A lonely man and the little black book

It was odd to think that a little black book got me into this situation, twenty thousand dollars and being questioned by a god-like creature on the morality of humanity. If I knew this was where I would be finding myself on a Sunday afternoon, I doubt I would have ever taken that first step towards an unknown end, but alas my curiosity grabbed me by the collar and dragged me to find the answer. No logical man would walk down a dark hallway towards a glowing pedestal and expect anything good to come from it, and yet for some reason, I did. I suppose this all started this morning, a regular Sunday for one living alone. I wake up to the sound of doors banging and the once quiet street starts to distinctly get louder. The apartment block in which I live is filled with three distinct types of personalities, personalities of which I had studied since my moving here five years ago.

The first personality I took note of was one that I caught onto in my first week of living in the block, The screamers. These are people which for one reason or another cannot find themselves in a peaceful conversation with the other party that lives with them, and so they will instead scream at each other about nothing in particular. The second distinctive personality type was the deviants and rejects, left each night to their own devices. Lonely, like me, although not always alone, and usually in the company of party-goers or “friends” for hire. Walking out and meeting them is always a case of wrong timing and being met with a simple awkward smile - along with the strange and stiff introduction of their friend before parting ways. The final personality includes the overly religious, who occupy most of the rooms in the block, perhaps due to how close the building is to the church. This morning each family greeted each other as they flooded out into the hallways. I tend to try and not come in contact with this personality as they are too much for me, although this morning I somehow managed to bump into the neighbours that live directly next to me.

“Hi there neighbour! You give any thoughts about joining us to church today?” She was a single mother of three and although she wore a mask of happiness, her tired eyes gave her away. This wasn't the first time she had asked me to join her and I suddenly felt as if I was standing in front of my own mother, “asking” me to do a chore I had no interest in. I stuttered, this woman, whom I've met only on a few brief occasions, was not my mother, so surely to answer “no”, would be easy.

“Yes actually, I've decided to go”

The words pried themselves out of my mouth, and caught me by surprise, the neighbour as well, as she paused for a second to stop her usual argument for why I should go, escape her mouth. Her fake tired smile seemed to melt into a real delighted one and she adjusted the child in her arm, the one I somehow had not taken notice of before, and turned to walk towards the exit of the building with the two other children walking besides her.

“Well come on then! We haven't all day” - Even without seeing her face the smile was prominent in her tone.

The journey to the church was short, and quiet, at least on my end. The mother, who insisted I called her Jordy instead of “Ma'am”, was talking throughout the whole walk, something about how happy she was that I finally decided to join. When we had finally reached the church, I felt a ping of anxiousness, a feeling foreign to me as I had always managed to partake in activities that were not outside of my comfort zone, and I lifted my left arm to adjust the collar of my shirt, which had somehow become two sizes smaller since this morning.

I have been to church, only once in my youth. I was considered a strange child, well strange for one living in an overly religious family. I never understood religion, the following of a deity for some kind of comfort in life, it felt strange, to think that there was a higher power somewhere above us all dictating how life goes. The lack of proof, I suppose, was also another reason, and so as a child who didn't believe, or, refused to believe in a higher power, I went to church once and never again. I always managed to find a way out, turning a different corner and hiding, hoping my family wouldn't notice my disappearance, and then joining them once again when they finished. It was quite easy, my family was large, and they would always go with extended family as well, so disappearing unnoticed was simple, I was like a ghost. Invisible unless I made a sound. On the rare occasions I did speak, I would be given a weird glance, a strange look, or my personal favourite, the quick snap to be quiet. To be at a church now, and oddly at my own accord, brought up repressed memories of the “funtimes” I had with my family and I winced as they slowly came around the corner of my brain and showed themselves in full light.

I stood now at the entrance of the church, about to greet one of the ‘flock’, I offered him an awkward smile, and he obviously took note of the fact that I was new here before I walked inside alongside Jody and her children. It was noisy inside, a little too noisy to the point that all I could think about was finding some fresh air. Jody must have noticed as she pointed to a corner, and said that If I needed some water there was a fountain in the corner to drink from. I nodded in thanks and headed towards it, there was an edge of understanding in her eyes, that perhaps I really didn't want to be there. I never went too much into the reasons she kept asking me to go to church, I thought it might have mainly been some type of recruitment play, although perhaps she was just lonely, a single mother with three children and unlike me, she probably has a need for friendship and was bothered by her loneliness.

