Recollection

The wretched creature, little more than pale skin stretched over bones lay in the dirt. He dug ponderously by the dim light afforded to him by a small fire at the center of his cave dwelling. Flickering shadows danced across the back of the hunched figure as he dug , working diligently at the damp earth with his bare hands.

From all appearances, his existence seemed a miserable one, more a life suited for an animal than what was once a man. He was legless and emaciated, no spark of intelligence lit his eyes, only the interminable flatness of a creature with basic desires and basic needs. however if you were to ask him if he wished for a better life, and if he was still sane enough to answer, he might tell you that he no longer worried himself with hopes to better his situation, to have a comfortable life. No, better to get accustomed to the misery you know than to venture out under the glaring sunshine, only to discover the pain and the lies there in. This world waited eagerly to stamp out any glimmer of hope it uncovered, and the little man knew that indisputable fact better than anybody. He would stay in his cave, not daring to hope, not risking a dream.

He dug, fingers searching out sustenance with a well practiced fervor. His hands were in ruin, covered in cuts and gashes , his fingernails having been worn off long ago from digging through the hard packed earth and sharp stones. In the back of his mind he knew he should take better care of them, they were his hands after all, they were important weren’t they? “but what for?” part of his mind chimed in. “are hands really important? The only thing you need them for is digging, and they do that just fine, cuts and bruises are just pain, fingernails? What of them? you can still dig, you just need to dig" that was true he supposed, as long as he could dig what did it matter how damaged his body became? As long as he could dig for his meals his body could fall apart for all he really cared. Simpler that way. To have existence whittled down. His entire life summed up into two words; dig, eat.

His digging unearthed the translucent skin of a finger length grub, he pinched it and examined it in the fire light, it’s face was eerily human looking… its voice was as well. It whispered pleas to be let free, and spoke harsh threats when it found bargaining wasn’t an option. The man had heard the pleas and threats enough many times before to have become desensitized to the strangeness of it. His hunger didn’t allow him any emotions for the grubs plight, even though they often resembled loved ones and friends near forgotten, they were the only food to be found, and he must eat. With a weary sigh he twisted the things head and pulled it from the body, the small voice silenced. Even though he was always excruciatingly ravenous he still found eating the heads… distasteful. He chewed and swallowed the gelatinous body of the worm and cast the head into a far corner where the faces of his past meals formed a macabre heap that starred back at him, dull eyed and accusatory.

The grubs didn’t bother him any, they were fine food by his estimation, he had had far worse meals before, his own legs for instance, the meat had already spoiled by the time he ate them… What terrible hunger would drive a creature to eat a part of itself? In this place it was not as absurd a notion as a rational mind might think.. this dark world made it’s meals out of whatever was at hand, or foot. And when the choice became eat his own legs or the clawing hunger.. the man choose what seemed most rational to him at the time. And of course… there was that other meal.. his first real meal here.. he shook his head attempting to escape the memory, the loss of his legs was a fond memory compared to that.

a person shouldn’t even be able to survive such an experience as amputating both legs without proper facilities or tools. He had not only survived but carried on an unnaturally long life, feeling the pain of encroaching death but never it’s final peaceful release. This place would not let him go so easily, if he could be killed nothing thus far had done so, nonetheless the pain and the hunger still drove him on, his only desires to satiate the hunger, and shy away from the pain.

The work to find the grubs was tedious yes, but when he did find them they were justly earned. Did he enjoy this life? No not at all, but He knew that he deserved it, he had come by this destination on a path of his choosing, he was paying for his sins, numerous as they were. Peace would not find him anytime soon, if ever. He’d pay his penance in spades and over eons until whatever force held him here took pity on him, or at least grew bored of making him suffer.

He had no intention of fighting his circumstances. He knew all to well what such hubris would bring, this place taught him that you never hit rock bottom, you can always dig deeper, So why bother? Just stick to what you know, Things never get better, but never worse either, at least you hope so.

Sitting by the fire, the teeth of his gnawing hunger dulled if for a moment, the wretched little man settled against the wall of his cave and recollected on that eon long past, when he had arrived in this place, so full of hope and ignorance. He closed his eyes and could avoid the memories he dreaded, no longer.

