What Eyes See

I loved the color of his eyes, they were deep green, like the rolling hills of Ireland. His hair was always windswept, black spirals that nearly touched his forehead. I used to watch from afar as he laughed with his friends or stared endlessly out a window until he was slapped back into attention by Mateo. Mateo, my cousin, would always tousle my hair and call me “niña”. I would just laugh, silently fuming, walking away with my head down.

“I’m almost a woman,” I'd hiss in the mirror in my room at night, my head spinning in circles of confusion.

At night I’d lay awake on my gray sheets, my eyes on the ceiling imagining his eyes piercing mine. But I woke up in an empty room with a ball gown, my turtle, and me.

The memory of the first day I saw him, I felt my breath leave my lungs. Leaves were falling in the chilled air, they tickled the maturing trees. I was a freshman in my high school, a private school that offered scholarships around the country. He was a senior transfer from the most dangerous city in Michigan but floated through the halls unknown until Mateo. Our school had strict white halls and polished daily linoleum and he’d come in scuffing it up. At lunch, I remember sitting with my friends, Silvana and Magdelena with our white rose friendship bracelets hugging our wrists. We've been friends since I transferred here, I found their love of pettiness interesting and they found my lack of dialogue alien-like, and we became closer than sisters. My friends echoed “Luna,” and I turned to see those green piercing eyes on me, he had smooth fair skin and walked in long strides. It seemed like the whole lunchroom froze when they saw him, blobs of humans bordered him as he sat down. My friends giggled and looked back the other way, I sat looking at him while chewing my carrots. My eyes lay on him a moment more before his eyes met mine and I broke the connection in blatant embarrassment and something else. It was fear that crept up my spine when I saw his eyes.

That night I looked at myself in the mirror under lavender light. I had straight chocolate-colored hair that ended just above my waist, and dull brown eyes that were framed with long black eyelashes. I glanced at my turtle Coco who was a Caspian Pond turtle marbled in the colors of yellow-green. Coco’s favorite pastime was bathing on her rock, my father called her a little model. Magdalena and Silvana didn’t want anything to do with her, forming faces of disgust when they saw her, I only saw my relationship with my dad. We’d picked her together. I walked past her and went to bed dissatisfied, falling asleep to Coco making soft splashes in her enclosure.

The clouds framed the glassy blue sky, and warm wind swept my hair, tickling my cheeks. My morning was interrupted walking into school by Mateo yelling at me in a thick Detroit accent “One more day niña!”. My anger boiled and my face turned into a pout, I marched up to Mateo “Shut up Mateo!”. He was there amused at the encounter, smiling as my eyes met his. Mateo’s heavy voice “Sebastian’s coming too, Tía Esme said it was okay”. His name is Sebastian I thought, looking into his bottomless eyes getting lost. “Okay,” I answered in a daze. Mateo called for Sebastian to leave and as they turned the corner of the drab library Mateo said “You know she likes you right?”, Sebastian just shook his head, snickering and they were gone.

I stomped up to Silvana and Magdalena in 4th period, they were eating pretzels, their minds chewing on the latest gossip or on anything else remotely small in this bitter school.

I chomped down on my celery grabbing their attention “His name is Sebastian”

They squealed, throwing their hands up, pretzel crumbs rushing out of their hands and landing on their royal blue blazers. Their voices fluttered around me, I could only hear snippets of their aggressive questions. Shaking my head in confusion I just said he’d be there at my quinceanera, my blood simmering from Mateo’s comments. The girls shrieked and meandered to talk about how they were going to dress and how they were going to fix their hair. I thought about my large Quinceañera ball gown hung in a clear protective layer in my closet, ringed in white and gold pearls and iridescent in gold silk. I had planned to wear my hair in long ringlets down my back with a jewel-encrusted tiara. My mother had spent over fifty-thousand on my Quinceañera, flurrying around the house making plans continuously saying “Your father would have liked it like this”. I let my head rest on my hands on the table, remembering my life without the grandeur of money. I lived in a one-story house with my father and mother, our most expensive item being the wedding rings my parents had.

