The Vampire’s Wallet

Celestine rubbed her thumbs against her gold wallet. Her fingers had a tight grasp of the crisp handle. How she got her hands on an exquisite and expensive purse, was something she wanted to be kept secret, but she couldn't help but show it off. She loved flashing her wealth: made her feel like she was worth something in the vampire society.

She peered over at her friend, Ruth who was sitting by the fire. Then there was Mary squashed in the corner between them, reading a book.

Celestine placed the purse in her lap. There had been a lot of wallets being stolen, and it's very prominent in the capital. The thieves tend to prey on tourists but would take from a local given the opportunity.

"How's that book, Mary?" Celestine asked. No answer. She looked at Ruth. "Comfortable?" Ruth appeared asleep. "Do you guys want a drink?" Mary remained absorbed in a black paperback whilst Ruth began to snore. "Fine, it's just me then." She ordered a glass of wine, a pint of Hook Norton beer and a shot of baileys with lots of ice.

Ruth opened her eyes at the sound of the glass crashing on the table. "What on earth are you playing at?"

"Well, I asked if you guys wanted a drink and you ignored me," Celestine cried out. She downed the glass of wine in just a couple of quick gulps. She went on to take a sip of her beer and nodded as she drunk. The alcoholic vapour gave her kick even better than sucking the blood out of something.

"You can't drink that stuff," Ruth hissed, flashing her fangs as she tried to confiscate her drinks from her.

Celestine grabbed both full glasses and pushed back against her chair. "Who said I can't have any?"

Ruth leaned over the table. Her ginger girls ruffled all over her face. "You're a vampire," she whispered in her ear. "You're only supposed to drink blood."

"Ruth," Celestine bickered back, pointing to her bosom. "I don't know if you noticed, but I'm not a kid anymore. You can't tell me what to do."

"Hey," Mary said, clapping her book shut. "I was getting to the good part there. What's going on."

Ruth held onto Celestine's wrists. "I'm trying to stop this girl from making the biggest mistake of her life."

"Get off me."

Ruth huffed and sat back down. "You're not a human anymore either. You can't go round drinking like you used to."

Celestine shrugged her shoulders and half her pint was already gone. She passed the drink over to Mary. "This is a nice pint, do you want to try some."

Mary shook her head. "I don't drink. Never have done. Never will. My husband got drank a whole crate of gin to himself and stuff poured out from all his holes."

"Look, it's only three drinks, it's not going to do me any harm."

"It ain't gonna do your wallet any good," Mary said. "Save your money and buy books instead. Drinks come in and out, but a book can last forever if you take good care of them." She held the book up to her face with pride. "I've had this book for over 250 years. They got those electronic tablets and phones you can read books on, but they don't that sensual smell or that soothing page flipping sound."

"Now," Ruth said, watching Celestine demolish every drop of her three drinks, "Celestine, let me get back to my point. Real vampires drink blood: and blood only. All this garbage human food simply doesn't work for your system anymore."

"Don't be so prudish," Celestine said with a sigh. "I have a bacon sandwich every morning. I have fish and chips on a Friday, and I like my Sunday roasts. And believe me, they haven't done me any harm at all."

"And that's why I love cats," Mary chattered, stroking her cat pendant around her neck. "They look after themselves mostly. Don't have to clean up for them and approve my life. I get the blood and they get the meat. It's a win-win situation."

Ruth's crooked nose pointed at Mary. "What do cats have to do with this?"

"You what they say about dogs being a man's best friend?" Mary asked. The other two looked at her with spaced out expressions. "Well, a cat is a vampire's best friend." A black cat jumped on the table and meowed for attention. "This cat belongs to my five times great-granddaughter. It amuses me how she's married to my six times great nephew."

"Well we don't care," Ruth snarled. "At least you know where your descendants are." Her eyes became fixated on Celestine's wallet as its skin shined on her face. She scratched it, just the sense of the light was enough to make her skin tingle.

Celestine opened it and flicked through the green, blue and beige notes that made it so plump. She clipped it closed and smiled.

"You've got to get rid of that purse!" Ruth demanded with clenched fists.

Celestine laughed. "Why?"

"Because ever since you've had that wallet, you've turned nasty."

Celestine waved her hands around as she spoke with the purse still in her grip. "What do you mean by that? How can an item turn me evil? I earned this money fair and square. What do you think Mary?"

"I think it's a nice wallet," Mary admitted. "It's not the sort you see every day. Where did you get it from, or who did you kill to receive it."

"Who did I kill? Nobody," Celestine lied. "I've had this purse for ages. I had found it in my attic whilst I was clearing out."

"Why do you lie so much? There's no shame in killing."

"You know what?" Celestine declared. She stood up, tucking her wallet under her arm. "Fuck this shit, I'm going to order a pizza!"