Regnum

May Li

“When are you going to get married?” My mother asks for what feels like the thousandth time.

I let out an audible sigh of frustration as my patience wears thinner than I thought possible.

“Mom, I’m just not ready. I haven’t found anyone interesting.”

“See what happens when you lazy.”

“Mom, just give it a rest! I just got back from work, I have other things to do.”

“Oh, like what? Sleeping? You certainly not see your family enough!”

“Look, I need to wrap up some stuff for work. I’ll talk to you later!”

“Work? You care about work now, suddenly? Your uncle Jinglong gives you work, takes care of you. You should attend his family gatherings and thank him more!”

“Whatever, mom. I have to go now.”

“Ay, don’t forget to eat dinner!”

I hang up the phone, walk into my bedroom and crash onto the mattress. Barely a minute passes before my phone vibrates again. I look at it to see my uncle’s name lighting up the screen. I let out a low groan.

Jinglong Li

She has to listen to me this time, it’s for her own good. I swipe my iPhone and dial May’s number. No response on the first try. I ring again. She picks up this time on the third ring.

“May, I haven’t seen you since last week! What have you been up to?”

“Oh you know the usual. Working and stuff.” She’s hiding something; I can sense it in her tone. I should placate her.

“Good, good. Listen, we’re having dinner tomorrow with some family friends, you must join us.”

“I don’t know…” She thinks she’s in control again.

“I won’t take no for an answer. Why don’t you take tomorrow off to get ready? I will send you the money for a new dress and shoes.” She loves shopping and hates work, she will take the bait.

“But I…”

“No buts. See you tomorrow at 7 pm. Don’t be late and look sharp.”

May Li

“Ugh! I hate my job. I wish I didn’t have to work at my uncle’s stupid company,” I almost yell to Amber and Tanya over the din of lunch-time conversation at the Regnum cafeteria. The pane glass windows do nothing to dispel the sense of claustrophobia that continuously haunts the facility.

“What would you rather do instead?” Amber asks me. She is the new girl at work, just moved into town, and in her early twenties. A shy, but bright eyed girl and she is eager to please. She always seems to be working, keeping herself busy probably trying to prove herself. Newly wedded to her husband back in India, she certainly does talk about him a lot.

“I don’t know. I kind of regret studying sciences sometimes...I let my uncle talk me into it ‘cause it ‘has a more secure future.’ Now I’m stuck in this hellhole with nowhere else to go.”

“Well, at least we have benefits,” Tanya says grinning around a mouthful of pad thai. She is a single mother of three, emigrated from Nigeria. Only in her early thirties, but her eyes echo fatigue and her body slouches forward as she eats. She occasionally wonders if she should take up a second job.

“And, hey, it’s nice contributing to the scientific community. I mean Regnum is doing some pretty cool stuff in drug discovery and some of the work we do is pretty exciting!” Amber pitches in.

I start wondering how these two manage to invest in the daily grind so fully. They must be the ‘real, honest workers’ that my uncle is so fond of.

“It’d be even more exciting if we got paid better though. And the machines didn’t break down every few days,” Tanya adds sardonically.

“I guess. But you still haven’t told us what you’d rather do instead, May,” Amber inquires.

“Maybe I could travel for a bit? I feel so trapped here. Maybe I need a change of scenery. I have always wanted to see Japan or England. Possibly even New Zealand,” I reply dourly.

“You’re so lucky you can think about traveling. I don’t think I can travel for at least another five years,” Tanya contemplates in dismay.

“Oh, why is that?”

“Well the children are too young, and I simply can’t afford it. I can’t even afford to go back to my country to visit.”

I suppose people who have children have no lives. That’s why I have three cats instead.

“Yeah traveling the world does sound lovely. But my husband and I should probably save up some money first,” Amber chimes in.

“But you’re young; you should travel,” I say to Amber.

“I’m sure we’ll get the chance some day.”

She probably won’t get around to it. She barely spent any money on her honeymoon.

