A Test To Judge How Good Your Parent were

No human being can truly grow up mentally healthy unless they have been deeply loved by someone during their early years. However, we are still learning what good parenting actually looks like. How would you rate your parents? Here are eight principles of good parenting that might help you assess them.

A loving parent knows how to get down to the child’s level—sometimes literally lowering themselves to the child’s height when speaking to them—to better understand their perspective. They recognize that young children cannot easily conform to external demands and that in their early years, children should be prioritized and placed at the center of things—not to spoil them, but to give them the chance to grow. Loving parents understand that young children focus on small details that may seem insignificant to adults, but are of immense importance to them. A toddler might feel thrilled just from pressing their nails into putty or enthusiastically tapping their spoon into peas, but they may also become devastated if a pet rabbit loses a button or if a favorite book gets a tear.

A good parent feels secure enough in themselves not to dismiss the child’s emotions, even if they seem trivial. They will follow the child’s excitement over a puddle and sympathize with their distress over an uncomfortable sock. They understand that a child’s future ability to be compassionate toward others and to handle real challenges will depend on receiving abundant empathy for age-appropriate issues during their early years.

A loving parent will also offer a positive interpretation of behaviors that might appear troublesome. For example, a small child isn’t merely a troublemaker—they may be upset by the arrival of a sibling. They’re not antisocial; they just find a small group of familiar people comforting. They’re not a nightmare; they simply need to go to bed soon. This compassionate interpretation helps shape the child’s developing conscience, enabling them to forgive themselves. The child will learn not to punish themselves excessively for mistakes, avoiding the ravages of self-loathing or thoughts of self-harm when they make a serious mistake.

A loving parent is secure enough to allow their child to act a little odd from time to time, knowing that what may seem “weird” is actually a normal part of development. They won’t get upset if a child decides to pretend to be an animal, eat only red foods, or claim an imaginary friend lives in a tree. The parent believes that sanity will emerge in time and that it’s important to explore many possibilities before settling on what is considered “reasonable.” They remain calm during intense tantrums and obsessions and don’t feel the need to suppress every bit of irreverence or youthful rebellion. They remain patient through low moods and are not unnerved by adolescent behavior.

A good parent avoids labeling their child in ways that might fix them into a particular role. They won’t tell the child they are “the angry one,” “the little philosopher,” or “the kind one.” Instead, they allow the child the freedom to discover their own identity. A good parent understands that children may cling to them for a long time and will not dismiss this natural need for reassurance with negative labels. They won’t pressure the child to “toughen up” or be “a good little man” or “a nice young lady who can make me proud.” They know that children who are securely attached and capable of handling separations are those who were allowed to depend on their parents as much as they needed in the early stages.

A good parent doesn’t aim to present themselves as an idealized or distant figure, someone to be admired from afar. Instead, they understand how to be present in a down-to-earth way around the house—dignified at times, but also occasionally silly, forgetful, bratty, or overly eager for dessert. Parental quirks and imperfections serve as reminders for children to reconcile their own humanity and, eventually, to leave home and live their own lives.

A good parent knows how to be “boring.” They understand that children need a reliable source of calm, not constant excitement. The parent’s job is to be there consistently, saying much the same things over the years, providing a sense of predictability and stability. They understand that children don’t need to be exposed to every mood or inner conflict their parent experiences. Parents are roles, not full representations of a person, and it’s the child’s privilege not to know every detail of their parent’s life.

A good parent isn’t looking for a balanced relationship. They’re happy to give unconditionally, without needing to be asked how their day went or what they think of current events. They understand that a child should be able to take a parent for granted, knowing that their love and care are reliable and unconditional. The true reward for all this effort comes years later when the child grows into an adult who becomes a great parent themselves.

In short, love is the considerate, patient, and deeply empathetic behavior displayed by an adult toward a child, who may often be confused, frustrating, and out of control. The goal is for the child to mature into an adult capable of taking their place in society with a sense of spontaneity, trust in their own abilities, and a belief in their chances for fulfillment. It should be a global concern that, despite our progress, we are still only beginning to understand how to ensure that every child receives the loving upbringing they deserve.