Abandoning Your Parents

- God commands honor and care for parents: Exodus 20:12; Deuteronomy 5:16; Proverbs 23:22; Ephesians 6:1–3.

- Neglecting or cursing parents is condemned: Deuteronomy 27:16; Proverbs 19:26; 20:20; 30:17.

- Jesus rejects religious “cover” for abandoning parents (the Corban excuse): Mark 7:9–13; Matthew 15:3–6.

- Adult priorities change (a child leaves father and mother to form a new household), but honor and care remain moral duties: Genesis 2:24; 1 Timothy 5:4, 8; Mark 7:11–13.

- Deceit and false witness are sins, including when used to justify abandonment: Exodus 20:16; Proverbs 6:16–19; 12:22.

How parents can deal with it biblically

- Start with self-examination and humility

- Remove your own “log” first; pursue peace with a clear conscience: Matthew 7:3–5; Romans 12:17–18; 1 Peter 3:16.

- Parents must not provoke or embitter children: Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21. Own real failures.

- Speak truth in love and seek reconciliation

- Approach privately with specifics; aim to win your child, not “win” the argument: Ephesians 4:15; Galatians 6:1.

- If they are believers and remain unrepentant, follow Matthew 18:15–17: private appeal, then with witnesses, then church involvement.

- If they are not believers, still pursue peace as far as it depends on you: Romans 12:18.

- Don’t enable sin; set wise boundaries

- Don’t repay evil for evil or manipulate in return: Romans 12:19–21.

- Establish clear, loving boundaries around slander, financial exploitation, or disrespect (Proverbs 22:24–25; 29:25).

- If lies are involved, seek verification and witness (Deuteronomy 19:15); let your conduct refute slander (1 Peter 3:16).

- Keep the door open, like the father of the prodigal

- The father lets the son go, does not fund his folly, and is ready to forgive and restore upon repentance: Luke 15:11–32.

- Forgive from the heart when repentance appears; comfort and reaffirm love so shame doesn’t devour them: Luke 17:3–4; 2 Corinthians 2:7–8; Colossians 3:13.

- Ensure care for vulnerable parents

- If a parent is truly in need and children refuse care, the church should help (1 Timothy 5:3–16). Failure to provide is a grave sin (1 Timothy 5:8).

- Seek help from wise counselors and elders for mediation and practical support: Proverbs 11:14; 15:22.

If you are the child who has left under false pretenses

- God calls you to repent, make amends, and honor your parents in word and deed: Mark 7:9–13; Proverbs 28:13; Ephesians 4:25, 28; 1 Timothy 5:4.

- Where harm was done, pursue restitution and reconciliation as far as it depends on you: Luke 19:8; Romans 12:18.

Important balances

- Honoring parents doesn’t mean tolerating abuse or enabling wickedness; boundaries and safety matter (Proverbs 4:23; 22:3).

- Loyalty to Christ is ultimate (Matthew 10:34–37), yet that never excuses deceit or neglect.

A simple path forward

1) Pray and examine your part. Write a humble, truthful invitation to talk.

2) Meet with a trusted mediator/elder if needed. Bring facts and witnesses if there is slander.

3) Set loving boundaries; do not enable sinful patterns.

4) Keep a standing offer of reconciliation tied to truth and repentance, like the prodigal’s father.

5) If care is needed and withheld, involve the church community for support and advocacy.

God sees, loves justice and mercy, and can restore what’s broken. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 12:18).

- Julia O’Hara 2025

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