A Winter's Night

That night was magical. From the moment I stepped out of my front door and heard the crunch of frost beneath my feet, I could feel something tangible in the air. There wasn’t a single cloud in that dark night sky and the stars looked like diamonds scattered randomly on a black velvet cloth. I breathed deeply, sucking in a lungful of icy air, exhaling a cloud of hot breath. I loved walking at night and because my house was located in a fairly good neighbourhood on the outskirts of a small, pleasant town I felt safe to venture out late and alone. The small seaside town where I lived wasn’t just a place to reside. I had many special memories that it was home to me. My walks almost always took me towards the sea. Just the shush-shush sound of the waves on the shingle relaxed me and the view from the pier looking back at the town was a snapshot of my life. So tonight, like many others, my feet took me to that special place.

Slowly I wandered along the length of the pier, careful to step over the fishing rods and tackle boxes. Along the way the weather beaten fishermen said hello, their red-cold fingers hooking up bait or drinking hot tea from their flasks. My senses seemed to come alive when I was on the pier. The smells were sharp and fishy and my hearing zoned in on the sound of the waves slapping the pier legs. And tonight there was something else. There was another sound. I stopped and leaned over the side. I could hear it better but still I couldn’t make out what it was, this low humming sound. I continued walking until I reached the end of the pier and then I descended the steps that took you down to a lower level. There were usually several anglers down there too but tonight there was no-one. In the middle of the lower deck a large square of decking had been removed and waist high, horizontal, steel bars erected around it. Anglers occasionally fished there but the water was choppy there even on a calm day. Tonight, as I said, the lower deck was deserted. Again that sound hummed in my ears. I looked around in the dim light of the lanterns on the walls but could see nothing mechanical or electrical that might be responsible. I ventured over to the fishing hole and leaned over the railing. The noise was louder and if I didn’t know better I’d have sworn I heard my name. I stood upright and checked around me just to make sure that there wasn’t anyone near me trying to trick me or frighten me but I was definitely alone. And there it was again. My name. I looked back over into the fishing hole. It was so pretty! Lights had been installed many years ago so that the dark, murky grey sea was captured in this square, transformed into waves of crystal blue and turquoise. And that’s when I saw what I saw.

With the illuminating lights on I could easily see the silvery scales of a fish flicking the surface and diving down. I smiled. It was a sight I would never tire of. I carried on watching until the biggest fish tail I had ever seen broke the water’s surface. Startled, I jumped back, looking up towards the upper level of the pier, just to make sure the fishermen were all still there. I slowly crept forward and gripping the metal railing as hard as my gloves would allow, I peered over the edge into the fishing hole. Nothing. I laughed nervously to myself. And then I saw it again. This time though it wasn’t just the tail I witnessed. The other end of the fish leapt out of the water and dived back down into the freezing water, like a dolphin. Except that this was no dolphin. This fish had the body of the most beautiful man I had ever seen. I stood there, transfixed. I was waiting for him to resurface and after a few minutes, he did. This time though, he didn’t dive back down straight away. He remained upright, his tail swishing through the watery green below him. He smiled at me. I smiled back. I said hello but his furrowed brow and downturned mouth told me that he was unable to speak. I don’t know what made me do what I did next. I got down onto my hands and knees. With icy cold wetness soaking through my jeans I extended my arm through the bars of the railing. He reached up and touched my fingers with his. When he smiled it filled me with a joy that I had never experienced before. I couldn’t help the laughter bubbling up inside me, spilling out of my mouth.

Our fingers entwined, we held on to each other tightly. His eyes, the palest blue, seemed to explore me. In return I took in his long white hair, plastered down his back and shoulders. I could see that his shoulders were broad and his body lean and tightly muscled. As the water dipped below his waist I could see where silvery, iridescent scales began. But more than this, I felt a continuous flood of emotion as if being poured directly from him. Simultaneous sensations assaulted my brain - cold from the water, the murkiness of the salty sea, the brush of fish and seaweed against my legs. And it felt good. So, so good. But then I felt panic. Logically I knew that this moment couldn’t last forever but I also knew I would never be the same once he let go of my hand. Don’t let me go! I pleaded over and over. He gripped my hand tighter and his smile grew bigger. I wanted to kiss him. His lips, full and pink, his bright white teeth perfectly sharp. But somehow, I knew that to kiss him would not be enough. I needed to be possessed by him. A kiss couldn't possibly fulfil my need for him. The only thought rushing through my head was I need you. I couldn’t tell if it was the pull of the tide or him pulling my arm but as if in response to that thought I felt my arm being pulled towards to the water. Of course the railing was in the way and it was with a shock that I realised that I wanted to go into the water, to glide into his arms. Another pull and he beckoned me with his head as if to say ‘come with me’.

We stared into each other’s eyes as, one-handed, I started to unbutton my coat, the cold wind biting through my jumper. Still I held onto him. I kicked off my boots, my socks soaking up the salt water immediately when from somewhere behind me I heard the gruff voice of one of the old fishermen shouting down, asking me what I was doing. I didn’t acknowledge him, I was too busy tugging down my jeans while my arm was being gently pulled to the luminous green water of the fishing hole. And then everything went black as if a plug had been pulled form a socket, a connection broken. Several pairs of strong hands pulled me back from the railing and I screamed. Where was he? I couldn’t see him. I had never felt panic like it. I thrashed about, kicking and yelling trying to get back to the railing. At one point I did but I couldn’t see him. I was dragged away again but as fast as clothes were being wrapped around me I was tearing them off. Soon though I was overpowered and manhandled up to the upper level of the pier. In the distance, at the pier entrance, I could see flashing blue lights. Of course, these people would have been assuming that I was trying to kill myself. In reality, if I didn’t get back to him I might as well, I was completely empty and devoid of hope, love, pleasure, feelings.

Where the strength came from I don’t know but I wrenched my arms from the fishermen holding on to me and I ran as fast as I could, almost throwing myself down the steps to the fishing hole. Shrugging off the blankets that had been wrapped around me I stepped up onto the railing and with the melee of voices behind me, coming to get me I jumped into the water. The sea was so cold, it punched the air from my body and for a moment I couldn’t breathe. Salt water filled my mouth making me gag. A wave broke over my head and I was completely submerged. Salt water filled my mouth making me gag. I still couldn’t catch my breath before another wave crashed over me.

And then it was still and quiet, warm and beautiful from the illuminating lights. I felt a strong hand pulling me deep. And everything was perfect.