5 Major Red Flags of Toxic Relationships

There was a time in my life where I felt I didn’t deserve much, but it was easier for me to stay in my toxic relationship and act like everything was going instead of admitting it was wrong. I thought I was happy. I was convinced I was blissfully happy and that I found "the one". Everything seemed perfect, until I decided to look under the hood of my relationship. Over my four year relationship, there were so many red flags I chose to ignore because I didn't believe I deserved any better. I believed that everything I had I was supposed to have because I wasn't a better person. It wasn't until I started going to therapy and being open about my emotions that I realized that I was attracted to toxic relationships. I finally acknowledged the red flags I was ignoring. After a few more toxic relationships, I feel like I can point out these red flags, and I hope that by explaining them that I can help someone who may be in a similar situation. So, here's my list of 5 major red flags of toxic relationships you should look out for.

They can talk the talk, but not walk the walk

I had a short, but intense relationship two years ago. I thought he was perfect for me. It turns out that only his words that were perfect. His actions explained so much more. At one point I couldn't continue ignoring his behavior of becoming short with me, omitting information, and turns out talking to other people behind my back. It didn't matter how many times he told me he loved me or that he was going to change, his actions never matched his words. This is a MAJOR red flag. Why would you want to be with someone whose actions don't align with what they're telling you?

They don't accept you for who you are

We all have bad days, but not every day should be when you're with the person you love. One of my exes always pointed out the negatives. It was as if nothing I did was right. In the first year of our relationship, he would sit me down every three months and would tell me what I should change. It would range from needing more color in my wardrobe or talking too much to my friends on the phone or telling them something first before him. I would then try to fix it instead of sticking to who I was because I thought that I couldn't do any better. I thought I needed to mold myself to fit what he wanted. Three years later I finally snapped out of it, but I now am able to acknowledge when someone is trying to change me to fit what they want instead of accepting me for who I am.

It's their way or the highway

Have you ever been in the position when you don't know what you want to do so you rely on the other person to choose? How about if this was all the time? What if you really couldn't make any decisions? That was my life for a little bit. When my ex and I both had a day off, we would want to go explore our neighborhood. However, we'd always end up either staying home or fighting I would take time to research and see if we could do something fun and different. Sometimes my ex would agree, other times he'd want to do only what he wanted to do. I would try to compromise (and that happened a lot), but then I realized it was okay for me to have a voice. My ex on the other hand was not a fan of compromise. It was his way or the highway. Needless to say, there were many weekends I'd go read or grab coffee and my ex would play Fortnite all day.

They break your trust

There are a number of terrible feelings, and feeling the shock of betrayal is one of them. I unfortunately can still remember when I found messages on my ex's computer from several women of him flirting back and forth. Everything hurt. I was crying and in shock because I didn't know what to do. It was difficult to sit and talk to him about it after he came home from work. I wasn't strong enough them to move on and break up with him. Now I feel like it would be a different story. I tried to keep going and forget about what happened, but it always stuck with me. I couldn't fully trust him again. Once the trust is broken it's hard for them to gain it back.

When you're staying out of convenience

There's something I always ask myself when I start dating or getting serious with a partner: am I wanting to be with them because they make me happy, or is it because I don't want to be alone right now? Sometimes we stay in relationships, jobs, situations because they're convenient. Conveniences can become debilitating if you're unaware of what's going on. It clicked for me one day that my fear of being alone was driving me to stay with my boyfriend. It was then that I realized all of the red flags I was choosing to ignore. I couldn't do it anymore. My happiness is more important than being with someone or staying in a situation because it's convenient.