Suddenly I was ripped from home, traveling to a million-dollar house and living with money built on my father's dismal death. The only memories I have of him before his death was his pride in my dreams. Leading up to his death we’d watch law shows together, debating in jest over the cases. He’d beam when I told him I wanted to be an attorney, then he chuckled saying “Only if I had you on my counsel would we get more justice, I know you’ll bring that back into the world, niña. Justice.” My eyes filled with tears and they ushered me out of the room, his burned and blacked hand letting go of mine as I was pulled away forever. Silvana tapped my shoulder just as the bell rang and smiled saying “I can’t wait to see you tonight, you’re going to look stunning,” I smiled tightly at her and she left me in my swirling bloodsucking thoughts.

After my lunch with Silvana and Magdelena my mother pulled me out of school, she was always dressed in a pants suit alternating blocky solid colors. Today she was in a navy blue pants suit, nearly matching my cotton blazer. She looked almost like me but had a face framed with curly jet black hair and had full lips, painted a wine color. She hurried me in the car and talked in a mellow voice of honey on her calls driving the Detroit streets, we finally reached our house in a screeching halt of our Mercedes SUV. My house was towering, with wisteria the color of plums. Our house was wrapped in oak trees and lilacs with cream paneling and was modeled off a Tudor house. It was a far cry from our former brick one-story house. Entering I was greeted with a cloud of hairspray and stylists fitting me for a corset, the pulling and hair ripping continued for 3 hours before I stepped out of the cloud. I looked like a star, a glowing dazzling ball of light, my mother approached from the other room carrying a beautiful diadem. She placed it on my head and I felt the breath leave my body. I looked into the mirror again, I didn't look like a girl.

The guests were upper-class, they held their glasses with their pinkies outstretched and I could see that they wrinkle their noses at anyone who made less than six figures. They wore nothing related to my Quinceañera, wearing more ball gown attire with cufflinks. Unknown faces swirled around me like the ice cubes in my drink, watering down my Aguas Frescas. It seemed like my father's Mexican heritage had died with him, as my mother catered herself. The ballroom my mother picked was ornate with adorned walls and doors. I saw Silvana dancing with a pock-faced boy with a blue tie and Magdelena whirling around the dance floor with Mateo, swaying with a drink in hand. I sit at the center table, the tables around me piled high with gifts and sweets. My eyes wandered the room in boredom, the music swelling altering my thoughts. She suddenly sees Sebastian walk in. He had a cream-colored sable fur coat and under a sleek black suit, the room seemed to pause for a moment but continued in a whirl of motion towards him. He moved in fluidity walking towards me, my mother rubbing on him like a cat. She pulled him from my view and suddenly he was next to me- a chill traveled up my spine.

I let out a small breath and he said in a cool tone “Do you want to dance?”

My heart fluttered, thinking why? My body seemed to follow him blindly as he led me on the dance floor, my dress floating on the floor, his soft jacket brushing my arms. We danced under the glimmering ceiling and the grand empire chandeliers. I giggled beaming and felt his armrest on my back, his smile present. I felt like pure ecstasy, Sebastian’s viridian eyes piercing twirling me to my favorite songs.

He put his lips to her ears suddenly and said “Let’s leave, I want to show you something.”

I nodded wiggling a bit, his eyes seemed to darken but I paid no mind. We started to walk towards the oak doors, the guests didn’t bat an eye and were far too worried about the plates of pule and Wagyu beef. I saw mom in a similar royal gown to her pants suit, she looked gorgeous and was running around making last-minute calls. Briefly sprinkled among the high living guests were my classmates, drinking from silver flasks. Silvana and Magdelena gawked from afar, squealing and clapping in the shade, void of golden light. I mouthed “I know” grinning before exiting the ballroom.

