Watching

I watch you every day, but you never know I’m there. I know everything there is to know about you. It’s amazing what you can learn about someone by digging through their trash. With everything that I’ve learned about you, I still want to know more. Of course, I know what you look like but I want to know what you feel like. Is your skin soft and delicate? What do your lips taste like? Are they soft and luscious?

You have no idea who I am, but I want that to change. I want to introduce myself to you but I’m afraid. I’m afraid you won’t like me for who I am. Or you will think I’m a hideous monster. I can admit, I’m not the most normal of people. But I have no ill intent, I promise you. I’m just shy. I’ve never been with a woman and sometimes I’m afraid I never will.

Most women don’t even give me a second glance. Any that do, I end up running from. I’m too afraid to strike up a conversation. The only way I can ever get close is like I am now. Hiding outside your home, watching you from afar. The more I watch you, however, the more I feel the courage to knock on your door and ask you out to dinner. But how would I ever explain that? I’ve been watching you; would you like to go on a date? I know women don’t like that sort of thing.

Which leaves me only this one option. To watch you. To keep you in my sights. To protect you at all costs. I’m afraid there are people out there that would want to hurt you. At least with me out here, I know they will never get to you. Maybe I could tell you that? Maybe that could make watching you all this time okay? I’m not sure.

You are so beautiful and I’m certain I’m in love with you. I know, I know. How can I be in love with someone I’ve never met? You just have this certain way about you. Everything you do is amazing from the way you sing to yourself while cleaning the dishes to how you dance when vacuuming the house. You are adorable when you think no one is watching. But I’m always here, watching you.

In my mind, we have all sorts of fun together. We do everything together. Everything from watching Netflix in our underwear to traveling the world together. It’s just a daydream now but I’m sure it will come true one day. You and I are meant to be. You just haven’t figured it out yet, that’s all. And I’m not mad at you for that.

I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. So, in the spirit of honesty, I have to admit something to you. While you were showering a few weeks ago, I did sneak into your home. Yes, I know it was wrong. I shouldn’t come in uninvited. But I had to experience your home for myself. I had to know what it smelled like, you know? I always pictured it smelling like cherry blossom, which is your favorite lotion. I couldn’t pinpoint the smell but it was lovely. Something fruity and wonderful.

If you ask me, I think I exercised incredible restraint. After all, the love of my life was in the other room showering. I could hear the water splashing off your body. It took every ounce of will power to not ask if I could join you. But I didn’t, in the end. I left your house and went back to my usual spot. I watched your silhouette through the opaque glass as you toweled off. One day, you would notice me and I would be able to join you. For now, I was happy to watch from afar.

When you went on vacation, I was sad. The love of my life was gone for a whole week. It was a depressing week for me. The only thing to get me through was sleeping in your bed. Oh, I should probably admit again that I snuck into your home while you were gone. I promise, there was no ill intent. I was there to keep your house safe while you were out. I kept some lights on at night so people would think you were still home. The idea of you coming home to a robbed house filled me with anxiety.

My god, your bed is comfortable. And your pillow still smells like you even when you’re gone. I think it was the best sleep of my life. I cuddled up against your pillow and held it tight, wishing it was you. That night, I dreamt sweet dreams of you. We had a house together and a family. It was the perfect life. You loved me exactly the way I am. Waking up that morning was difficult. Knowing you weren’t there depressed me. But spending the day in your home made up for it. I’ve never spent so much time there.

After spending a week in your home, I felt closer to you. The relationship I had always wanted with you seemed closer than ever. My wildest dreams were coming true. So, you can imagine my surprise when you brought home another man after your trip. I had never seen this guy before. Naturally, I was worried about you. This guy could have been a creep!

He seemed to be moving into your house with you. How could this be? You weren’t meant to be with him. You were meant to be with me. This betrayal hurt. I know, it’s hard to blame you when you technically don’t know I exist. But still, our love is true love and you shouldn’t have eyes for anyone else. You should feel like I do, that he’s not the one for you. But it didn’t seem like you were getting that feeling. Which meant, this new man had to go.

For the first time in a long time, I didn’t follow you to work. Instead, I followed him. I knew he was bad news. There was something wrong with this guy and I would prove it. That would be the way into your heart. I would be the man who showed you the unfaithful jerk you were with. You would be so grateful; we would start dating and life would be good.

Just as I suspected, this man of yours met with another woman for lunch. I could already feel the heartbreak you would eventually go through. But it would all be for the best. The path you were on with this guy wasn’t the one for you. You belonged with me. I watched as this man sat for an entire lunch date with this disgusting woman. It’s not her fault, I suppose. She didn’t know the type of man she was with, much like you.

I was going to get him out of your life. You would thank me for it eventually. The only problem was, I didn’t know how to do that. I would have taken a picture of this jerk with his side woman, but my phone was too old and not good enough. The photo would never come out. It left me with only one other option.

That afternoon, I followed the man back to your house. I was happy to see you weren’t home yet. There was still no formal plan in my mind. I figured I would sneak into your house once more and scare the man away. Maybe if he ran off, it would spare you the heartache. But when I confronted him inside your home, he wasn’t very receptive. I’m ashamed to say I had to hit him with something to get him off me. I think I hit him harder than I meant to because he didn’t move after that. I panicked then. I didn’t want you coming home to a dead body. What kind of first impression would that make?

I found an old tarp hidden away in your garage and wrapped the body up inside. Dragging it through the backyard and into the alley behind your house was difficult. But not nearly as difficult as getting the body away from your home and buried. I won’t even tell you what went into that. But believe me, it was daunting.

The next few days were hard to watch. Your tears broke my heart, but I knew it was for the best. Without that terrible man in your life, you would flourish. And more importantly, you would flourish with me at your side. It was only a matter of time. There as a hole in your heart that I would help fill.

I overheard you on the phone late last night. You had your bedroom windows open and I found a perfect place in some bushes in your backyard. You were crying. At first, I thought you were crying about the man who had run out on you. But it didn’t take long to realize you had lost someone else in your life. I guess your brother went missing. I was sorry to hear that. Hopefully, his disappearance made you forget about that good for nothing boyfriend of yours. In light of recent events, I thought today would be the perfect day to introduce myself to you. You need me now more than ever. When we get together tonight, you’ll forget all about that awful man and your missing brother. I’ll make sure of it. I love you. See you soon.