Zombie Diary

This morning when I awoke, I had a headache and an uncontrollable thirst that I had never quite experienced before. When I rolled over and looked at my lovely wife, she was not as lovely as she had been the night before. It felt like the wine had hit harder than it normally does, like the worst hangover I had ever had. I notice a pin point of bright red on the top of the pillow. No knowing what it was I ran my finger across it, smearing it into a long streak of red across the entire pillow. Just then my wife’s eyes popped open and I could see the piss yellow and bloodshot look in her eyes as she moaned. Except it was not a moan but more like a primal growl followed by a toothy snarl and her lunging for me like I was a snack, and not a snack in the way I truly want to be. Quickly I rolled away from her falling to the floor and scurrying into the bathroom and locking the door. “What the fuck?” Was that my wife attacking me or was that a terrible dream. Just then I heard her smash into the door with no breaks like a Mac truck barreling into the back door of a mechanic shop. “Nope” this was no dream, feeling like shit I pried open the bathroom door and squeezed my big ass through the window. Luckily I was still dressed from the night before so wallet and keys are not an issue as they are still in my pockets. As I reached the door to the car, I could hear my wife smashing through the big picture window in the living room, she was hungry and she wanted a piece of me. I was able to get in the car and back out of the drive just as she made it to the car. Slinging her across the street, rolling into the neighbors yard, she was hurt and she was not getting back up just yet. I put the car in drive and burnt the tires to get the hell out of dodge, Not that dodge is where I live, But you get the gist.

The drive into the city was a long one. Normally it was filled with bumper to bumper traffic, but not today, today it was smooth sailing like I was the only person left alive on the planet, except the crazy zombie bitch that use to be my wife that I left behind in the neighbors yard. What the fuck is going on? This is now the 1000th time I have grumble this very thing under my breath. I don’t get it, what the hell happened? I can’t remember much from last night, and I can’t figure out why I’m so thirsty. I reach for one of the bottles of water I normally keep in the car. Guzzling it down, I instantly know this is not going to be a good time. Immediately and with no regard for the non existent traffic. I slammed the car in park and then thrust open the door in order to projectile vomit. Wait, water has never done that. Taking a look at myself in the mirror all I could think was “Shit! Do I look rough or what?” However, when I tried to speak, nothing would come out. Wait a damn minute, Water is making me sick, I can’t talk and I’m hungrier than I have ever been. I’m a fucking zombie! What in the hell am I going to do now. I’m a fucking zombie! I have to work tomorrow…. Or do I?