“Actually, we did travel around India a bit when we first got married…” Amber continues. But I quickly lose interest in the conversation. My mind eventually wanders to this guy I recently met through a dating app. Naturally, my uncle and my family don’t know about him. We have been on a few dates and I thought we had a connection. But he seems to be ghosting me lately. Or maybe he’s just busy. I just can’t seem to get this romance thing right. I’ve been trying online dating for a while, but all the men are uninteresting and I can’t bring myself to tell any of them about my crazy family.

***

I didn’t take the entire day off after all as my uncle suggested, but I did take half a day off to go shopping. I don’t think people will miss me. I message Amber.

>Time to go to another one of these dinners. ☹

>Try to have fun.

She messages back. She doesn’t get it. I have to sit through these dinners every week. Sometimes two or three times a week depending on my uncle’s whim.

>It’s going to be torture…

>Well at least it’s free food.

She’s totally missing the point. I’d rather go on food stamps than go to these elaborate dinners with my uncle. But I have to please him. And my mother will ask me afterwards how it went and make me go over every detail.

Jinglong Li

Everything must go as planned today. The Chens arrive at 6:00 pm sharp as I anticipate. I flew them in from China of course; I must let them know I have the upper hand. I open the door to find Chen Tianbao flanked by his beaming parents. I welcome them into my condo unit which, thanks to a pair of cleaners I hired the week before, was spotless tonight. After a brief, but cordial exchange of greetings, we move to the kitchen to enjoy caviar tartlets and sparkling wine.

I had met Tianbao’s father, Wei, a few years earlier on one of my many business trips to China. Back then, Wei had been the owner of a small business supplying parts to telecom equipment manufacturers. His success had been far from assured but I had an intuition that Wei would out-compete other shops doing the same thing. Indeed, Wei was now the head of a thriving company employing thousands of people across China. Much like myself, Wei had started with nothing but his entrepreneurial spirit and had built something for himself. Also like me, Wei has never forgotten his duty to his family and has provided many of his relatives with stable well-paid jobs. Although I doubt that he bestows generous benefits and bonuses like I do. Not to mention that I have personally intervened to set up some of my more wayward relatives with respectable spouses. A lot of them wouldn’t even know what to do with themselves if it weren’t for me, it’s all for their own good. I really am a saint.

In fact, I am afraid I have to intervene once more and the Chens are here tonight to further that purpose. May has been very willful lately. Dangling money in front of her usually soothes her nerves, but if she doesn’t get her life together soon, I fear that she will end up aimless and adrift. I think it is time that May learned the discipline and duty of family life. And there is no better start to a good family than a good husband.

Tianbao, or Tony as he likes to be called, is around my niece’s age. Single, 35, reasonable six figure income, handsome enough. Plays golf in his spare time, very respectable, a dutiful reader of The Economist, graduated summa cum laude from Tsinghua University. A dependable Chinese man who would not even expect his wife to work for a living. Can’t go wrong with that. I would even venture that he is too good for May. May cannot refuse the young man I have found for her this time; fellows like him only come around once in a generation. One day she will appreciate all that I have done for her. I wish I had found someone like this for my own daughter, Mimi, but her untimely passing was deeply regrettable. I often see her in May; her fiery brown eyes, her mother and her aunt’s full lips, always having something deplorable to say. They even wear their hair the same, always down, shoulder-length, with a slight curl at the ends. I used to like patting my daughter’s head when she was younger since she had always been such a good and obedient daughter.

May, on the other hand, has some work to do in the manners department and she needs to be taught about respect. She is always having temper tantrums or going on about some gossip about her friends. She is often late, lazy and has questionable choices in her fashion. I have to tell her a hundred times to cover up more and not dress like a slut. I hope this time she will dress in something decent and respectable. Well, I blame her parents for not bringing her up right. When I received her, she was already damaged goods, so there is only so much I can do; but I will not give up on her. She is family after all.

