A Binding Love

In a world seemingly simpler, fate encrusted itself upon two unknowing souls. Bound by their love of music and a spark, Janie and Will spent the day just simply enjoying each other amongst the sea of people. Once this magical night ended Janie and Will went their separate ways with one thought it mind that if it was destined, they ever be together, fate would somehow reunite them.

Surpass 20 years. Janie has built a successful life. She has married well and has dedicated herself to work and family. Unfortunately, her and her husband were never able to have a child of their own, they both raised Janie’s son Preston as theirs. Every summer Janie made it a family tradition to have a camp out style night in the backyard. They had a fire, enjoyed drinks, food and each other while listening to Tom Petty until the morning. She never explained why but it was just something that was always done. To Janie, in the back of her mind, she hoped she would have one day, come across Will.

The last night of the summer, a night where you could feel the cold brisk of fall approaching yet you wanted to just feel the warm air one more time, Preston came out to the deck to join Janie embracing what moments were left of summer. “Hey mom, whatcha doing” he asked. “Thinking about what I am going to do while your away.” However, she was deflecting because all she thought about was her summer is now over, her escape into a world where she got to soak in those memories that she could never let go or move on from. Preston replies, “Oh you’ll be fine, and you will be busy with dad and work, you won’t even know I am gone, and hey I’ll do you a favor and bring home laundry.” He said jokingly. “Very funny, Preston.” He takes a deep sigh and says, “I just checked the mail and saw this letter addressed to me and you. It has no return address.” Janie’s face flushes and her instincts shift her attitude to a puzzled, gut punch. And she’s not sure why. She sits up from the lounge chair and the blanket falls to her lap. She’s trying with all her might not to show an ounce of anything, because she doesn’t know what is happening. However, her hesitation to grab the envelope from Preston sends a direct and immediate concern for him. “Mom, are you going to grab the letter? What’s wrong?” She replies, “It’s probably just a note saying thank you from the shelter where we volunteered.” Preston answers with a slight hesitation when he says “Oh, yeah.”

With the sudden smack with an emotion he doesn’t quite understand, met with an obvious lie from his mother about the timeline of a thank you letter from the shelter, which we received months ago, all Preston thinks to do is excuse himself from whatever this is. He stands and says, “I am going to go meet up with my friends for a while, do you want me to get you anything before I leave?” She’s looking off into space and he says louder, “mom!” “Oh no I am fine, have a good time and I’ll see you at curfew, got it?” “Got it, love you.” He bends down and kisses her head and hugs her before walking through the sliding glass doors, leaving Janie in pure silence.

Something feels off. She can’t decide if it’s a sickening feeling like it’s going to be something bad. Does someone know her secret? Why is it addressed to her and Preston, no one knows about it, no one could know about it? It can’t, she sits back and takes a deep breath and mutters to herself. “Janie, come on, use rational thinking. This is just a letter, sit up and open it. Once it is opened you will know what it’s about. Could be nothing.” She sits herself up, takes another breath and flips the envelope over. She pushes her finger through the slit and the top and begins ripping the sealed white paper that feels thick and heavy with emotions.

While her heart pounds, she hears the front door slam shut. It must be Bo. Bo’s footsteps are heavy but for some reason that heaviness is comforting. He peaks his head around the sliding glass door, Janie? “Hey Hun.” She replies. “How was your day? He walks out and looks a little haggled but ready to be home. He takes a gasp and plops down on the lounge chair next to her. “Whatcha got there?” “Preston brought in this letter, said it was addressed to me and to him.” “Hmmm” Bo replies. “Did you open it?” He says with a lingering sarcasm, like why haven’t you opened it yet, it’s just a letter. He sits up and forward and stretches his back, and offers to get them a drink, while also asking what’s the plan for dinner.

Janie sits in the chair and although Bo brought in some comfort that she needed at that exact moment, it almost made her not even want to open the letter. To not even let the discomfort that came attached to it, in. However, Janie knew this sinking feeling of a letter would surely come at some point in her life, hopefully, but not.

She opens the letter. With letterhead from a bank, the letter reads, “We are writing to inform you, the contents of box 747 need to be emptied at your earliest convivence.” The monthly payment has expired and upon this date we ask that the contents be retrieved, or they will be lost. Best Regards, Bank Manager.” With utter puzzleness, Janie is perplexed at what she just read. Seems simple enough, and not as bad as she thought. But. She has never had a box at a bank, nor does she bank at this bank, and why would they address it to her and Preston? Janie now feels like she’s left with the same number of questions she had before opening the letter, nor did it seem to help her anxiety at all.

After a restless night’s sleep, Janie is eager to get to the bank and get the contents of the box. Maybe that will answer her questions. She thinks to herself, “don’t overthink this, just go and see what it is.” As Bo pours them their morning coffee, he asks Janie if she would like him to meet her at the bank on his lunch break. She declines his offer and doesn’t want to inconvenience him over something she has no idea about.

