8 Early Signs That He Will Be Violent or Cheat in the Future

I used to think love was a soft landing. That if you gave someone your time, attention, and loyalty, they’d protect it the way you protected theirs. But that was before I learned that the signs were always there—they were just small enough to excuse, charming enough to overlook, and buried deep enough to dismiss.

After reading the honest and sometimes heartbreaking discussions from women (and a few men) sharing their stories about partners who later turned abusive or cheated, I felt the need to write this. For every woman who wonders if she’s being paranoid. For every girl who gets told “you’re overreacting.” For everyone who feels a tug in their chest that they can’t explain.

Let’s talk about the early signs. The real ones.

1. The “Too Much Too Soon” Trap

One of the most universally shared red flags in those stories was love bombing. That sudden, overwhelming rush of affection that feels like a movie montage—he’s texting you nonstop, calling you his soulmate within a week, talking about marriage before you’ve even had your second period together.

It feels flattering until it feels suffocating. Until you realize that intensity wasn’t intimacy. It was control wearing cologne.

People who push for quick emotional commitment often aren’t trying to love you faster—they’re trying to skip the part where you might notice their true self.

2. “It Was Just a Joke” (But It Wasn’t Funny)

Here’s one I’ve lived through: the offhanded jokes at your expense. About your weight. Your family. Your dreams. The way you look when you’re not wearing makeup. You call them out and they smirk, “Relax, it’s just a joke.”

But real love doesn’t humiliate. It doesn’t wear sarcasm like a shield and strike with “humor” to test how much it can hurt you without consequences.

As one Redditor said so powerfully: “He joked that no one else would ever love me. I laughed back then. I don’t laugh about it now.”

3. Your Feelings Make Them Angry

Maybe you said something hurt you, and instead of listening, he got defensive. Or worse, he got angry. Suddenly, your emotions are the problem. You’re too sensitive. You’re “starting drama.”

Let me be clear: if your partner gets angry when you express hurt, that’s not emotional immaturity. That’s emotional weaponry. It’s how people teach you to suppress your needs.

A man who can’t handle your honesty today may become the man who punishes you for it tomorrow.

4. The Need to Control the Little Things

It’s not always about yelling or pushing. Sometimes, it’s disguised as care: “Don’t wear that, I just don’t want guys looking at you.” “Why do you have to go out with your friends so much?” “Let me know when you get there—actually, Facetime me when you arrive.”

At first, it feels protective. You might even think it’s sweet. But it’s not.

Abuse often begins in the mundane. Monitoring your location. Checking your social media. Criticizing your friends. All of these behaviors are rehearsals for larger control.

5. You Keep Making Excuses for Them

One woman wrote that she stayed because “he only yelled when he drank, and he was trying to quit.” Another said, “He cheated, but it was during a rough patch and he said he hated himself for it.”

If you hear yourself starting sentences with “He’s not usually like this” or “He didn’t mean it,” take a breath. Then ask yourself: Would you let your best friend date a man who acted like this?

Excuses are the first thing we build when we start living in a relationship we know deep down isn’t safe.

6. Your Anxiety Around Him Isn’t “Butterflies”

You don’t feel calm—you feel keyed up. You check your texts ten times before hitting send. You rehearse conversations. You get nervous when he’s quiet.

That’s not chemistry. That’s fear wrapped in codependency.

One of the most haunting Reddit stories came from someone who said they didn’t realize how anxious they were until the relationship ended. “I was waking up in the middle of the night checking if he was mad at me. I thought that was love.”

It’s not. Love shouldn’t feel like walking on broken glass.

7. You Start Losing Yourself

You stopped hanging out with your friends because he didn’t like them. You stopped posting selfies because he called you vain. You avoid sharing good news because he turns it into an argument.

Little by little, you vanish.

Every person who shared a story of abuse had this moment. That quiet, scary realization that they no longer recognized the girl in the mirror. And that’s not something that happens overnight—it’s chipped away, one comment, one guilt trip, one controlling behavior at a time.

8. You Can’t Talk About Him Honestly Anymore

I want to end with this because it hit me hard when I read it: “I knew something was wrong when I stopped telling my friends about the things he did.”

You don’t have to be in a full-blown abusive relationship to feel silenced. If you’re editing your stories, downplaying your hurt, or lying to cover his tracks, you’re already hurting more than you should.

The minute you can’t be honest about your partner to the people who love you… that’s when you know it’s time to get honest with yourself.

Final Thoughts: Trust What You Know Before You Know

The early signs aren’t always dramatic. Sometimes, they’re subtle. They come in tones, glances, and patterns. But your body knows. Your intuition knows.

Listen.

You don’t owe anyone endless chances just because they say they love you. You don’t have to wait for the bruise or the betrayal to prove yourself right. You don’t need to be the one who tried harder.

You just need to be the one who walked away early enough to heal.

For every woman reading this: you are not crazy. You are not dramatic. You are not asking for too much.

You are simply asking for love that doesn’t hurt. And that is always worth demanding.