2021

As we all know, 2020 was one hell of a year from Covid-19, to an almost year-long quarantine, to a lot of us being for forced to sit with ourselves and reintroduce who we are to our being. During that time, I’ve learned a lot about myself that I had seemed to lose sight of, growing up. This brought parts of me I had long forgotten to the light, exposing a lot of poison and pain I’d been carrying on my chest. In this new year, I want to recognize these faults and rise from them.

I’m only twenty years old, I don’t have my own place, I barely make enough money to survive, and I’ve been shrinking myself for as long as I can remember. I’ve always gone an extra mile for those I care about and I’ve conditioned myself to piut their needs over mine sometimes. I’ve always tried to be considerate and careful, never wanting to upset anyone and always avoiding confrontational situations. I smiled even when I was sad, stayed quiet when I was upset, and never let on to how deeply people and their words affected me. I’ve repeatedly tried to force myself into a box too small for myself out of fear, guilt, and shame, just to appease others. I’ve tried to play a role that doesn’t fit my character and I’m tired.

2021, I’m tired of being someone I’m not. I am not quiet. I am not always respectful. I don’t like to follow rules I don’t believe in and I will not put anyone above me again. I’ve learned to love every single inch of who I know I am to be and I’m tired of letting outside energy come in and darken my skies. I use to think that I was the problem, I just couldn’t be who I was, no one would like me and I’d always be alone. I pushed away friends and family, got my heart broken, and I wanted to give up on myself, my life. I can’t do that anymore.

This year I want to let the worries and fears go. I want to learn to fully embrace myself with and in everything I do. I want to find love to finally indulge and give myself what I deserve, learn to love and be loved. I want to say “no”, stand up for myself and recognize my own voice. I want to embody my true power, grow from the lessons and become the best version of myself.

I’ve been underestimating myself, allowing others’ opinions to live within my head, casting doubt onto myself. Thoughts of failure and rejection have held me back from going for what I want before. No more. I’m sick of playing nice and pretending I’m not as strong as I know myself to be, as beautiful as the face in the mirror staring back at me. I am smart, funny, creative, loving and so much more.

No one can take that. No one could ever make me doubt it. 2021, will finally bring me happiness, love, and peace of mind. I will not worry or stress. I will trust and put my faith in this universe. I will welcome all my blessings and always show gratitude. 2021 I’ll finally just be me.