremely ambiguous as to exactly who they wanted to reconnect with. But a gut feeling told me they wouldn’t mind me back. At the very least, I could finally set things right.

Of course, I wasn’t going to directly comment there to reconnect. That would have put them in a really tough spot. So I took a risk and sent them a DM request.

I did have a hint of a reason to believe the two of us could reconcile. Their final messages towards me were uncaring but lighthearted. Almost affectionate in a way. They definitely meant the apathy, but they didn’t seem to truly hate me to the core like their friend did.

So I took a risk. I still had their messaging information, so I sent them a DM request. What was the worst that could happen? Them not accepting it? They didn’t seem too close to their old friend at this point anyways.

Besides, I figured it would be a good opportunity to also see if I could reconnect with a girl I was starting to befriend. Especially since they knew her.

They accepted my request the next day. I was shocked, if not entirely surprised. Feeling the telltale signs of an anxiety attack - rapid heartbeat, restlessness, sweating - I couldn’t bring myself to actually message them at first.

What if it’s a trap? I thought. They’re still in contact with the old friend who could easily turn them against me again.

But what if it wasn’t? What if, after all these months, they really did want to just talk? All those thoughts rushing through my head spurred me to write up a message. A message to explain what happened and bring about a sense of normalcy again.

Once I sent that message, I logged off. They weren’t online, so it would take a while for them to respond anyhow.

…

I logged back in. Just when I thought I couldn’t be more stunned, I was. Their response wasn’t vitriol. Not catharsis or shock either. Rather, it was…confusion. Even as they scrolled up through their previous messages with me, they didn’t seem to truly remember what happened. It was like talking to an amnesiac.

Nonetheless, I continued to explain what happened. As the conversation continued, it became clear they didn’t hate me. That was good. But at the same time, I felt a little manipulative taking advantage of someone’s possible lost memory to reconnect with them again.

To test if they would remember anything, I brought up the girl I had also been trying to maybe contact again. She was in their friend group, so I thought I could find a way from them. In that instant, all their memories seemed to come back.

They gave me new information about the girl. Said info was rather disappointing, but it was an opportunity to further reconnect with my regained mutual.

A lot had changed since we last spoke. I had an entirely new group of friends and so did they. They lost touch with most of their old ones. We were both on different career paths than before - though I started earlier than them and pivoted more widely. Heck, it felt like both of us were different people from back then. I was more jaded and they were more mature.

One thing stayed constant, though. That was the delicateness of our new relationship. They were still mutuals with my nemesis and could easily run back to him if even one thing went wrong with our new connection. So I texted them sparsely. Was careful with my wording. And every time they didn’t lash out like in the past, I breathed a sigh of relief.

Only time will tell how this reconnection will go. Maybe they’ll choose him over me again. Perhaps they were a mole all along. Or worse yet, I’ll find a reason to dislike them. But as far as I can tell, none of that is in the stars.

For something that seemed against all odds, this isn’t half bad.

Medium version: https://medium.com/@SnarkyLisa/against-all-odds-f7e2c52bd890

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