May Li

I put on a floral cocktail dress that makes me look classy but casual. For my makeup, I apply some foundation to even out my complexion and bring out its natural glow. I finish off with some sheer lip gloss that highlights the fullness of my lips. I don’t put much more effort though since it’s probably going to be the usual crowd at my uncle’s dinner tonight. That means some of my aunts, uncles, their kids and whatever hapless soul has decided to be my uncle’s entertainer of the week. Like a herd of sheep, they gather at my uncle’s dinner table to receive what he chooses to bestow on them. Gifts, jobs, trips abroad, tuition for their kids’ private schools, funds for starter homes, the list goes on. A lot of the time, he’ll arrange flights to or from China for some of our relatives. He practically treats them like cattle being transported across the globe. Recently, he’s even thought of buying everyone gym memberships so they can all go get some exercise together or something.

But I know that it’s all just a façade. Really, he just wants people to worship him for his wealth and his success. I can’t bring this up to them of course; my relatives would just accuse me of being an entitled brat who should be grateful for her uncle’s generosity. Instead, we just let the conversation revolve around my uncle and the sort of family gossip he deems worthy of sharing: who’s getting married to whom, or more importantly, the net worth and pedigree of the betrothed, how many kids does one have, which schools the kids are going to and so on. Occasionally, my uncle will bring up work but it’s usually to talk about some co-worker who probably deserves to be let go due to their “lack of work ethic”.

The worst, however, is when the conversation turns to me. There will be the usual questions about whether I have a man in my life, when I’ll get around to learning how to drive, advice on where and at what price I should buy property for investment and how I shouldn’t delay too long on having kids. Most of the time I can divert my relatives’ interest into critiquing my colleagues Amber and Tanya. Not that I care that much about their boring and tedious lives. But my relatives seem to have a lot of comments on how deep in debt Amber is, or about how Tanya should have planned out her pregnancies. They say things like, “Oh, she should have made better financial decisions about her future” or “Some cultures should learn that it’s better to have fewer but smarter kids.” On top of being obnoxious, my relatives are also casually racist.

In any case, given that my uncle sent me some money this time to upgrade my “worn down” and “inappropriate” wardrobe, maybe there are some special guests tonight that he wants to impress. At 6:55 pm, I ring the doorbell to my uncle’s three bedroom condo. I make sure to stand up straight so that my uncle doesn’t comment on my posture yet again. I also take care to show up five minutes early to avoid accusations of laziness. But I’m pretty sure he’ll find something else to criticize anyway. I spot his Tesla and Mercedes parked outside and, for a split second, I fantasize about jumping into one of them and taking off to Mexico. My uncle opens the door, beaming down on me, wearing a formal suit and tie. He seems to approve of my wardrobe choices tonight. A miasma of his Armani cologne wafts through the doorway as he gestures me in. He puts a hand on the small of my back to steer me and as a reminder to not act inappropriately.

The inside of his condo looks as new as the day he bought it. Not a speck of dust threatens the polished surfaces of the unit and air fresheners make the condo smell welcoming. There is a Roomba neatly tucked away in the corner, the appliances are sparkling clean and a decorative chandelier hangs from the ceiling scattering a kaleidoscope of glittering light around the living room. I enter the dining room, which faces his open kitchen. The solid wood Qing dining table is neatly laid out with my uncle’s bone china dinnerware. A family of three is seated around the circular dinner table.

“May, meet our guests, Chen Tianbao and his parents,” Jinglong says. “They just flew in from China.”

My eyes bulge and my mouth goes slack at the sight in front of me. My uncle presses his hand gently into my back to remind me to keep my manners. I press my lips together and try my best to maintain a polite smile. Jinglong gestures for me to pour some hot tea for our guests. I approach the table, pick up the fine teapot and start pouring tea while keeping my eyes lowered.

“Nice to meet you,” I say quietly, trying to suppress a grimace.

I know exactly what this is. This is another set up for a dinner date with some guy my uncle has picked out for me. Tianbao sits across from me with a lopsided smile. His eyes peer out from his thick glasses pushed up against a bulbous nose. I feel him sizing me up like a prize-winning pig at the market as I pour him the tea. I can’t tell if his black hair is arranged with gel or is just naturally greasy.