“Ow" said the young man, wincing and plunging a finger into his ear.

“What happened sweetheart, are you alright?” said the young woman.

“Yeah.. I think something crawled into my ear.. and he’s not coming out"

“Relax, it will make its way out when it sees there’s nothing interesting in there"

“Thanks” he said sarcastically “you’re a real comedian”

She smiled impishly and stuck out her tongue.

After a moment of silence he asked

“uh..hey sweetheart, how long have we been walking down this tunnel? Too think of it WHY are we walking down this tunnel? How’d we get here?”

“im… not sure… I don’t remember… but im with you, so im sure I’ll be alright”

That made him smile, it was good be needed. He turned his smile towards his old faithful dog “how are you doing little lad?” the dog gazed lovingly up at him, tail whipping side to side. Yessir, as long as he had his gal and his dog then life was just fine in his books. Curious though, how had they come by this strange tunnel? He couldn’t remember for the life of him..

Life of him.. life of him.. what if?

All of a sudden something occurred to him. “sweetheart, do you think we might be dead?”

“What makes you say that?” she asked skeptically

“Well.. I can’t remember anything before being in this tunnel..anything… and isn’t that how people say it works? When you die you go through a tunnel towards a light or something?” he waved his hands about mystically.

“something like that.. so I guess we’re dead.. do you think this tunnel leads to heaven?.. or .”

“Well.. if this is hell let’s try to make the best of it please, I don’t want my first trip to the underworld to be ruined because you’re arguing with the staff about accommodation”

She clucked indignantly “when have I ever done anything remotely like that before?”

He couldn’t recall an actual incident but he gave her a “really” kind of look anyway

“alright.. I get alittle testy sometimes.. blame it on the alcohol, I do" she replied

They smiled at eachother and walked evermore down the tunnel, happy dog trotting beside them. After what seemed like hours, the tunnel opened up to the vastness of a desert plane, disorientating after the close confines in the tunnel.

He began having some misgivings, the tunnel had spat them out into a barren wasteland of stoney outcroppings and endless sand. This stumped him, he was happy to have the two people he cared for most here with him to confront this problem, but where were they to go? This place was empty, as far as the eye could see. Where were they going to find food? Water? Did they even need those things in the afterlife if this truly was the afterlife? A rumble in his gut answered one of those questions, the rest remained a mystery, so they picked a direction and started walking.

A few days of walking robbed them of their jovial mood. Dehydration and hunger were definitely taking their toll. He could feel his body start to weaken as he struggled to place one foot infront of the other. His dog looked up to him, open mouth panting, his tail wagged even though he appeared properly miserable.

“Good boy" he said, giving the dog a weak smile. They pressed on.

Perhaps he had hung his head for so long while walking that he did not see the canyon until he was standing at its precipice, a few steps away from going over the edge. He stopped in surprise and took in the spectacle with curiosity.

It was not exceptionally deep, wider than deep definitely, still deep enough to seriously hurt yourself if you fell in. It ran from horizon to horizon from what he could see. He peered down to the canyon floor for anything worth noting. the glint of water caught his eye.

“look sweetheart, water!” he exclaimed.

“Oh thank God, I don’t think I could’ve lasted much longer”

Carefully, they started picking their way down the steep canyon wall, having to scale down rock faces when they were unable to walk, and helping the dog where need be. They half slid half collapsed the last few steps, falling on hands and knees into thick mud. They began slurping dirty water from the small puddle. The water was filthy but they didn’t care in the slightest, the man figured it was the finest water he had ever had. The dog appeared to share that sentiment as he took great big laps of water beside him.

They drank their fill and then sprawled out in the mud, exhausted but their thirst quenched for the time being.

They lay side by side, faces pointed towards the sky. He turned his head, sighing.

“I think we should stay in this canyon sweetheart, there’s water and we might even find food here, things usually live or grow near water don’t they?”

“you’ll get no objections from me, I don’t know about finding anything living here though.. we haven’t seen anything for days”

“positive thoughts my dear, im sure we’ll find something out here, let’s rest for now though”

“Let’s” she agreed.

