The Flame and Ghost

I'm running… no, he is running. He feels feverish, and his eyes are burning. Oh god, I feel flames on my skin.

This is just a dream…

Wake up.

WAKE. UP.

I splash cold water on my face and lookup. The sun is shining through the small window to my right. A beam of light cuts across my face, creating the illusion of water in my eyes. That nightmare was something else. This time I truly felt like it was real, and now I need to clear it from my head. I tie my shoes and pull my sweater on. I check the time before I head out, and the clock reads, 5:45 a.m. Our neighborhood is pretty quiet this time in the morning, and the stillness around grounds me. The cold wind washes the feeling of fire from my skin, and I can breathe. I start to run. I pass by manicured shrubs, and the Christmas decorations left up long after the holidays.

It is mid-February now, but this winter has been warmer. Is it an omen? Stop. I cannot keep doing this—these haunting thoughts… these nightmares. I run faster, turning onto the trails near my house and into the woods. The song in my ear changes and I turn the volume up. I keep my feet in sync with the beat and fall easily into each step. The world slips away and with it my fear. I'm free in these woods. I feel my shoes squish against pine needles, my ponytail is whipping back and forth, and the cool air brushes against my wrists where my sleeves rolled up. I make a right turn where the trail forks and make my climb to the top of Jarrod's peak. There is that crooked tree that bears apples during late summer.

We used to walk this trail, carrying our baskets to harvest them. The apples were always so red and sweet; perfect for tarts and things. Things change though, just as the seasons do. My thoughts are racing and soon I lose my footing. I fall forward, barely catching myself. I closed my eyes, but briefly, just briefly, I saw a shadowed figure. I responsively turn around and make a point of it to look in each direction. Was that in my head? I shiver from the adrenaline coursing through me and take a shaky breath. My peace is overvalued at this point and I crave the stillness I felt only moments ago. The dampness from the ground seeps into my leggings and I decide that Jarrod’s peak can wait. At this point, all one needs is a hot shower and a warm cup of honeyberry tea.

It’s 5:45 p.m. and I need to eat. Marco, my coworker, is chattering away about a patient and I tune out. My mind wanders to the forest, and the fall from this morning, seemingly trying to pick apart each second. Could it be the same man from my dreams? Am I hallucinating now? If so, great, add that to the list of stresses. Marco pulls me from my thoughts and I let go of the breath I did not realize was being held onto so tightly. “I swear to you Galen, he had words scratched onto every part of his body. It freaked me out and I could not get out of there soon enough.” I watched as Marco effortlessly slid a needle into the arm of the woman he was treating. I gave him a stern look, and he replied with an exasperated response. “What? She’s asleep. Plus, it’s not like they don’t eavesdrop every chance they get. What else is there for them to do here.” My head shakes, but I choose not to argue. He continues. “Anyway, they wheeled him up to the psyche ward, and let’s hope they keep him.” Marco finishes and places a bandaid ever so gently onto the woman’s skin. I look at her sleeping face and wonder what her life was like. Could we be similar? Waiting for the chance to feel the sun and not be afraid of the consequences later? Marco and I leave the room, and I find my way to the desk. 6:12, it’s finally time to go home. I say my farewells to Marco and the crew behind the desk, then go into the night. It snowed.

The fire across from me is crackling is the only sound in the house now. Ever since he left, every room feels too big. My heart aches with uncertainty and my hand instinctively wipes away a tear. I get up and walk past the pictures of hidden figures. My feet touch the cold tiles as I make my way to the sink. Soon the sound of running water fills the room and I stare out the window. The distorted image of myself stares back and I turn away. “What happened to forever and after all?” I whisper to the silence. Without looking, I turn the lights off and head upstairs. The only escape at this point is sleep, but, then again... What if I dream of him and those flames? Just as the night before, I find myself sitting at the edge of the bed. A prescribed bottle sits to my left and I reach out for it. Two weeks ago I caved and went to see the Hospital’s psychiatrist. She said all I needed was two pills to sleep. I took three. My head falls heavy onto the satin pillowcase and my gaze catches the clock, 8:47 p.m. I turn away and pull the covers over. Please, don’t dream.

He brought the demons and the dark. They followed him through the woods into the street lights. To her door. It’s always her door. In the background, the howling and screaming drown out any rational thought. He knew he couldn’t stay, so he let the demons and the dark drag him back into the woods. There, the ghosts and hell swallowed his mind.

Once, there was good he thought, but that was burned away. Just like hell, all he saw was the world burning. Her blue eyes showed through the red and orange flames. He giggled. The sound similar to a laughing hyena breaks the silence of the world around him. He howls at the shadows in the night. Whoever he once was, was taken.

Now he chases his nightmares until dawn’s rays break through the leaves above. Nothing in the world around him can break this fantasy–his sadistic version of reality. He keeps running. Her blue eyes, sparkling like water would see him. She saw him. Just a ragged boy, dressed in black. He looks at her with his haunting dark eyes and laughs. A fevered look spread across his face as he remembered her there in the hospital. She didn’t see him them, or the marks on his body, but she does now. The light beams down and a cold wind passes between them, but he only feels the fever. She screams.

Panic. I felt panic as I opened my door and saw him standing there on the lawn. This cannot be real.

I’m dreaming again.

Wake up. Please, wake up. My heart skips and my once steady breathing stops. He’s running. I scream. I feel my body turning, trying to get away. But I fall.

Once, there was good, he thought. That was all burned away as he pulled her ponytail tight. Each strand feels like silk between his fingers. His strength overcomes her and he drags her inside. The demons howling into his ears drowned out her breathy screams. He giggles again.

She pleads and cries for help, all while trying to grab onto anything. Her flailing body knocks over the pictures that were hidden in the dark last night. A snapshot in time of a happy couple, broken and dissipated, fell to the floor. She screams again.

The crackling of the flames fills his ears, drowning out all she says. He walks through streaks of light that shine through, but nothing can reach the shadows found within. He lets go of her hair and stares into the pools of her eyes. He feels the fever on his skin and the inside, he was just burning.

She saw him there, above her. There were scratches all over his body. Dried blood caked in his nails and she tried to run again. Her feet brought her towards the tiled kitchen, but soon he appeared again. He dragged her upstairs and threw her onto the bed. She fought as much as she could. This is the end. That ominous thought, will it truly be the end. In the next moment, she saw nothing. He hit her and her nightmares took over, dragging her down into his dying shadows.

A daze came about her and she felt his hands on her. He only felt the fire. The night was coming fast and the evil was coming out to play. He dragged her to the mirror so she could see her demise. Her blue eyes were still shining and he could not stand it anymore. With hell whispering in his ears, he doused the girl in gasoline and struck his match. He spoke and she winced at the noise. A crackling. sound like flames filled the air.

“They told me… told me… my heart and eyes are the flames… and your body will burn like my unforgettable dream.” And just like that, she was engulfed, and he finally heard her screams. They were brilliant. His dark haunting eyes found her blue eyes. They glistened with the bright terror and he couldn’t help but smile…

He left her there and crawled back into the woods, where his demons welcomed him.