We quickly dig into a dinner of freshly made Sichuan pork, Chinese broccoli in oyster sauce and steaming rice. Ordinarily, I would eat these favorite dishes with gusto. But tonight, I can barely get through a few bites. Tianbao’s parents sit solemnly across the table from me. I bet they are silently judging me while they eat. Tianbao’s father is an older carbon copy of the son, down to the bulbous nose, the ugly glasses and the greasy hair. The mother is a plump creature with small beady eyes and cheeks painted with vivid red rouge that’s wildly incongruous with expensive but tacky gold jewelry.

“This is very nice place you have.” Tianbao’s mother compliments my uncle.

“Oh this is nothing. You should see my place in Vancouver.” Jinglong says.

“Where you invest in?”

“Locations where the rental market is favorable, of course. I have property in Toronto, Hong Kong and New York. Other than that, I have a small cottage in Malibu and a charming chalet in Vermont.”

“Ah, I have properties in most of those places too!” Tianbao’s father exclaims, “I want your advice on properties in Canada…”

I’m already bored of this conversation. As I play with my food, I ruefully think that Jinglong should let Tanya live in one of his properties. I’ve been to her place, it’s a cramped run-down apartment with peeling yellow plaster, creaky wooden floors and dim lights hanging from the low ceiling. It is way too small to fit her three kids, the basement floods in the spring and the house is drafty in the winter. It would be good for her if she got a new place.

“Wonderful! I would love to visit some of those places sometimes.” Jinglong goes on.

“Of course, anytime! But we’re here to talk about May and Tianbao.” Tianbao’s mother interjects.

My ears perk up at the sound of my name but I continue picking away at my pork and rice.

“So my son, ah very accomplished. Graduated top in his class at Tsinghua University. One of the youngest male to make tech start-up. How about you?” It takes me a second to realize that she directs the question at me. Here comes the brutal interview.

“I studied at, uh McGill and I’m a research scientist now.”

“Ah good, good. What you plan to do after you marry? We expect you to still be able to perform wifely duties if you choose to continue work. But of course, our son will provide for you and make sure you have everything you need.” I almost choke on my food at the question and don’t know what to say.

“Of course, she will be delighted to do both! She is very skilled at multitasking.” Jinglong chimes in.

“You plan to have children?” The mother continues. When will this nightmare end?

***

“So what are your hobbies?” Tianbao tries asking. After an hour or so of keeping a flat conversation at the dinner table and of his parents bragging about their son and questioning my ambitions and goals in life, the others left us alone so we can “talk.” I struggle to understand him through his thick accent. I tried speaking some Chinese, but that seemed to confuse him more. My brain already feels like jelly from all the questioning. Poor guy, I don’t particularly care to get to know him. I just want him out of my life.

“Look, I don’t want to do this.” Confusion clouds his face, so I explain further. “They brought you here to pair us up, but I’m not interested. It’s nothing to do with you, I just don’t want to right now.”

“Oh,” he looks down at his hands.

“You don’t want to get involved with our family. My uncle will just control everyone, including you.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Let me guess, he probably gave you some incentive to come here right? What is it?”

“Well, he flew us here and promised to invest in my start-up,” Tianbao says absently.

“See what I mean? He will always have control. Once you accept, he is going to manipulate you further. You won’t be able to say no.”

“I will try to be good to you. My parents want this for me too.” He shifts uncomfortably. I almost feel sorry for him.

Jinglong Li

“Why do you keep setting me up with these people? How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not interested!” May turns to me to protest as soon as the guests leave. I had anticipated that she would perhaps put up some resistance. Poor May, she just can’t see what’s good for her.

“I’m simply looking out for what is best for you. Look at you. You’re 34, no man, no future, you don’t even exercise to try to make yourself look good. At least you have a job thanks to me! Now you dress a little better, eat a bit nicer.”

“I have enough! I don’t want your selection of men, or your money or whatever, just leave me alone.” We always have this argument, but she will always come crawling back to me.

