The Man in the Hat

It's hard to remember the day that I ruined my life. I expected to go to prison for shooting my boss with a shotgun after catching him with my girlfriend, but instead, I became a servant for a God.

One that won't let me die. 

And god, it's fucking horrible. 

But what can I do? You reap what you sow, like the old saying goes. 

At least things have gotten slightly better for me. It took years for me to get used to my new life, thirty years to be exact, and now here I am, stuck at the age of thirty-two forever, with a new girlfriend and men immortal like me. My girlfriend's name is Amy, and she was the best friend of the God I work for. Once we locked eyes with each other, I was gone. 

I couldn't get over how nonchalant she was over what I did in my past, but she told me once you witness people get skinned in four different ways, you don't freak out over anything anymore. Whatever that means, but I honestly don't want to find out. Amy was a blonde woman, who was not immortal like me. She was in her early thirties, and she looked smoking hot, and she was like a breathe of fresh air. 

She wasn't like my ex, and after speaking with Amy about what I went through, she rolled her eyes and told me I was with a red flag from the start. I didn't notice the signs until it was too late, I guess. 

I was walking back home from another assignment, and Amy spotted me returning to the mansion with Gale in tow. He was smoking another cigarette, specks of blood all over his suit. Our target almost got away, but Gale lost his patience and shot the guy instead. Our goal was to not aim for the head, but that didn't go well. Gale was holding a Tupperware of the leftover brain, something that I never thought I would ever be asked to do. 

Gale and I both were gagging as we stuffed bits of his brain into the container, and we both threw up all over the dead man's face once we were finished. We had to dispose of the body after that, because we couldn't leave our DNA at the scene. The smell was awful, but what choice did we have?

Amy was about to kiss me, but she crinkled her nose, stepping back a bit when she smelled the vomit on my breathe. 

"What happened back there?"

Gale shrugged. 

"I'm holding a container of leftover brains, so I don't think it went well. Do you?"

Gale directed that question at me in a mocking voice, but I ignored him. Never thought I would learn to ignore his sarcasm, but thirty years of immortality probably helped. 

Amy kissed me on the nose. "Oh, you poor baby. Why the hell did Eros tell you to collect brains? Is he going insane?"

Amy rolled her eyes, linking her arm with mine, walking with me the rest of the way back to the mansion. She was the only one who used our bosses name, or would dare to say it out loud. "I don't suppose you guys are hungry, then?"

"Does it look like it?," Gale mumbled. 

"Sorry, babe. I think I'll eat later. Or skip dinner."

Amy kissed me on the cheek. "Alright. If you do get hungry let me know, I'll wait for you. Or I'll bake you some chocolate chip cookies."

"That would be wonderful. Thanks, babe."

Amy smiled, leaning her head on my shoulder, as we made our way to the entrance of our place. Our boss was sitting outside, speaking with a man in a hat and blue suit. He had a bandanna wrapped around his mouth, as both men were sitting at a small table, drinking tea. The man in the hat's drink remained untouched.

I had seen the man in the hat before, but he left me with an eerie feeling. I couldn't explain it, but he was another God, just like our boss. But he felt worse, like there was something really wrong with him. Eros turned around, a teasing smile on his face. 

"Hello boys. How was the assignment."

"Fucking awful. I had to shoot the asshole in the head," Gale said with a sarcastic edge to his voice. 

Eros raised an eyebrow. 

"How is that funny, Gale? I told you to bring me the full brain -''

"It's alright. I can make do with pieces of him. I'll know once I smell what's left of him," the man in the hat replied softly. 

I pretended I didn't hear what the fuck he just said, as Gale placed the container in front of the man in the hat. He pulled his bandanna down, to expose his nose. He opened the container, and sniffed at the brain. His eyes lit up. 

"This is him. I remember how he smelled. He was so terrified of me."

The man in the hat pulled the rest of the bandanna down, exposing his mouth. I gasped when I noticed the large teeth hanging from his lips. They were so large, he couldn't hide the teeth with his mouth. No wonder he wore the bandanna 24/7. He opened his mouth wide, and flicked out his tongue to scoop up some brains, and it slid into his mouth. 

"Oh fuck no -''

Gale coughed, the cigarette falling from his lips. He ran over to some bushes filled with red roses, and vomited. I tried my best to keep my composure as Amy tightened her hold on my arm. She glared at Eros. 

"What the fuck? Who is he? I thought you didn't want anything to do with more of your kind."

Eros waved a nonchalant hand. "Sometimes I have no choice. And he would be a wonderful ally for us. And he won't eat our brains, so that's a bonus."

The man in the hat smiled, and I turned away when I saw the blood on his teeth. Amy wrapped her arms around me, and she spat at Ero's shoes. She was the only one that wouldn't get slapped for doing something like that to a God. 

"You promised. You fucking promised you would keep us safe. That you would never seek anyone else's help for what's to come. You asshole."

Eros grinned, shrugging. Amy let out several curses, calling him all kinds of names, as she led me away. Gale followed after us, wiping at his mouth. 

"Oh fuck. I was not expecting that. What the fuck is wrong with him? Why would he want to work with someone like him?"

"Hell if I know," Amy replied. 

"I need another cigarette. Any taste is better than vomit. I'm so done with this job. How I wish I could die," Gale muttered. 

He walked away, lighting another cigarette. Amy hugged me, and I relaxed once I felt her chest touch against me. She was wearing a dress that was showing a lot of skin, so that helped me somewhat. 

"Everything will be okay, Waylon. I'll make sure of it."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that nothing would ever be alright again. 

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Thank you for reading!

Emy Quinn