The Mystery of the Time-Traveling Stock Market Genius

Ladies and gentlemen, gather around because today we’re diving into a mystery so bizarre, so mind-bending, that even your most skeptical uncle who ‘does his own research’ will have a hard time explaining it away.

It’s March 2003. The FBI, those guys who normally have better things to do, arrest a man named Andrew Carlssin. Now, Andrew isn’t your typical criminal. No bank robberies, no heists, no shady underground dealings. No, my friends, his crime? Being *too* good at the stock market.

This guy turned $800 into $350 million in just two weeks. TWO. WEEKS. I mean, forget crypto, forget insider tips—this guy basically *broke* capitalism. Naturally, the authorities were like, “Ain’t no way, buddy,” and decided to investigate.

And that’s when Andrew drops the mother of all plot twists. He tells them, with a straight face, “Oh, I’m not cheating. I’m a time traveler. From 250 years in the future. I just know what’s gonna happen.”

You can almost hear the FBI agents pause, blink twice, and check if they’re being punk’d. But no, Andrew is dead serious. He insists he knew exactly which stocks would skyrocket, so he just made a few ‘smart’ investments. As one does when they have a literal time machine.

The FBI, being the buzzkills they are, decide they’re not buying it. They dig into his background, check every database, every record, every “Where’s Waldo?” book in existence… and guess what? Before December 2002, Andrew Carlssin *does not exist*.

Oh, but wait—it gets weirder. Andrew is scheduled for a court hearing on April 3rd. And then—POOF—he vanishes. Completely. No trace. Gone like your New Year's resolutions by February.

So what do we do with this information? Is time travel real? Is Andrew Carlssin out there somewhere, sipping futuristic cocktails in 2273? Or was this just the most legendary pump-and-dump scheme in human history?

Well, my friends, let’s talk science. Because Hollywood has been preparing us for this moment for *decades*.

### A Crash Course in Sci-Fi Time Travel

We’ve all seen it in the movies. Time travel comes in all shapes and sizes, and Hollywood has been dishing out different flavors of it like a sci-fi buffet.

1. **One-Way Ticket to the Future:** No refunds, no return policy. This is the *Interstellar* style—where you leave, time moves differently for you, and when you come back, everyone else has aged like a fine wine while you’re still chilling in 2025.

2. **The Instant Teleport:** Think *Back to the Future*. Step into your DeLorean (or whatever sketchy sci-fi contraption you have lying around), hit 88 mph, and BOOM—you’re in medieval England getting accused of witchcraft.

3. **Standing Still While Time Moves:** *Harry Potter* fans, you know this one. Hermione and her Time-Turner, hopping back a few hours like it’s no big deal. If only we could do this to skip Monday mornings.

4. **The Slow Crawl Backwards:** The *Primer* method, where every minute in a box sends you a minute back in time. So, if you wanna undo a bad Tinder date from last night, you better be willing to sit in that thing for *hours*.

5. **Speed of Light Travel:** Ah yes, the Superman method. Fly fast enough, reverse time. Simple, right? (Spoiler: It’s not.)

But here’s the kicker—some of these aren’t actually nonsense. Einstein, that genius who basically rebranded physics, actually *proved* that time can be bent.

### The Science: Einstein Was That Guy

Before Einstein, everyone thought time was just… there. Like gravity or the feeling of regret after sending a risky text. Newton, the apple guy, figured time was the same for everyone, everywhere.

Then Einstein rolls up and says, “Nah, bro. Time is like a river. It can slow down, speed up, even get all wibbly-wobbly depending on speed and gravity.”

Turns out, if you move *really* fast—like, almost at the speed of light—time *actually* slows down for you compared to everyone else. Scientists even tested this by putting atomic clocks on airplanes and flying them around the Earth. When they landed, the clocks were slightly *behind* the ones on the ground. That’s *real*, people.

And if you wanna take it up a notch, gravity does the same thing. The stronger the gravitational pull, the slower time moves. Meaning if you hung out near a black hole, time for you would crawl while the rest of the universe zips by. Just like in *Interstellar*.

So yeah, time travel into the future? *Totally possible*. The only issue is, you need to either move at light speed or camp out near a black hole, neither of which are exactly part of our weekend plans.

### But What About Traveling to the Past?

Oh, now we’re getting to the real juicy stuff. Because moving forward in time? Science has that covered. Moving *backward*? That’s where things get messy.

Wormholes, paradoxes, alternate realities—it’s like a physics soap opera. And don’t even get me started on the Grandfather Paradox. You know, the one where you travel back in time, accidentally mess something up (like preventing your own birth), and then… what? You cease to exist? But if you never existed, how did you go back in time in the first place? Yeah, good luck sleeping after thinking about *that* one.

### So… Was Andrew Carlssin a Time Traveler?

Look, either Andrew was a genius conman who pulled off the greatest financial stunt of all time, or he really was a time-hopping stock wizard from the 23rd century.

Did he return to the future? Did he just disappear to avoid jail time? Did he realize that he messed up by making *too much* money and had to undo it?

The world may never know.

But if I ever meet a guy who just *happens* to know next week’s lottery numbers, you best believe I’m taking notes.

Stay curious, folks. And if you ever time travel, try not to get arrested.