“See how long you can survive without me. Go on try to look for another job. You think it’s that easy?”

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

“Oh I wish I could, May. Your parents need support from me, or think of all the suffering they will have to endure. You know your mother has a bad back and your dad cannot afford a therapist on his own. They reached out to me, and I promised them to look out for you here, give you a better life. I paid for your education, gave you money to indulge yourself. Now I’m trying to make your life even better by finding you a good man. The least you can do is follow my advice.” I know it hurts her whenever I play the parents card, but she leaves me no other choice. She must know her place. I continue.

“Remember when you wanted to move out from my condo and I wanted you to stay? You know it hurt me, but I let you have your independence. You were the only family I had when I first came to Canada. But you grew up so fast. Yet, I still helped you pick out a nice apartment, didn’t I? I just want you to be nearby. You understand, May?”

Her eyes look distant for a minute as she ponders her options. I know she doesn’t have other options. She doesn’t comment, but slams the door behind her as she runs out into the cool night air.

I don’t know where she’s going but I can find out if necessary. After all, I put a tracker on her iPhone which I gave her a couple of years ago. So if she ever went somewhere questionable, I would know. I have access to her Apple account as well to help me keep tabs on her. You can never be too safe in today’s world.

I am sure May’s hesitation with Tianbao has to do with her online dating habits. I noticed that she has been seeing a guy on the regular these past few months. I was thinking about commenting, but then I thought better of it. In her current mindset, expressing my disapproval would only drive her straight into the other man’s arms. I’ll let her have her fun for now. I’ll find a way to take care of the guy when the time comes. She’ll eventually realize that none of those losers online will match up to the man I have chosen for my good little May.

May Li

>Can you believe it?? My uncle tried to set me up again!

I texted furiously to Tanya. Twenty minutes later, a response.

>Who is it this time?

>Some tech guy from China (puke)

>Aren’t you going to give the guy a chance?

>Not interested.

>Whatcha going to do then?

>Don’t know, I tried to say no, but he’s forcing me into it. And my other guy, I don’t know what to do with him, he’s not responding.

>Sorry to hear that. Find a way to get out of it then.

>Can’t. Need to keep my job.

>Lol blackmail? Have to cook dinner for kids now, ttyl!

I can tell Tanya is weary of this conversation. Her answers are terse. She might have other priorities besides me right now, but that’s okay. The conversation just gave me an idea. If my uncle is basically blackmailing me, what if I found some dirt to blackmail him?

***

Waiting for the workday to end feels like torture. I make compounds in the lab, weigh them out, analyze them, submit them and repeat. Just before heading out for the day, I go to the bathroom to take a leak. As I’m about to get up from the toilet seat, I recognize Tanya and Amber’s footsteps echoing in the bathroom. They are having a quiet conversation. Out of curiosity, I stay in the stall and engage in some harmless eavesdropping.

“Did May tell you about her latest drama?” Tanya asks.

“About forced marriage? Yea, probably every colleague knows about it by now,” Amber says sourly.

“It’s ridiculous in this day and age. You know, sometimes I want to only half-believe her, it’s like she is trying to get attention.”

“Yea, well it does still happen in India. But May’s family is something else. If you ask me, she and her uncle are both psycho,” Amber jokes.

“Tell me about it! We’re working for the top psycho in the world and friends with the psycho’s pet.” They both laugh. I can’t believe they’re actually making fun of me. Those bitches!

“I know, right? Like we have real problems, like children and mortgages. She’s always complaining about her family drama as if her loaded uncle doesn’t feed her enough. Meanwhile, we’re working our asses off and have broken equipment that apparently her rich uncle can’t afford’ to replace.”

“Also, she has like ‘compelled’ family vacation to take care of all that crap. She always gets to skip work because of it. And this time, she was going on about how she would have to take a few weeks off for the engagement,” Tanya shakes her head in disapproval.

“That’s ridiculous. I would love some more vacation time!”

“And besides why do you let her treat you like that? She’s always looking down on you. And then talking about her uncle’s riches like they’re candy.”

