5 Qualities Of Highly Empathetic People

As we grow more productive, hustle harder and become more goal-oriented, a highly individualistic work and personal ethic are undoubtedly fostered.

Look, there is nothing wrong in being highly productive and following your dreams with unwavering passion but as we grow more towards our goals, we may distance ourselves from our communities and tribe.

Medical education is an interesting place for empathy. It is ingrained into us as young, impressionable medical students that we can let go of our power to empathise only when we die. The truth is, there are very few things as isolating as being a health professional. The hours, the lifestyle, the emotional and, at times, physical strain leaves little room for any empathy. I don’t for a minute regret choosing medicine as a career choice but today, as the population is ageing, the climate is changing and new viruses erupting, burnout is common.

What keeps our world going, is that very quality of empathy which is now a second skin for most health professionals. Over time, I have seen unsurmountable compassion in doctors, nurses and other health workers and it all stems from simply understanding empathy at a deep level.

Empathy is seeing with the eyes of another, listening with the ears of another and feeling with the heart of another.— Alfred Adler

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1| They believe in the universality of life

As humans, we crave connection, attention and compassion. Empathetic people are acutely aware of this. Although life events undoubtedly shape each of us differently, our reaction to grief, adversity or celebration is more similar than we think.

In a fortunate life, most people only end up witnessing truly irreversible events such as loss or even death until late in their lifetime. The only upside of being surrounded by illness daily is seeing how uniformly we, as humans, react to life. Highly empathetic know life can change suddenly. They understand that what they are listening to may very well happen to them. And if it does, they will probably react the same way. This allows them to quickly jump into the shoes of the other person and listen to the way they would expect to listen to themselves.

2| They listen actively without the intent to solve

Empathetic people listen with patience. They know the challenge of giving feelings a voice. They also know it is possible to use their listening muscle without the intrusion of their mind telling them to provide solutions or push their agenda.

Presenting solutions is tempting. It carries feelings of your worth, creativity and feels natural. Empathetic people realise the restraint needed to just listen. They understand that empathy is more about others than themselves. They know that simple things like eye contact, non-verbal reassurance or gentle prompting are all someone needs to feel heard.

Empathetic people stand back, powerfully albeit quietly facilitating feelings to come out in words, for others to reflect, to validate and to learn in their own time.

3| They are free of judgement

People with high empathetic quotient are excruciatingly non-judgemental. They find it difficult to see things in black and white and allow innumerable shades of grey. They know life is not easy for everyone. This does not necessarily stem from having “seen it all” but moreover requires a thorough understanding of themselves, free of their own judgement, accepting that you don’t need to judge everything.

I often write about meditation and mindfulness. Meditation teaches you to be a watcher. Be a watcher of your thoughts, body and surroundings. Empathetic people do just that. They listen and feel, but do not judge your words or intentions. They know compassion and are not afraid to show it instead of impulsively gravitating towards worldly judgement.

4| They are incessantly in the present

Empathetic people understand the gravity of adversity. They make time for what’s important. They show up and follow up. Sometimes I look at the most empathetic people I know and feel they must have gone through every traumatic life event to deliver such an in-depth understanding of situations. They just know there is no moment like the present moment.

To be empathetic towards someone is a choice and therefore, automatically an act of respecting human connection. Sometimes, all your partner, child, parent, friend or patient needs to know is that someone is in the present adversity with them. Not distracted by the past or future, but right now, with them.

5| They don’t compare

Empathetic people do not feel better or worse about their lives by seeing others. They know life is dynamic and every single thing is impermanent.

When I recently battled with grief, I had an assortment of unbelievable kindness as well as grief-shame. I even had someone tell me that at least I have food, water and shelter and some people don’t. I get that. But what I don’t get is how hearing that helps anyone. Shaming others by comparison to someone worse off does not generate any positivity. Empathetic people know better. They have the awareness that everyone has something that another doesn’t. They do not believe in shaming others or fishing for drama in their own lives. They treat people as equally as themselves with a profound understanding that everything is temporary and adversity does not discriminate.