The Targeted

"Get the fuck off of me, I shouldn't be here it was a car accident. I wasn't trying to kill myself". It took four hospital security guards to hold me down, after i realized my hospital visit was leading to the psyche ward. This was one of the rare times I didn't want to die, and I was being punished for it. While I was being pumped full of tranquillizers I was headed to the looney bin for the 3rd time this year. Normally I'm the first person to tell you I'm crazy, but not of my own doing as of late.

Let me go back to the beginning. Ill spare you my life story and keep it simple. I was a loner most my life, knew I wasn't like everyone else. But in my loneliness and depression I decided its best to just fit in with everyone else. I had a great job, and had just started a beautiful family. On the surface I was living the dream, a dream id give anything to get back to. No I wasn't satisfied with my career, and my marriage was a sham, but I had 'the look". My wife had a laundry list of issues and after the affairs, the alcoholism and emotional abuse is where I gave up.

I became a weekend dad and moved back in with my mother. At first I was optimistic to be a bachelor, now I could save my money and buy my dream home. My mother would give anyone the shirt off her back, but I had to listen about how ungrateful everyone was after she did. It wasn't the ideal living situation, but perfect for my mother who needed assistance in her old age.

It was an old apartment complex with a couple hundred apartments. It was hard to believe because I swear I only saw the same 10 people at any given time. And out of these 10 people 6 were building employees but all 10 strange to say the least. Coming from me a self professed awkward mess that means a lot. Still I said my routine greetings on every awkward elevator ride down.

"Why is that man just standing, looking in our window". My mother drew my attention to the patio window she was staring out. The man she thought was staring at us was just standing by a hydrant he leaned on while smoking a cigarette. "you say this everyday its just where he smokes, but how about we close the blinds"? "I'm not closing my blinds for him". My brain hurt from the logic because she seemed so distressed by him looking in, but wasn't going to do anything to stop him from being able to. "So you just want to complain?" After I didn't get a response I just went to my room and shut the door like I did in my teenage years. Knowing that I was about to perform shameful actions.

I was a couple months into a meth binge and going strong. It gave me confidence I used to get my new girlfriend, the energy I needed for all the overtime at work and most importantly, it ended (or masked) the depression from the heartbreak of divorce. My mind was strong so i wasn't worried about the mental impact it could have, it was my medicine.

I got a strange text from my brother in law, who until recently after the divorce decided I was his bestfriend and brother. I welcomed the friendship especially because he was a fellow druggie. He sounded distraught and I tried calling to no answer. I texted "Yo bro let me know your ok, and sorry I haven't been hanging as much lately but you know I'm sober now". The lie I told everyone after the two of us got high and he almost OD'd and told everyone I was with him.

"Mr. Freeman can you come with us?" My supervisor and to security guards escorted me to hr. offices without giving me details why. "Hello we need you to give us a urine sample and open your belongings for a police search". I probably turned ghost white, I knew I couldn't pass a piss test and thank God I had already used my work ration of meth. "What is this about? I didn't get hurt or have a accident". Supposedly they got anonymous tip that I was a dealer and user, I knew it was just my bitch ex wife. No you cant check me or my things this is harassment. "Well then this is an automatic unpaid week off at which time you have to give a sample to return to work."

With a bullet dodged I knew I could stay clean a week. Out of nowhere my brother in law just knocks on my mothers door. Derrick what are you doing here you ok? "No man I'm tired of life its so shitty" and then strangely in a blink of an eye his emotions switched and he said "come on lets get high you got any?" while grinning. I explained what happened at work and told him I needed to stop now, but he insisted that this day wouldn't show on a test. He pleaded that he is going to kill himself if I turn him down. My co-dependent nature and the emotional black mail was enough to make me chance it.

As we both lived with people not ok with meth. we drove around the city for hours. finally when the drugs and high was gone. We decided to face the music. As I headed to his parents to drop him off he said wait where you going? I live with Jess now". What the fuck I thought, he expects me to drop him off high at my ex's house so she can have first hand proof, I'm using and with her mentally unstable little brother. "This feels like a set-up". In the most sarcastic voice I ever heard him use he said "why would I do that, it must be the drugs your paranoid". "I'm not fucking paranoid and I'm not taking you there".

Then Derrick let out a horrifying cry, "shadow people are trying to kill me, do you see them"? I looked everywhere but saw nothing as he kept yelling in fear. "Ill kill myself if you leave me out here alone take me to Jess" he said with what looked like a faint grin. I was hoping she would be sleep because our pupils took over our eyes making all to clear what we did. As I pulled up onto her street he dialed her number. "Forreal, just go in and lay down stay out the way". "I don't have a key plus I already told her I was with you all night and you'd take me home". At this I thought I should have let him risk suicide, because its no way she lets this go. Before I could start my car again Jess runs out phone on record. "I knew it, now I have proof on video look at your eyes.

It wasn't 2 days before I received the call I was terminated at work. Plus with the threat of me losing my son because I'm a "crackhead", I went into my deepest depression. I knew it wasn't long before social services tested me and checked my home, so I thought it a good idea to have one last night of drugs. Strange feeling of paranoia set in as I felt I was being watched. Soon as I opened my door so did the across the hall neighbor. I acted as if I forgot something and went back inside, but not before I seen what looked like confusion on his face as to where to go. I knew his car and waited to see him get in and drive away from my window. He didn't and matter of fact I didn't hear him lock his door.

What the fuck is going on? Is he really waiting for me in the hallway? I must have threw him off by turning around and not coming back out. Maybe my mom was right, maybe the guy was watching us. "Mom I think you were right, I think I'm being watched!" She looked rather unamused as she said "boy what are you talking about". The guy who always smokes and looks up at our patio"? "Idk what your talking about, don't nobody look in here" My head was spinning from disbelieve and confusion. "Are you fucking with me or you seriously don't remember complaining everyday about him?" I don't know what the hell your talking about but Jess told me your using drugs pls get out my room, your high and crazy". I almost puked I couldn't make sense of what was happening. I went to my room and blackout from the madness in my head.