“I don’t know, she doesn’t exactly listen to criticism. But she always expects us to be there for her.”

“Exactly. She really is a piece of work. But I guess I feel sorry for her, she doesn’t seem to have other friends.”

They go into separate stalls and continue their conversations. I have heard enough of this betrayal. I stalk out of my stall and then out of the bathroom. These girls don’t get it. After all the investment I put in those girls, telling them my personal problems, this is how they treat me. I was even going to put in a good word for them with my uncle. They should feel lucky to have me as a friend. They don’t understand my suffering. They think they have problems; well, I'll give them problems when they are out on the streets begging for jobs.

***

I dig around about Jinglong on the internet but all the search results returned the same story of a self-made man who built a successful pharmaceutical company and is making important drugs to treat everything from cancer to liver diseases and inflammatory diseases. My phone vibrates twice, breaking my thoughts, but I pick it up.

“Hi mom, what is it?”

“Have you eaten dinner yet?” Her shrill voice pierces the quiet of my bedroom.

“Yeah mom, I did.” I answer automatically, as I scroll through the latest feed on my social media pages, already bored of the same old conversations. A silence comes from the other end of the line.

“Jinglong told me that you met new man. How is he?” I want to hang up the phone just then and there, but I just grit my teeth and continue.

“He’s fine mom, but I don’t want to marry him.”

“Aiya, why not?” Her high pitch voice comes through accusingly over the phone making me cringe.

“Ugh, he’s not even Canadian! What, you expect me to move back to China with him?”

“Don’t worry, Jinglong will get the paperwork through very fast, he’ll be Canadian when he marries you.”

“Mom, how many times do we have to go through this, I don’t want to marry!”

“Xiao Mei, time is running out,” she likes using my Chinese name when she is trying to convince me of something important. “I hear he is very good boy!”

“Mom, no! You can’t make me! This is a life changing decision here.”

“Aiya, stop being drama queen. Your uncle seems very serious about this boy, you should reconsider. Think of me, I want grandbabies.”

“Is not always about you!”

“Is not about you either! You so selfish, think of all Uncle Jinglong done for you.” I want to hang up again, but I thought of another idea.

“Mom, who do you know from uncle Jinglong’s past that I can talk to?”

“Huh? Why suddenly you ask?”

“You know, I’m just curious, mom, I haven’t really tried to connect with him before, but I want to try, so I just want to understand him better and hear his stories.” I lie smoothly.

“Ah, good girl. I have some contacts. Let me give them to you.”

Jinglong Li

Back at my condo, I check May’s phone activity on my Macbook as a habit after dinner every day. She complains to her colleagues about me and her potential marriage partner, she complains about her work and she is getting her hair done this evening. Typical May activities so far.

I scroll through her calls and notice she made an unusually large number of calls today, particularly to China. What are you up to, May? Curious, I look up each of the numbers, and for the first time in a long time, fear creeps into my body. She called up my old acquaintances, and I’m sure it wasn’t just social calls. She is barking up the same tree as my wife did back in the day. I will have to put an end to this nonsense.

As much as I don’t like to admit it, I need May as much as she needs me. I don’t want to lose her. She is my pillar in this world. After I lost my daughter, I was in a dark place for a long time, and I couldn’t stay in China any longer without going insane. I kept replaying the last argument I had with my wife.

“You are insane! You know how it will affect our family if they knew? You will go to jail or worse! Think about our daughter, what will her future be like?”

“Su, everything I have done, I have done for this family.”

“You say that Jinglong, but you did it because you are selfish! You just wanted the money. I can’t believe I’ve been so blind!”

“You think I like selling opium in the streets? Money doesn’t fall from trees! I work for ten, twelve hours a day, I work like a dog in the lab for what? You think I like it? I’m doing this for you and Mimi.”

“No, I can’t accept this. If you don’t turn yourself in, I will walk away from you. You don’t even spend time with us, what’s the damn point?”

“Su, you will regret this! If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have a roof over your head, drugs for your pain and nice clothes to wear.”

