Things to Do

20. First, I am going to really aim at those ten pounds I need to drop (the doctor said very little about it, but I know what I have to do). Another gym membership might be a little expensive, but I think I can afford it if I save some money.

19. Save more money from work. I don’t have to buy a lunch every day, and I can learn a little more about how to cook things that are not eggs and bacon. I think I might have a cookbook somewhere in here. Maybe I should also skip buying coffee every day at the café. Not all my fault.

18. Tell Laura how I really feel. Tell Laura that I love her. Tell Laura… Talk to her and try to figure out what she is really interested in. If I see her every day, we should be able to have a real conversation, not like we did that one time. She just did not understand what I was trying to do when we talked the last time.

17. Make a request for more money. I am doing the work of more than one staff member, so I do deserve more pay. Mr. Robiecziecki is a fair man. He even lets me sit with him in the cafeteria if I have a problem I can’t talk about with someone else.

16. Take one of those online classes that teach you more about how to do things with my computer. Not enough to spend all that time staring at a screen and pretending I have a life. Social media is telling me all of the things that I do not need to know.

15. Find out why Laura did not write back to me after I sent out that message. Maybe she did not know that it was me, even with the photo (maybe I need a clearer shot on the page). She would have written back to me.

14. Set up an exercise routine. I could pass by the local track and run at least three times a week. Early mornings would work (no one to laugh at me).

13. Ignore that neighbour who ignores me. Heard him laughing behind my back one day but I did not say anything. Must have been about me. He was so quiet until I walked by.

12. Spend more money on comic books. I only try to collect the ones from Image and Dark Horse now, but that is a future investment (prices are already good for them; will wait for them to get even better).

11. Get a membership at the local museum. Not sure what to make of modern art, but it is a nice distraction from just heading straight home after work. Wonder what the prices are like…

10. Earn more money. Look for other work besides that office if I can find it. The only thing that can fix things up for me is to get a promotion or look for something else. I just feel stuck there. Mr. Robiecziecki would understand.

9. Do not get distracted by things that are nicer than anything I have at home. My place is small, but I do try to make it seem presentable. My tastes are very simple, I think.

8. Do not embarrass myself in public again. Laura is not like other girls and she would never behave like Sally and throw something at me for just speaking my mind like that. That was a big mistake and I won’t do that again. Not again!

7. Read a real book this year. Graphic novels are fine, but I noticed that Laura was holding a copy of a book that seems quite popular right now. I think that the author is called…Murakami. There were so many of them on that shelf at the bookstore that it was hard to see which one she had. At least she did not see me when I looked at the shelf. The clerk told me that she was there at least once a week and I should think about what to do about that. Would it be the same day or some other time (that was a Wednesday, I think). And what is Murakami like, anyway? Hope he isn’t too clever or hard to read.

6. Call the family once a week. My mom always worries about me now. She really did not worry about things back when I was a kid, but that is not fair. It is too late to change things, and she knows that I am really on my own here. But she is my mom, no matter what happened, or will happen.

5. Make more friends. The people at work don’t really count and the only way to fix this is to find people who like what I like. Have to join something that is not on my computer. Neighbour still laughs at me and I really don’t know what my coworkers think of me. They’ll all regret it.

4. Throw this list away as soon as I can. I don’t want this to be something that people find later and use against me when things go bad.

3. Write a proper letter to Laura to explain why I did what I did. Sometimes, I think that people just do not understand what it is like to be lonely in this world. We are all lonely sometimes, I think. Aren’t we all just…lonely people?

2. Pay off last set of bills before the month ends. There really is no need for me to keep myself in debt. I already have a lot to pay back and I am not happy about this at all.

1. Control my anger. Had to end with that one. I always lose my temper for simple things, but the counselor told me that this is something I can handle. If I lose that weight, I think that this is a good first step. Maybe Mr. Robiecziecki understands that and sees that I am trying. Maybe Laura will give me a chance and just listen this time.

Maybe this is going to be a great year…

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You can find more poems, stories, and articles by Kendall Defoe on my Vocal profile. I complain, argue, provoke and create...just like everybody else.

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