Why I no longer take in packages for my neighbours

I’m lucky, I guess. I inherited my parents’ farmhouse in the British northern countryside after they decided life would be better spent in the south of France. It was bittersweet at the time, I was super excited to be living on my own, a full home all to myself with zero effort. Buuut I was 18, just out of sixth form, no job no real way to maintain the house. I knew it was going to be hard but the thought of getting an actual job straight out of school was still pretty crap. I was hoping id get a few years draining the parents dry before I had to be a big girl. That’s when I met Todd. Todd lived in the next house over from me, which was surprising as I hadn’t actually noticed anyone move in.

There were only 2 houses in the farm estate itself and no one else for miles, so the fact that I had missed like 3 moving vans just 3 months previous proves how self-absorbed I really was!

He was nice though, not much older than me. He said he managed to get into YouTube early and had made a substantial amount of cash making stupid videos for bored kids. He was able to afford to buy the farmhouse next to ours outright but was so busy recording he didn’t have time to actually maintain his property without the help of a housekeeper.

Now, I’ll be totally honest The thought of just cutting my losses and asking this rich guy to marry me there and then so I didn’t have to work did cross my mind…a little bit. but I thought id play the long game and offer my housekeeping services.

The pay was actually pretty good, the job wasn’t hard, do a little cleaning, tidy up the lawn, take in packages left by amazon etc when he was on one of his many MANY holidays. All was good.

It was late January when I was left with hardly anything to do, there was about 5 inches of snow, so the work was minimal. He gave me £500 to literally watch out for a package arriving within the next week and I was very grateful I didn’t have to go outside until then.

It arrived about 6 days later, id gone to bed at around 9.30 on the Thursday night and by Friday morning it was there, I know some couriers deliver late so I wasn’t too alarmed to see it there but I WAS alarmed at the size of the thing!. I pulled on my wellies and trudged through the snow not knowing how the hell I was to shift a box just short of washing machine size over to my garage.

After a quick inspection and it was obvious there was no way I was going to lift this thing without a dolly, it was made out of wood not cardboard like id originally thought and really REALLY heavy. It was nailed shut so I thought the contents would be safe until id managed to get my friend to bring his over.

A couple of hours passed, and my friend helped me manoeuvre the mammoth thing over to my garage, we got the first wheel over the lip of the garage door but the other wheel caught and the box went tumbling sideways, it definitely sounded like something cracked inside but we pushed it right side up and slid it against the radiator at the back wall. I was just hoping todd would blame the delivery company if anything was actually damaged.

I left it in there and didn’t really give it a second thought…until I noticed the smell. It was a cold smell, a heavy smell that’s the best way I can describe it, it smelled like the time I was hiking along the train tracks as a kid and a came across a dead dear. It flowed out of the garage and into the kitchen as days went by.

By the 4th day I just couldn’t take it anymore, I don’t know what id broken in there, but it was starting to leak a brownish fluid onto the concrete of the garage floor.

I opened the sliding doors into the freezing afternoon outside before dialling todds mobile number, I was going to have to tell him what had happened and hopefully, whatever was inside wasn’t too valuable. Knowing todd it probably was and I started to feel anxious.

That anxiety grew into sheer panic as the box started to emit a muffled vibration. Buzz buzz. Buzz buzz.

I dropped the phone to my side still ringing and walked towards the rancid box, icicles forming in my blood as I approached. Buzz buzz, buzz buzz.

I cancelled todds call and listened…silence.

What the hell was in that box!

My dad had always kept a shit tone of tools in the workbench at the side of the garage, I scrambled around looking for a crowbar. Its not the movies, there was no crowbar…but I found a hammer.

I slid the claw side in between the wood and the nails and pushed down with every bit of shaky strength I had. The side panel fell open and I gagged at the putrid sight and smell assaulted my senses.

It was Todd, todd was in the box, packed inside like a sardine, almost completely naked with blankets, clothing, empty food containers, his phone and a camera. the camera was still recording.

Vomit exploded from my mouth as his hand flopped out of the box exposing his sickly green tinged skin. He was very, very dead.

I backed out of the garaged tears streaming down my face in total disbelief. I called the police.

It later transpired, after the police examined the footage that todd had attempted to create a youtube video, where he mailed himself to his own address from the south of the uk. The idea was to document his journey and surprise his neighbour as she attempted to move the box from his porch.

He survived the travel but the package was delivered late at night and the blankets todd had, didn’t provide enough warmth for him to withstand the minus 10 degree Celsius cold all night. He had pulled off his clothes at around 7am due to paradoxical undressing and had slipped into unconsciousness by 9. But he was still alive. Cause of death was a broken neck caused by the box dropping on its side as we moved it into the garage.

The police say it wasn’t my fault, He was unconscious and was slumped at a very unfortunate angle.

I guess I did break the contents after all.