“Bullshit! You always think you’re all that. You think you’re in control of everything! But you’re not, I’ll live just fine without you!

“I’d like to see you last a day! You don’t even work, you don’t have any skills to work. The only thing you can do is be a housewife, and even then you’re mediocre at best...”

The last argument haunts me still. I look over at the family picture on the bookshelf and reminisce about Mimi. I’ve done it all, begged, borrowed and stolen. Eventually, I made enough to have my own pharmaceutical company and move out here to Canada, looking for a fresh start. I would say I have redeemed myself for making good drugs now at fair market rates. Soon enough as my company grew, I could even afford to fly my family back and forth from China.

If only you realize, May, everything I have done, I have done for you. The full moon casts a luminous glow, reflecting off the bare hardwood floor and the black screen of the wide flat screen television. The condo feels empty without you, May. I gaze up at the moon wondering if you are admiring the same moon tonight.

May Li

Calling relatives and friends of Jinglong in China results only in dead ends. So I thought I would look closer to home. During lunch, I slip out and head to my uncle’s apartment while he is out schmoozing with some American executives. I still have the keys to his condo since he never asked for them back. I sift through some documents in a filing cabinet and on his desk in his study. I also try looking for hidden compartments, but come up with nothing.

I glance at the photo of my late cousin Mimi and her mother framed on the bookshelf. I haven’t thought about them for a while. I only have brief recollections of Mimi. We were close when we were young, but drifted apart as we grew up. I regret not seeing her before she passed. I can’t imagine what she must have gone through when she committed suicide. Her mother followed her out of grief and she was mentally unstable as Jinglong had mentioned.

I realize suddenly that I had lost track of time and that it has already been more than an hour since I arrived here. I hear the sound of a key being inserted into the front door. My heart starts pounding and I look around, desperate for somewhere to hide. I’m near the kitchen, so I slip into the walk-in pantry, hoping Jinglong wouldn’t need anything from there. I hear his footsteps as he enters and wipes off his shoes. I peer through the small gap in the pantry door and watch Jinglong as he sits on the couch and switches on the TV. Just then, a knock comes at the door. A slight groan escapes Jinglong and he shuffles back towards the door.

“May I come in?” A high pitched woman’s voice comes through the door.

“If you must.”

I quietly shift inside the pantry so I can see the door. A woman dressed in a washed out hoodie and sweatpants steps through. Her hair is arranged in a low ponytail and her demeanor expresses exhaustion. It’s the same look Tanya wears all the time.

“I need a higher monthly cheque. You don’t return any of my calls.”

“What is it this time, Amy?” He sounds weary.

“I have to support Stephanie you know, you are not paying enough child support. She’s growing and…”

“I pay plenty. And as I said you cannot prove that she is my child. You just have to prioritize your expenses. I already increased your monthly rate by ten dollars last year.” I can’t believe what I am hearing. I pull out my phone and press record.

“Look, I came here because you promised us a better life. But all I see is empty promises. I don’t have a job, I’m on food stamps and my daughter is struggling in school, but I can’t help her. I would go back to China, but I don’t have a home to go back to.”

“I practically saved you from your shitty boyfriend back in the day. And I even flew you here to this country. What more do you want?”

“The boyfriend who you sold drugs to! You can’t even give me paperwork to make me legal! You could at least show some support. Even a little shred of love to Stephanie. She doesn’t have a father figure in her life.”

“That doesn’t sound like my problem.”

“Oh yeah? You chose this when you decided to sleep with me while your wife was alive. I can tell people your secrets.”

“So what? You knew I could never marry you, you chose to have the baby. You were just a random woman I met on the street. Part of the deal is that you disappear and tell no one about my past or our past. No one would believe you anyway.”

“You will regret this.” Her voice sounds strained, but she stands up straight.

“I hope you don’t end up like my wife.”

The woman walks out and slams the door behind her.

“And don’t come back dirtying my apartment again!” I hear Jinglong add.