He settled into the mud, feeling strange smooth shapes just beneath the surface. “River stones” he reasoned, and closed his eyes overwhelmed by exhaustion. He was just on the brink of unconsciousness when he felt the shapes beneath him move, decidedly not river stones.

“Holy fuck” he exclaimed, pulling his arms out of the muck away from whatever had grazed him.

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“Im fine, something just …moved in the mud, I think it’s… alive…I told you so!”

He exclaimed grinning but manically, uneasiness in his eyes.

Concern showed in her expression. And a glance at the dog revealed him eyeing the mud with guarded attention aswell. No doubt he sensed something amiss. Whatever it was felt serpentine and glided easily through the mud just beneath the surface, seemingly searching out its surroundings, for food possibly?

Fear of the unknown spurred the man to extricate himself from the mud but to late, his movements attracted the shapes like a tightening noose, he felt slithering things weave between his legs and start to constrict around them. The things were taking ahold of him, He had to get out now. He found his legs all but useless stuck as they were in the mire, Frantically he reached for tufts of dried grass sticking out of the more solid ground, gaining enough of a grasp to pull himself free. With a heave and a reluctant sucking sound, he pulled his lower body out of the mud. He discovered with great horror that two serpentine creatures bearing a horrifying resemblance to oily black human hands were coiled about his legs, their heads sported fleshy tendrils giving the impression of fingers clawing at him, trying to drag him into the mud with them. The extent of their length remained hidden beneath the mud. They pulsed rhythmically and he realized with horror that on top of it all they were gorging themselves on his blood, all the while trying to pull him back into the mud. He felt sick, he was losing feeling in his legs and knew he had to act fast. The things were determined to drain him dry and haul him away god only knew where. Pulled into the mud, never to be seen again. He had to act, now.

“We have to get them off” she said, peering around frantically for some means of prying the massive parasites off.

The dog jumped into action, grabbing one of them with his teeth and pulling to get the thing off his master. The more the dog pulled the more intense the pain became. The man cried out.

“Stop stop stop!.. we need to find another way"

A thought occurred to him from a lifetime away. A fragment of a memory from his childhood. Fire, you had to burn off leeches, someone had taught him that. This thing was far from a leech but it was the only thing that came to mind. The creature was wrapped around and up his thigh but he managed to get his hand into his pocket and fish out the dented brass zippo he hoped would still be there, he didn’t know the rules on the afterlife but he was still in his old clothes so it stood to reason the lighter would be there as it always had been, although he couldn’t remember how he knew that, it was there nonetheless. He gathered a handful of grass, opened the lighter and struck the flint. He fed the small flame with painful little gasps, stoking the grass to burn steadily. After what seemed like hours he then held the flame against the flesh of one of the creatures, causing it to sizzle and squeal in pain. With a disdainful hiss the creature retreated from the flame, dropping back into the mud. He quickly did the same to the next creature. It’s mouth making a sickening popping noise as it disengaged from his thigh. Disappearing back into the mud that birthed it.

He rested a long moment, eyes screwed shut and breathing heavily.

“we… we have to get out of this canyon” he stated between gasps.

“You cant climb, look at your legs!” she exclaimed.

It was true he knew, no way was he going to be able to scale the steep bank out of the canyon, there was no way they could stay here though, not with those things waiting to grab them. he looked around.. just there up a ways, option two.

“You see there? Just up abit, that looks like the opening to a cave” he said “ I should be able to make it there"

“What if somethings already living in it though…?”

“Well there’s definitely things living down here, we have to go somewhere”

“Okay, yes you’re right” she said, nodding and casting him a worried smile.

He struggled unsteadily to stand, his legs felt like shakey planks of dead wood. He had lost a lot of blood and settled for walking half bent at the waist and using his hands help ascend the incline.

Something like a well worn game trail switched back and forth up towards the caves entrance, the creatures in the mud made him wary of what might else might live among the stones and boulders.. or in the cave for that matter … he preceded cautiously. The dog scouted ahead, sniffing about the rocks for any possible danger. The man watched the dogs efforts and couldn’t help but smile despite the pain.

“He’s such a good boy isn’t he?” she said, joining his line of thought “always trying to make himself useful, always looking out for you. He cares about you a lot you know?”