He walked me out to his pickup truck, the full moon blinding in the twilight sky. I shimmered under the light, my dress luminescent. We laughed quietly, trying to stuff my dress into the front seat, the dress folds mingling with his cologne. He started at the car with a roar and it was peacefully silent as he drove the winding streets of Detroit, lights warm and bright. I could tell they were heading towards Lake St. Clair as they were on a downward projection. I rolled down the window and put my head out the window screaming in joyful exuberance. He laughed a bit, growing silent as the time passed, wind whipping my hair.

We finally reached the pebbled shore, the moonlight caught on waves as they rippled to the shore. I danced on the shore, pebbles getting caught in my toes and my feet wriggled under. Sebastian picked a nearby four-leafed clover for me, a rarity. It was a pretty thing, growing in the rough environment, I cherished it, smiling brightly. He smiled sadly and turned his face. I sat down on the stony shore. I didn’t care about my dress being ruined, I just wanted to bathe in the light of the moon. The stones sifted near me and he was next to me looking up at the moon too, dazing off just like I’d seen in school.

“You look lovely,” he said in a low, sure tone.

I felt my stomach blush and my eyes grow wide. I watched a toy boat on the shore slowly being pulled in by the earth, swallowed up; forgotten by the one who left it. I ripped off my shoes and threw a rock as hard as I could at the water, making hard plonking noises when entering the water.

I heard him take a breath and in a level, tone say “Which is why it is so hard to do this…”

“To do what…” I said in a wary voice, eyes fixed ahead.

“My family runs a prostitution ring, and it’s a rite of passage to pick, and I pick you” he simply said turning towards me. His face was calm, an eerie calm.

His green eyes were now as sharp as emeralds. My breath became panicky, the head clouded with confusion, and my eyes turned damp.

My body lurched away in a subtle tone, I said distressed “I don’t want to be picked,”

I rushed to my feet, her long dress catching on rocks. I felt myself backing away from him and into the lake, cold water rushing over my feet. He had teeth like canines, his smile almost jagged. All the beauty I’d seen in him was alluring but a rotting core of a person inched their way towards me; I felt a scream itching in my throat.

I heard a car, a roar of life echoing around me. I picked up my dress and ran towards it, anything to get away from him. A ragged scream was escaping my mouth and I slipped and slid over the rocks, Sebastian's eyes piercing my back. He yelled incoherently and ran after me; a lion pursuing fated prey. I reached a person’s silhouette in front of the car mumbling pleading words, my eyelashes heavy, and my makeup smeared to an unrecognizable mess. I saw the pulling back of a hand and then the whole world went black… My head was pounding, swirling with blood and thoughts of nothing. I saw my dad drift past his face beaming slowly. I felt a sharp pulling, my body rolling in the sharp gravel. My eyes opened slowly and my peripheral was filled with blood. Blood was everywhere, the crimson color stained my brilliant dress and continued to ooze from my body.

The surroundings were fuzzy and my body was limp, I heard pieces of conversation and fists hitting bodies. “Why’d you do that! I would have got her” ''You took too long” a pause and then ''She’s fine, they’ll patch her up and she’ll be able to work” The silhouette laughed and I was dragged across the stones, loose and limp as a ragdoll. My once joyous dress was now ripped and stained, remnants of the night. I felt myself being lifted into the air, the silhouette hurling lewd comments and Sebastian standing, his face a welt, angry red and purple. I was thrown on the bed of the truck, my head ringing like a bell and my heart vibrating.

Is that the end? I don’t get to become anything, just an object being sold. I felt my body dying, the fight dissolving from pain to numbness, my mind was filled with lividity. Bodies of my criminal court cases, slack sorrow bodies pooling blooming red and blue blood the shape of flowers. Their lives ended with a violent death. I saw tears puddle in the bed of the truck, mixing with my blood and the grime filling the lobes of the truck. Only if my dad could see me now, a sigh escaped my lips following sad morbid laughter. The lake was silent and the sounds of a trunk starting traveled across the water. My eyes were closed but I felt eyes on me, green eyes relishing in what my eyes would see.