After a few minutes to collect himself, Jinglong enters the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. Soon after, I hear the shower faucet being turned on. I take this opportunity to escape the condo, locking the door quietly behind me. I run out as fast as I can, trying to catch the woman.

“Amy! Wait up! We should talk.”

***

Later that day, I prepare myself to head to my uncle’s apartment and confront him. I pace back and forth in my bedroom, the floor creaking with each step. My heart beats like a million drums and my palms are slick with cold sweat. I look at myself in the full length mirror, taking a few selfies to distract myself. I go through my walk-in closet, absentmindedly organizing my clothes. Maybe I shouldn’t be doing this? After all, he has provided for me. What would my parents say when they find out the truth? No, I can’t have doubts right now. I have to do it. It is for my freedom.

Jinglong Li

After my morning jog and a cup of coffee, I settle down on a yoga mat for my daily meditation. I scarcely start my breathing exercises when there comes a hard knock on my door. I’m not expecting anyone, who could it be? I hope it isn’t Amy again. I let out a sigh and got up to receive my unwelcome guest. I look through the peephole and see May’s face peering back. What a pleasant surprise, I didn’t expect her to come so quickly. She must have come here to apologize for her earlier behavior.

She walks silently through the door, her body stiff. She looks simultaneously weary and defiant.

“I know about Amy,” May says quietly.

I feel my pulse quicken but keep my cool as I always have in tough situations. It is as I have feared, but I quickly decide that it’s best not to deny it.

“Oh? Did she fill your head with lies?”

“I don’t think she’s lying. In fact, I have proof.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Proof of your wife and daughter’s death. You killed them. Why?” May accuses. I smile. May has always been inquisitive.

“Ah, so you have found out the truth. You have to understand, they forced me. I had no choice. They were going to reveal everything and how I built my company.”

“You built it from the backs of other people.”

“And you happen to benefit from that. Money doesn’t fall from trees.” I’m losing her. I must explain to her why I did it.

“May my dear. I loved them, my wife and daughter. I couldn’t see them go down with me, so it was for their own good.” It is true, I loved them. My wife was good to me, also obedient. Sometimes I would have to remind her of her place, but she always came around. I gave her some good old Miltown drug to control her hysteria. “But they forced my hand. We had a bad argument, then my wife threatened to go to the police. I got desperate, I hit her on the head and she fell down the stairs. Mimi found out about her mother that day, as she overheard the argument. It was painful, but she resisted, so I made it looked like suicide from grieving her mother’s death. I do regret though, how much I miss them.”

“It’s too late now, I collected the evidence, and I will hand them over to the police as well. I have them ready to send. But if you don’t force me to marry someone and help me find another job at a different company, I will destroy the evidence.” I laugh. Poor May, she thinks she can win the game by blackmailing me. But, I already saw this coming. I can’t have May leave me. She’s completely delusional!

“You’re not afraid to end up like them?”

“If it means exposing you, no.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that. You really are like a daughter to me. I’ve looked after you since you were sixteen. I just want to see you succeed in the best way possible.”

“Then I guess I will have to turn you in.” May’s voice was wavering. Even if she had evidence, she would not have the guts to do it. But I won’t leave it up to chance.

“You see, you are forgetting something, my wife and daughter were sacrificed so I can build an empire. I have connections back in China that can easily remove your parents as well. An accidental slip in prescription pills is all it takes.” I’m sorry it has come to this May, but you leave me no choice. May falls silent.

“Why are you trying to ruin my life?” May whispers. She struggles to steady her voice, but she trembles and looks down at her feet, tears welling up in her eyes. I really don’t like making her cry, and I really do hate it when she does. I can’t deal with a hysterical woman.

“Oh, my dear May, I don’t want to ruin your life. I gave you everything. I was trying to protect you. I’m doing this out of love. You will understand eventually.”

“Love? You call this love? You have no idea what love actually is. You won’t get away with this!” May turns on her heels and the door slams behind her, leaving me once again alone in my empty apartment. I sigh, shaking my head, and I pick up the phone to dial a number.