She arrives at the bank shortly after it opens and walks up to the counter. “Excuse me.” She states to the bank teller who is finishing up their opening work. “Yes, mam’?” “Where do I find the box 747?” “Right down the hall on the left.” “Great, Thanks. Do I need a key to open it?” “No, it’s a passcode.” Puzzled she looked away. “Okay, thanks...”

A passcode what the heck is happening, I don’t know what this passcode is going to be, she thought. She made her way down the hall and see 745, 746, aw 747. A thought that had crossed her mind was Will. But realistically, that wasn’t even possible. She tries a few numbers randomly and stops to think... She punches the numbers 7...2...7...7...5, “click.”

No freaking way she thinks. There’s no way this is happening... How… She cowers to the side a little, almost like something might jump out at her. She slowly pulls the door open and stares at the content inside. The one item. It sits there with warmth around it. A little black book. Clearly, it’s been written in, its fat with its pages. She grabs the book, its black leather and thick. With this book there is a smell that instantly floods her with memories she grasped onto for so long. Will. Oh my god, how.

She had no idea for years how to find out anything about Will. At one point in time, she hired a private investigator to try and find out some detail about Will that she could go on. Fate, at that time, didn’t allow it. But here fate was. A little black book. She leaves the bank and walks across the street to a café, orders a coffee, and sits at a table with the little black book in front of her. She examines the outside. Its worn and leathery and the smell from it pinches her with a flood of emotions. She doesn’t even understand how it is radiating such a distinct smell. But she knows who it belongs to. Her coffee arrives and she takes a sip, and it burns her mouth a little. That burn sends a shock to bring her back to reality. She lightly touches the cover and flips it open… A folded white piece of paper sits.

Dear Janie,

Hi.

Its Will.

I assume you’re reading this because it has fallen into your hands when the time was right. Unfortunately, it also means that I am no longer alive. I apologize for leaving you a book and not ever seeing you in person. I found you a few years back and came to your town to maybe build up the courage to see you. I finally did it. You were crossing the street with your family and I knew fate said do it now. However, as I was getting out of the car, I saw him. Your son. Our Son. And I knew. It crushed me. I left town after because I had too many emotions to understand and I didn’t know what else to do. I spent months traveling and couldn’t stop thinking about either of you, so I returned. The second time I saw you, as creepy as it sounds, I just watched. I saw our son who looked so happy. You looked happy and your husband looked so caring. I didn’t want to wreck that, so I sat and watched.

I knew at some point I would have to say something. That time never seemed to come; I knew I didn’t want to wreck his life also. It seemed apparent over the times I’ve seen you that your husband is his dad. I am ok with that. However, I spent my time here watching from afar. In the rest of this book, you’ll find my account of the times I’ve seen you and your family and wanted you to know that should you ever tell our son about the truth, I support your decision and knew I couldn’t be as good of a father as I’ve seen he has been. But I also want to give him the opportunity to know who I was as well. There is more in this book about my travels, who I am, and what you were always to me. Janie, that night changed me in a way I didn’t want to accept. I fought it. I knew you would have tried to find me, so I knew I had to leave little imprints. I was scared that you were everything I could ever want, and I was not mature enough to handle that. Instead, I ran. And then I missed out on a life with you and our son. I hope this can bring you some peace and allow you the comfort and closure that you were a dream, and I didn’t deserve you. I interfered with fate multiple times with only the intent to protect you and it was hard because I selfishly wanted you, our family. There is always that one person you come across in life that instantly changes your life, without warning, without expectation. You were that to me.

I’ve also written a letter to our son to try and explain as much as I could so that you were not alone in explaining things to him if that time ever comes. The only thing I knew about him was him name. Janie, my soul is and forever will be with you.

-Will

Janie’s body sinks into the bench at the café. She almost forgot where she was. The flood of emotions has made her sick to her stomach and everything seems very loud. She looks around the café and things seem to be annoying her. She asks for her coffee to go and leaves to the park. Her mind is so preoccupied with the letter that she struggles with walking. She sees a bench under a tree and sits with the book in her lap. She doesn’t know if she wants to dive into his world. To see who he was. She didn’t know if it would benefit any of them if she read it or shared it with Bo and Preston. She glanced at the garbage and thought about it.

A few minutes after sitting with it she got up and walked back to the bank. She enters with less urgency. She makes her way to the teller and says, “Hi, I got a letter that the contents of my box needed to be emptied because the payments had stopped. I’d like to put my card on file and continue to pay for it. Box 747.” “Alright mam’, we can certainly do that for you.”

After setting that up Janie walks back to the box and puts the book back inside and closes it. When the time is right, she will come back.

Photo: https://www.countryliving.com/life/entertainment/g5156/i-love-you-quotes/