“Well yeah, I need taking care of don’t you know? Left to myself id probably just sit around waiting to die" he said with some sarcasm.

“That’s not true” she said with a smile “you’d find a way, you always do”

They chuckled softly together, blowing off some of the stress of the frightening encounter. Something caught his eye and his laughter trailed off.

A small crustacean like creature scurried across the path infront of him, it hid under a rock but he could still see its waving antennae sticking out, scanning for danger.

“what do you think it is?” she asked

“I don’t know” he replied “I don’t think it’s dangerous though, too small”

A low growl snapped his attention up to focus on the dog. A much larger crustacean was emerging from its burrow and grabbing the dog with its pincers, the dog let out a pained yelp.

“No!” he yelled and frantically scrambled towards the commotion. The thing was trying to drag the dog back into its burrow, but he wasn’t going easily, the dog snarled and bit on anything within reach, but his teeth did little to the things hard carapace.

As the man drew closer he stooped to pick up a head sized rock, fully intending to crush the creature that had his friend into a fine paste. He pulled up short to find that a clean blow with the rock would be difficult. He had to get the thing far enough out of its burrow to land a good hit without hurting the dog. He had a plan.. the dog wasn’t Going to like it. He grabbed the dog by the collar and pulled, his heart breaking at the agonized whine the dog made as it was pulled from opposing forces. The monster was holding fast in its hole, but with a quick jerk the thing came free, just enough. He mustered all the strength he had to bring the rock down one handed, it connected, It’s shell cracked and creamy green liquid spurted onto the sand. He let go of the dog and with both hands he gripped the rock and brought it down again and again until it no longer resembled anything once living. His blind fury dissipated with the realization that the thing would never pose a threat again and the dog still needed help. The pincer crushing the dog was still locked in a death grip even though it was no longer connected to a body, The man sidled over and struggled to pull the claw apart, losing his grip a few times on the splattered guts coating his hands, but finally he managed it. He cast the pincer away and watched his friend with worry. The dog rose to its feet unsteadily. It looked almost embarrassed for having needed saving in the first place. It was obviously hurt, sporting some fresh blood in its fur where the pincers broke skin. The man looked the dog in the eyes and gave him a wavering smile. As worried as he was for the dogs injuries he was infinitely grateful that his friend was not taken from him. They stayed close together for the rest of the journey. The man kicked threateningly at any hole that contained a curious occupant but no other attacks came.

Reaching the mouth of the cave, he cocked his head and listened for any sign it was inhabited, nothing. A cursory look inside revealed no hidden dangers either. He turned to the others to beckon them inside but froze in place.

Just there, on the opposing lip of the canyon a man stood, watching them.

“Hey!” he yelled to the observer “can you help us? We’re hurt… bad.. we need to get out of here and find help, do you have a rope? Anything we could use to climb out?

The observer just shook his head slowly, eyes not leaving them.

“What about food? We haven’t eaten in days, we’re starving”

The observer coughed out a dusty laugh and spoke, his voice high and raspy like pages ripped from old books

“Might feel that way, like you’re gonna starve, but you won’t, not here"

“What do you mean? There' nothing here to eat, nothing that doesn’t want to kill us at least”

The observer grinned, the way a crocodile might if it had a sense of humor.

“Course there is, just gotta …look around, maybe you’re just not hungry enough.. yet”

the dog looked up to his master with confused, anxious eyes.

“Who the fuck are you exactly? Where the hell are we?” the man demanded

“You’re in the place all bad things go eventually, to atone. Im just…. a witness here" He spoke like he was telling a long joke, savoring the punchline.

The observers smile was just a bit too wide for a man, his skin to waxen, the cracks in his dried skin appearing uniforme... like scales.

“Atone? Atone for what?”

“Your sins, I imagine” that smile never wavering, his eyes never blinking

His brow furrowed “my sins? Fine.. but why are they here with me then? Hey?” he gestured to his companions.

The observers eyes fixed on the dog and he said “if I had to guess id say that good old boy there just loved you so much in life that he followed you, into the afterlife. breaks your heart don’t it?”

The dog looked up to his master sheepishly, tail wagging slightly.

