Stuck in the Cycle

I stare in horror, as that black book once again lays on my desk. My body can’t stop shaking. I am icy cold, yet sweat still flows from every pore. The tingling in my hand and the pain in my back tells me something is so, so wrong. Why me? What did I do wrong? Why should I have to suffer?

One sip of coffee, and I’m suddenly alive. Dawn is beginning to break, and I gaze out the foggy window to witness the magnificent reds and oranges on the horizon. A wretched noise breaks the silence. I hurry to disable the wailing siren emanating from my phone, informing me that it is time for my morning jog.

Just as I am beginning to step onto the sidewalk, I am taken aback by the horns and sirens of a speeding ambulance, followed by the flashing lights of police. I watch as my neighbor is dragged out of his home on a stretcher and given a several thousand dollar taxi ride to the nearest hospital. I grimace thinking about how much it’s going to cost him, but hey, it’s not really my problem.

I have been jogging for around ten minutes, but I still have yet to escape the boring scenery of my local community. Everything here is just so depressing. Every single house looks the same, save for the numbers next to the doors. And to think I sacrificed so much just to get my family moved here. I’m tired of being told by billionaires on T.V. that money isn’t everything. Maybe not to them, because they already have everything. If I could just get my hands on even a fraction of what they have, all of my problems would be instantly solved.

I finally reach a small bridge in a wooded area at the edge of my suburb. It’s the only place that feels unique, and the only place where I can distract myself from the real world. I’d say the discovery of these woods is the only benefit of my morning jog, something my doctor forced me into doing. As I gaze at the surrounding nature, something catches my eye in the bushes.

A dark blue duffel bag lays in the ditch, obscured by the foliage. The colors are fading, and it is covered with dirt and stains. It must have been here for years. My curiosity gets the better of me, and I move in to take a closer look.

I wonder what’s inside. Luckily the zipper is still intact, although the dirt stuck in the track isn’t making this easy. I finally force it open. My body shivers, and my breathing gets heavier. A tingle runs down my spine as my head becomes dizzy. I cannot believe my eyes.

Inside the bag there are mountains and mountains of neatly stacked, neatly packed bills. One dollar bills, strangely. I quickly snatch the bag and take off in the direction of home. Is this a bad idea? What if this belongs to a gang, and they’re going to kill me for stealing it? That can’t be, it’s been there for ages. If it did belong to a criminal, then they mustn't be around anymore to take it back.

I bolt through the front door and head for my room, but my wife comes out of the kitchen and cuts me off.

“What’s going on? Why are you acting so crazy?” She asks.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it”, I say as I try to move past, yet she still blocks my way.

“Wait, aren’t you going to even ask about Tod? I’m sure you saw the ambulance on your run.” She is beginning to look upset.

“He’s dead you know, his wife is in the kitchen right now holding back tears. He had an aneurysm.”

“I fail to see how that’s my problem.” I brush my wife aside and make my way upstairs to my room.

“I can’t believe you.”

She acts like I did something wrong. They’re her friends, not mine. I barely even knew the guy. It’s not like I have the time or money to worry about every little thing that happens around me. It’d be better to spend time figuring out what to do with this money I just got, and find out just how much there is. I can’t hold back my excitement.

I empty the contents of the bag onto my crappy plastic desk. A loud thud shocks me. It appears that there was also a small black book inside of the bag, but it’s not like that interests me right now. I lay all the bills out and begin counting.

Twenty-thousand dollars. And all of it is now mine. Finally, something good came from my morning jog. I’m finally being rewarded for all the crap I’ve been through. I can get those debt collectors off my back now and start actually living. First thing tomorrow morning, I’m gonna head straight down to their office. I can’t have my wife discover this before then though, so I’ll hide it under the bed. I pack all the money back up and slide it under the bed.

I practically skip back down the steps and jump on the couch. And would you look at that, I’m just in time for my favorite T.V. program. God, is that noise coming from the kitchen annoying though, it’s completely killing my mood. I turn up the volume on the T.V. to drown it out.

Around ten minutes later, the neighbor woman leaves, along with my wife. She gives me a dirty look on her way out. I guess she must still be mad at me for something. Oh well, it’s not my problem.

It has been a couple hours, but she’s finally come back home. It seems she still won’t speak a word to me. But now, she’s standing between me and the T.V. with the kids, and she finally opens her mouth.

