9 ways to move on after a breakup

In this article, we are going to talk about breakups. Most of us have gone through a sentimental breakup throughout our lives, and we know that it is not exactly a good time.

It is not only that we have lost that person we supposedly love. (I say apparently because many times it is more a question of dependency than of love) If not, suddenly our whole world falls apart.

We feel alone, lost, and disoriented, and we become the perfect breeding ground for various fears about our uncertain future to enter our heads.

We are afraid of being alone forever, of not finding anyone who loves us, of that person rebuilding his life and finding someone better... and endless other things that would occupy the entire article if I start talking about them.

In those moments, we do not care, and we often get irritated by the well-intentioned attempts of third parties to cheer us up.

We hear phrases like "there is much fish in the river," indeed, this has happened because fate has something better in store for you," it is not the end of the world, so-and-so separated X years ago, and look how well he is now."

If we stop to reason, we know that all this is true and that many people break up every day and can continue their lives and be happy again. However, even if we manage to believe these phrases, our emotional part is still determined to boycott our attempts to be okay.

If we feel significantly sunk as if the world were ending, falling piece by piece on our heads, how are we going to believe that in the end, we will be able to rebuild our lives and find ourselves well?

In this article, I am not going to try to make you see that your life will be excellent from now on.

It may be, it may not; nor tell you that it is a matter of time, that the wounds will close, and that it is most likely that in the future you will fall in love with another person (you already know that).

I intend to give you some guidelines so that you can go through the mourning feeling as few times as possible that the apocalypse is collapsing on you.

1. Accept negative feelings

You are going through a duel, and as its name indicates, duels hurt. It is usual for you to feel sad, lost, disoriented, anxious, etc., so don't worry about it.

Observe your emotions without feeding negative (and often absurd) thoughts.

Accept your situation and accept uncertainty without questioning it.

Do not imagine yourself as an adult alone surrounded by cats! Put to hypothesize about the future, better imagine yourself married to a beautiful person and spending your vacations on a yacht in Cancun.

2. Stay busy and set goals

Even if you don't feel like it, you have to stay active. Go out with your friends, prepare a trip, go running, and join an NGO.

Whatever, but you can spend the day lying in bed looking at photos of your ex-partner, even if it's the only thing you feel like doing.

You have to keep yourself entertained and occupy the time you shared with your ex-partner with things that you liked, liked at some point, or thought you might like.

It would help if you didn't wait to feel better to do things, and the process is the reverse.

It would help if you forced yourself to do something to go little by little, beginning to enjoy them and feeling better.

3. Switch things up

All the things in your environment are surely associated with your ex-partner. So it's time to change scenery and start creating new memories.

Changing flat or in case it is not possible, redecorate it, paint the walls, throw away everything you don't need, take the opportunity to go out with people you haven't seen for a long time, meet new people, take a trip to an unknown country, cut your hair, change your look, reinvent yourself!

4. Don'tDon't talk about or think about your ex-partner.

This is often quite complicated, so I suggest you spend an hour (if it's half better) to recreate your pain pressing or talking about your ex-partner and occupy the rest of the day with other things.

If you catch yourself thinking or talking about your ex-partner at different times than the assigned one, give yourself a good pinch and start doing any other activity to disconnect from the subject (even if it's doing sudoku or word search puzzles).

You will see how over time, you do not even want to think about it during that established time.

5. Organize your time

Indeed before the breakup, you had your time more or less organized and followed some routine.

Now that way no longer exists, you have to create it again. I do not mean that you do the same every day.

On the contrary, it is time to innovate and start doing things you did not do before or stopped doing.

I mean that you organize your time, plan what you are going to do the next day so as not to leave long spaces of time without doing anything, and encourage your mind to try to fill them by thinking about your ex-partner.

6. Learn how to be alone

Until now, you were two. Now, you are the only one. But you don't need another person to feel complete and happy.

Learn to take care of yourself and spend time with yourself.

Now you are the most critical person in your life.

You are the person you will spend the rest of your life with and therefore deserve to be treated as such.

Treat yourself, take care of yourself, pamper yourself, get ready, dress well...

Start playing sports, eat a proper diet and enjoy doing activities alone. It is not that you spend all the time surrounded by people, but that you also learn to be comfortable with yourself.

Plan a trip alone, a getaway to the mountains with the company of a good book, go shopping, go out for a drink, or go to the movies.

At first, you may be a bit hesitant to do some things alone, but over time you will realize that even if you sometimes prefer to be with someone, you don't need the company of another person to be happy.

7. Keep calm and carry on

Grieving is a process, and a process takes time. There will be better days and worse days when you go forward and days when you go back.

So the best advice I can give you is to be patient.

Please do your part, let time do its part, and don't get overwhelmed by having lows.

8. Deidealize your ex

Sometimes we have too idealized our ex-partner. We only remember the beautiful moments, and we forget that, like any human being on the planet, they also have their faults.

I recommend that you list all the negative things that person has, the things you don't like about them, times when they didn't treat you as you deserved, etc...

This list will be your lifesaver in moments of weakness when you want to get in touch with your ex and will remind you that if the relationship is over, it is because there were reasons for it.

9. No contact

If you are trying to forget your ex, the worst thing you can do is spend all day talking to them.

At least during the initial phase, it is essential not to have contact or news of that person.

When the duel is over, you will ask yourself if you want or if it is possible to maintain a friendship.

And when I refer to not having contact with the other person, I don't mean just not talking to them.

I also suggest not looking at their Facebook and social networks, asking mutual friends, etc.

The less we know about the other person, the better!

In short, what I intend with this article is that you become an active agent in your mourning, and even that, at times, you get to enjoy the process.

If you follow these nine tips in less time than you imagine, you will smile again, and you will be able to remember that you had a relationship with good things and bad things without feeling pain for it.