I didn't let the thought float at the front of my mind for long, there was too much noise, so I continued retreating towards the water fountain. The noise started to subside, and I felt a relief in my head as I finally reached the corner. It was quite far from the main area of the church, the establishment itself was a lot larger than anywhere I've been, and I would be lying if I didn't say that I was to an extent impressed by the decorated ceilings and pillars. I sighed and looked around, I'll wait here for a bit longer until they start, out of kindness for Jody, I might as well sit next to her for the sermon. As I took in my surroundings I had noticed a small gap on the back wall, hidden mostly by a semi-large bookshelf, empty. I checked to see if anyone was watching and walked towards it, allowing my curiosity to guide me, and I moved the shelf to see what was behind. It was a passage, odd, and when I looked into the darkness I could see the vague outline of a just barely glowing pedestal, holding a small rectangular shape on top.

Hearing the still noisy crowd in the main room, I squeezed myself through the gap and into the odd hallway. There was no light and I could barely see, although somehow I knew which way to head, using only the pedestal as a beacon of some type. As I got closer I saw that the small rectangular shape was in fact a little black book. How strange for this circumstance to exist. Of course, I opened the book like the fool I am and was presented with a question written in gold on the smooth thin paper.

Wealth or belief?

I thought it over, why on earth would this be a question of importance? Why does it exist? Is it asking whether I would choose wealth over belief? What type of belief? The belief in a god? If so then the answer would in my case be the choice of wealth. A sturdy and physical matter that will help me reach my desired life, my desired freedom from society and the tiny boxed apartment I live in. I subconsciously answered it yet, I felt a ripple go through each and every nerve in my being and a voice so deep and unnerving rumbled through my body.

I knew it had said something, although I didn't understand.

“Pardon?” I stuttered into the nothingness. A chill ran through my bones and the voice returned.

“Answer the question the book has asked”, the voice was this time louder, and struck a fear into my heart that I hadn't felt since I had been but a small child.

I gulped, am I allowed to question whoever this is? Surely the voice is just a man I cannot see?

“I am no man.” another rumble through my system, how did he know what I was thinking?

“I know many things, I see all, I know all”. There was silence then before the voice spoke again; “Answer”.

“Wealth - I, I’d choose wealth”, I spoke out of fear, and though i looked to find the source of the voice, I saw nothing.

“And not belief?”

Another pause as I collected my thoughts, “Believe in what? A god? A higher power? I have been shown no proof thus far, I have no reason to believe” - I turned again, desperately trying to find the body attached to the voice - “Where are you?”

“To have proof would destroy the purpose of belief”

“... My answer still stands. I’d choose the money, the wealth over belief”. I spoke cautiously, still unsure of what I was talking to

There was then a pause in the air, as if whoever I was talking to was thinking.

“You humans are all the same”

“And you aren't one?”

“No. I am unlike you, unlike humanity. Perceive me as the deities you refuse to believe in”

“Are you God?”

“What would it matter who I am? I am unlike you and that is all that matters. You humans and your constant need to know more. Your constant grasp of knowledge and understanding as an attempt to see more, yet you become blinder”

“It is how we live. It's in our system, how else should we go about our lives? You truly think us blind? See how far we’ve come with our society”

“The society you so desperately wish to escape?”

I stood in silence going over their words. Yes. The society, the world which I wanted to escape, and here I was defending it.

“Does the owl ask why stars exist? He does not, because he has no need. He knows what he knows and does not question and so he lives life as intended. You humans look too much and miss the answer that's been sitting at your nose all along”

“Why would a ‘deity’ such as you call yourself go through so much trouble to ask a question to a simpleton like me?”

“I went through no trouble at all. You came to me needing something and I complied”

“I don't need anything”

“Liar”

That was the last word spoken before I felt as though I was shoved into a hard seating. I looked around taking in my surroundings, I was sitting amongst the silent crowd. Silent except for the preacher in front. Looking to my left I see Jody contently listening before she noticed me staring. She gave me a look of questioning as if to ask If i'm ok and I nodded, even though I wasn't sure. It was then that I felt something in my hands, I was clutching onto it and the corners were digging into my palms, although not uncomfortably. It was the little black book I had seen before, the little black book that had somehow landed me here no doubt. It was more intriguing up close, beautiful really. The cover was leather and had flecks of gold randomly dotted around, and when I opened the book again, the paper, thin and soft revealed not the question I had previously seen, although a small slip that had been hidden in the enclosed book. Upon further inspection I came to the realisation that it was in fact a check for 20,000 dollars, with a note written just above. “The answer your blind eyes sought”.