The Uneasy Echo

"What do you think happens when we die?"

I turned to Jess, trying to judge her mood. She hated any kind of talk of a serious nature so to ask a question like this was out of character. It looked to me like she had more on her mind but I didn't sense any anxiety so I answered.

"Well, as a child I would have said that heaven was our final destination but as I grew up I didn't see the logic in those teachings."

"What changed your mind?" she asked.

"I became obsessed with astronomy. I learned that everything in the universe dies but what is left behind becomes the source of something else."

"Really?"

"Yeah. The elements that make up all things were formed in the earliest stars to exist and die in the beginnings of the universe. When things die on this planet they break down and become building blocks for new life."

I could see Jessica was starting to gain enthusiasm for what I was saying and it was moments like this that I loved. Jess has dealt with a lot of self confidence and anxiety issues, so we moved into a house in the country to try and give her a place that was serene. Her eyes sparkled and I could tell she wanted to ask another question.

"It sounds like you believe in reincarnation. Is that what you think happens to us?"

"I do. I mean it would be the theory I think is most likely."

"Do you think we come back as humans or animals?" she asked laughing. The sound of her musical laugh made my heart swell. We dated for a couple of years before marrying and have been husband and wife for three more. From the beginning I loved Jessica and I knew she also loved me but her past made it difficult for her to accept that she deserved this happiness. However, since moving to our new house I've noticed a change in her. Her energy day by day grew. She started projects around the house and even began converting the barn into a studio that will become a space for her to be creative.

"Actually I don't think I feel like I have a definite idea but sometimes when you spend time with an animal there can seem to be a kind of understanding in their eyes. I do like the idea that we could experience what it is to be an animal."

"What kind of animal would you hope to come back as?"

"A barn owl."

Jess' eyes went wide. "Really? Can I ask why?"

"I've always loved owls. Also, being here the last little while has given me a new appreciation for quiet country life. It would be amazing if I could live a life soaring around the fields and sleeping in a barn."

Jessica shifted sideways swinging her leg over me and straddled my lap. Her smile was radiant and I couldn't get enough. The moment was about to be broken though as I saw she was working her way to saying something.

"Listen, and please don't interrupt Liam because I won't be able to say all this again. I know our life together so far has not been ideal. I just want you to know how much I appreciate you and the sacrifice you're making for me. Giving up your life in Toronto to move out here was not an easy thing but you've shown me who you really are the last few weeks. The commitment you made to me I will never forget. I love you so much Liam."

She leaned in and kissed me. Her fingers found the back of my head and grabbing a handful of hair she pulled me tighter, deepening the kiss. As our lips parted I began to open my eyes, having only a second to register the glint off the knife before it pierced under my chin and made its way to the back of my head. I think it hit my spine because I lost all control over my body and I fell back with Jess still atop me. She stood up and calmly started to make her way towards the barn. Reality seemed to be unraveling around me and I felt like every one of my senses were heightened to an almost painful level. There was a darkness that surrounded the barn by a width about fifty meters and I saw, felt, tasted, smelled and heard everything within that radius of dark. It wasn't an out of body experience like I had heard of so often.

Whatever was happening my attention was centered on Jessica. She entered the barn and I was immediately confused. The studio she had told me was being made was non-existent. It still looked like the same old barn we saw when first moving in. She climbed the ladder to the loft and as she walked slowly towards the back of the barn, the darkness surrounding this scene started to creep into my view. Jess raised her head to look at something perched on one of the beams. It was a barn owl, its heart shaped face beaming down at her.

"It's done Liam. I have to admit that I still didn't believe that you were really in there. But I did as you told me and asked the questions. You answered perfectly and made it easy to free you to be what you wanted. You have made me so happy since the day we met. I'm eternally grateful you opened up to me and now I feel as though I have returned your generosity."

The darkness had closed in even further to the point I could only just make out Jess and the owl looking at each other.

"I love you Liam," she said, reaching up to touch the owl.

The owl stared stoically at her as the darkness finally closed in on me.