“We’re going to the grocery store.”

“Did you really have to stand in front of the T.V. to say that? I don’t care, do whatever you want, just don’t bother me.”

She then leaves without another word.

Night falls, and they still have not returned.

Just before going to bed, something catches my eye on my desk. I notice the black book, and recall it falling out of the duffle bag earlier. It piques my interest, so I decide to go take a look. This is very strange, something feels wrong. There’s just a bunch of names and dates, and next to them is a cause of death. This must’ve been some sort of trap, but the bag has been sitting there for so long that I doubt the perpetrator’s still around. I close the book, but I decide that I’ll look up some of the names in the morning.

I’m getting ready for bed now, but I’m actually starting to worry that my wife has left me. She couldn’t have possibly just left and dumped all of her debt on me right? She is most of the problem, with her frivolous spending habits with her credit cards. I should’ve never gotten involved with her.

Morning comes, still no sign of them. I go downstairs and I notice a note laying on the table.

“I’m leaving with the kids. I haven’t loved you for a while now, and I’ve come to realize what a horrible person you are. I’m taking all my debt with me too, just so I never have to see your face again. Don’t try to look me up.”

A big smile cracks open as I read each line. I can no longer contain my excitement, and I scream out in joy. Finally she took a hint! I’m free! Everything is solved! And now I have an extra twenty-thousand dollars on top of that. Oh what to do, what to buy. Now that most of my money issues walked out the door, I can afford to pay the other bills just from work, and still live comfortably. Oh shoot, I’m running late for work, time to go.

After work, I remember that I forgot to look up the names in the book. I sit down at the computer, and start researching obituaries. It appears that the names and the deaths match. I nervously flip to the last page with writing on it, and notice my neighbor Tod’s name scribbled in.

This is too weird, there’s something wrong with this book. Maybe it’s cursed? Maybe this is a prank?

Right before my eyes, something insane is happening. A new name is being written in. There’s no pen, no hand to write, yet I’m seeing ink splash onto the page. I recognize the name, he lives in my neighborhood. The time is set for ten minutes from now. Cause of death: Cardiac arrest, given wrong prescription.

I run over to my window and look out, just as an ambulance speeds by. This can’t be real, there’s no way this is happening. I have to get rid of that book. With the book in my hand, I grab a lighter and make a break for the kitchen sink. I watch as the pages turn to ash, and the book disappears.

Two weeks have now gone by, and I still haven’t decided what to use the money on. That’s when my phone rings. I answer, and surprise surprise, my ex is on the other end. And wouldn’t you know it, she’s asking for money.

It appears that her family has had some sort of emergency, and they need twenty-thousand dollars to fix it. Her brother took out a shady loan he couldn’t pay back, and now they’re out for his life. Serves him right though, I can see that bad money habits must run in their family. I decide that there is no way I’m giving them a single penny.

Days later, word reaches me that her brother was murdered. These past couple days, I’ve been feeling really anxious. I doubt it’s related to this though. I shouldn’t be feeling any guilt, at least.

After I get back from work, I head up to my room to take a nap. I’m feeling extremely drained, almost like my health has been deteriorating. I lay down on the bed, without so much as blink, and suddenly hours have passed. 10 minutes to midnight, and I am still dazed. I feel like I was talking to someone, but I don’t remember. I abruptly sit up from my bed, when that malicious, evil object catches my eye.

I stare in horror, as that black book once again lays on my desk. My body can’t stop shaking. I am completely void of heat, yet sweat still flows from every pore. The tingling in my hand and the pain in my back tells me something is so, so wrong.

I slowly stumble over towards my desk. The whole world is spinning around me as I struggle to stay on my feet. I shakily open the book and flip to the last page. Why me? What did I do wrong? Why should I have to suffer?

Wait, I still have 10 minutes! I go to grab the money to return it, but It’s already gone. That’s when a voice pops in my head.

“You have failed the test. Your greed overcame your fear, and you made the wrong choice. Twice in this life, in fact.”

In this life?

Memories are beginning to come back. This is not my first time here. I turn around, and face the reaper standing behind me.

“How many times have I taken this test?”

“342 times have you been reborn in this purgatory, and you will keep at it until you make the right choice. And only then will you be permitted into the afterlife.”

“How many others have passed on a retry?”

“You could be the first.”