A Glass Half Full

From the first day they met he knew that he wanted her to be in his life. He didn’t believe in love at first sight, he was too old and had had his heart broken too many times for that, but he couldn’t deny that he was drawn to her almost immediately. They didn’t talk much the first night and he didn’t want to idealize her so he wouldn’t allow himself to get his hopes up. Plus, he doubted that a woman as beautiful as her would be single and interested in a guy like him. Still, he was excited for the next two days where he’d train her and get the chance to get to know her between waiting tables.

The next day seemed to go better than he could have expected. The restaurant was slow, so they spent most of the day talking. The chemistry between them to be strong and natural. He learned more about her personal life and everything seemed to fit with what he was looking for in a woman. He knew then that he had strong feelings for her. He recognized that it was largely infatuation because he still didn’t know her well, but that didn’t bother him. Infatuation gets a bad rap when compared to love but is still a great feeling when recognized for what it is, and one that he hadn’t felt so strongly for anyone in a long time.

The third day was much of the same, between intermittent trips to serve tables he reveled in the change to get to know her better. They talked about music and T.V. shows and movies, she liked a lot of the same things he did but told him about artists, shows and movies that he’d never heard of before. He learned that she didn’t have a boyfriend. He also learned a little about what she had been through. This made him feel for her even more, knowing that she’d experienced so much and still carried herself the way that she did.

That night he sat at home drinking his favorite wine, Velvet Devil Merlot, and thought long and hard. He thought about how he’d come so far towards building a life for himself and finding some direction, but how he still felt so empty and lonely at times. He liked his life, but he felt he needed someone to share things with, movies, dinners, bottles of wine, all things that can be enjoyed by yourself but would be better with someone else. He thought about how people, mostly young married couples, would tell him that you can’t look for love that it will find you when you’re ready. He didn’t really believe this, he believed that you make your own opportunities. Still, all his thoughts kept leading back to her, he couldn’t help thinking that maybe she’d come into his life for a reason. He decided that night that he had to at least try to be with her or he’d always be upset with himself.

The next few weeks he was cautious. He didn’t want to assume that just because she seemed to be everything he wanted, that she would want him to, and he still wanted to get to know her better. The more he was around her the harder he fell for her. Co-workers that he’d worked with for a while could tell he had a crush on her without him saying anything. When he couldn’t stand to wait any longer, he finally decided to ask her out for a date. Though he was nervous, he’d dated girls before but never really asked anyone out like this. He picked up an extra shift to work alone with her and before leaving left her a note asking if she’d go out with him Friday night. She said it’s about time he’d asked but that she might not be able to that night.

The next night she asked him if he’d want to come over and watch a movie. He went over and though it was a little awkward at first, they warmed up to each other and had a really good time. Towards the end of the movie, he asked if he could kiss her and she said “no, not yet.” He was a little disappointed but not discouraged. When he left he gave her a long hug goodbye. He was excited to take her out on a real date but a little concerned about how things went when he asked to kiss her. When he got home, he saw he had a text from her saying that she hadn’t wanted him to kiss her because if he did, she wouldn’t have wanted him to stop. The thought of that made him feel happier than he’d felt in years.

Throughout the week she was unable to say for sure if she’d be able to make it Friday night, though she wouldn’t tell him why. On Friday she said that she wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t go out to dinner though she’d want him to come over later if she was feeling better. He went to see her that night and they watched another movie together. He didn’t ask or try to kiss her. After the movie they sat closely together and talked for a while. When they realized how late it was, he went to leave and gave her another long hug. He kissed her on the forehead, and she kissed him on the cheek then planted one quick kiss on his lips. Before he could react, she drew back and went to sit on the couch. He stood there by the door for a minute that felt like an eternity. Part of him thought he should walk out the door, but his body wouldn’t let him. He felt ten thousand volts pumping though his veins but was immobilized. He asked her if he could kiss her back and she nodded her head yes. He marched over to the couch and tried to will all of his energy into the kiss. He wanted to show her how strongly felt for her, to transfer the spark she lit in him back to her through his lips.

The next few weeks things stayed about the same. He would hear from her sporadically and she was always busy, only able to see him for a few hours one or two nights a week. They would kiss a little but always stopped before things went any further. He told her that he wanted to take her out for a date on Valentine’s Day. She was hesitant at first but then agreed when he told her he just wanted to do something nice for her. When the day came, she said they should reschedule because of an expected blizzard.

After this it seemed that she was available to see and talk to him less and less. He’d go weeks without seeing her outside of work and several days before her responding to his texts at times. But the more she pushed and pulled away, the more he wanted her. He thought about her constantly, about the way it made him feel to be with her and how much he missed her even right after he’d see her. He’d think about kissing her all the time, how their lips would meet and then fall together like waves into an ocean. Though this was more than enough for him and he liked that she was modest, he couldn’t help thinking about kissing the rest of her body too. About making love with her, how sweet and passionate it would be.

When he tried to set a new date, she was once again unable to fully commit and the day of called to say she couldn’t make it. He was clearly frustrated, and he didn’t know what to say. She asked if he wanted to stop trying and though he’d considered asking her this if she were to cancel again, when faced with the question himself he answered “no” immediately and full-heartedly. When he asked her back she didn’t have a response. He didn’t know what else to say so he told her he’d let her go. He meant to get off the phone, but he was afraid he’d have to let her go altogether.

When they hung up, he threw his phone on the floor. He felt like no matter what he did he’d never be good enough. He couldn’t help to wonder if there was someone else she wanted to be with, surely she could have any guy she wanted and could find one better than him. After ruminating awhile, he finally went to pick up his phone. He had a text from her saying that she feels like she’s not good enough for him right now. This was an absolute shock, he told her how silly that was and how she has everything that he wants in a woman and that he’d be lucky to be with her.

He knew that she was going through hard times, but she still wouldn’t open up to him about it. It upset him, not because he felt he needed to know, but because he wanted her to be able to confide in him and tell him anything. He wanted to be her rock. He decided to take a step back and be more patient. He learned to appreciate the text and calls and times they were able to spend together instead of worrying about the times they weren’t able to. He would leave notes in her jacket or on her car to try to brighten her day, the way seeing her or even her name on his phone would brighten his. He had flowers sent to her door just because she told him she liked surprises. When she told him, she was having a really bad day he’d go and sit with her and bring her food if she hadn’t eaten. He wouldn’t pressure her to talk about it but let her know she could if she wanted to. He held her tight when he had the chance. On days like that it didn’t matter to him if they’d ever be together the way he wanted them to, he’d do anything just to take away a little of her pain.

He didn’t pressure her to talk about her struggles or to finally go on their first real date, but he reminded her that he wanted to and told her to let him know when she was ready. She slowly started to open up to him more and they started to see each other more often. He read books and articles about people who had been through the same things she has, to better understand and learn how to support her. He knew that she was strong and independent, those were of the many things that drew him to her, but he wanted to take care of her at times and carry some of the weight she holds for her. One day out of the blue she asked him when they were going out and he said, with a smile, “anytime”.

They set a date and when the day came, she texted him to say she was looking forward to it. He came to her door with flowers in his hand and butterflies in his stomach. They went to a nice restaurant and when the server came to take their drink order she asked for a glass of Velvet Devil Merlot, his favorite wine. “Let’s make that a bottle” he laughed. The server came back and poured them both a glass. They raised their glasses to each other. In his hand the glass looked to be half full. His heart felt entirely so.