The observer started to back away from the cliffside “well...I’ll be seein ya"

“Wait! Please don’t leave, help us!”

The grin widened impossibly further, lips drawing back and exposing snake like fangs “don’t worry, I won’t be far off. If you scream, I’ll hear ya"

With a wink of a slited eye he was gone, leaving an air of foreboding behind him

“What should we do? She asked from behind him.

“Get inside for now” he replied “after that I don’t know… i just don’t know”

The cave was unoccupied, bones picked clean long ago gave evidence to something having once lived here, but not for some time, and hopefully not again soon.

He collapsed against the cave wall, body not even registering contact with the hard stone.

“We need to get some rest” he said “but one of us should keep watch"

“You sleep” she said “ you need it more than I do”

“You’ll wake me if anything happens?”

“Of course” she smiled sadly. He nodded, and drifted to sleep without another word. It was a fitful sleep that brought terrifying dreams. That snake of a man appeared in some of them, his words echoing as scenes of horror ran rampant through his subconscious mind.

It wasn’t her that woke him up, but the sound of screaming from outside the cave, distant But carrying a long way. He sat bolt upright Listening to the pained howl.

“What is that” she asked?

“I don’t know, it sounds like a person”

The screaming carried on far too long, changing pitch and rising to an animalistic keening. Then all of a sudden it was cut short, accompanied by a loud crack, as if the screamer had been crushed by some behemoth. Stepped on by a giant.

“I think we better stay inside” she said

“Yeah” he replied.

Only the dog slept again that night, and by the kicks of his little paws and soft whimpering, he wasn’t having pleasant dreams either. The night was filled with the frantic sounds of prey animals and the guttural predators that stalked them. The sounds of a hungry darkness.

When the sun did rise the man set to blocking the caves entrance with piled stones, leaving just enough room at the top to escape if need be. There wasn’t much else to do so they just waited, bidding away their time within the relative safety as the monotonous days rolled into sleepless nights. Food became an everpresent concern, the sparse dried out vegetation around the cave was inedible. The crustacean things were inedible aswell, he had learned that upon luring one close enough to kill and eat, he paid the price of his experimenting by violently ejecting it in heaves until he was left weaker than he started. He dared not venture to catch one of the mud serpents on the canyon floor and doubted even if he did that they would be edible. The situation seemed hopeless. Water was not as much of a concern. Condensation dripped off the ceiling and collected in foul smelling puddles on the cave floor which they drank sparingly. As long as they rationed they would be fine for water but If they didn’t eat soon they would become to weak to leave the cave. And that would mean death, one way or the other.

The man watched as the dog limped to one of the pools of water for a drink, the dogs condition had deteriorated over time, it was plain to see, internal bleeding was definitely a possibility. His own injuries weren’t doing so well either, his thighs were blackened and painful to touch where the serpents had bitten him, he was almost certain the bites would become infected.

“how are you feeling sweetheart?” she asked from beside him.

“never better” he tried to smile convincingly and failed.

“Wouldn’t think that to look at you. You look like shit …to be honest”

He smiled at that, a genuine smile.

“Yeah well it hasn’t been a very good week for me has it?”

Her smile turned sad and she fidgeted as if struggling to ask an uncomfortable question. Her gaze shifted to the dog. “he’s not doing so well either, is he?”

“No, I think it might be serious, unless we can get out of here and find help I don’t know if he’s going to make it”

She looked back at him “that’s not going to happen, you know that don’t you? Not in the state you’re in. I won’t be able to carry you and him out of here, I might not be strong enough to get myself out of here" she looked away. “and if we don’t eat soon, none of us are getting out of here, and there’s only one option that I can see"

Suspicion creased his face “what are you saying?”

She spoke defensively “this… I wouldn’t suggest something like this… if there was any other way… but we have to eat… and he’s …. He’s lived a long good life, he’s in pain, he doesn’t have to suffer anymore… we don’t all have to die down here"

He stared into her face, awestruck and horrified “you’re…you’re suggesting we eat my dog? Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Her gaze and tone chilled a few degrees “im suggesting you make a choice. Him, or all of us"

He sat, mouth opening and closing, emotions threatening to bubble over, finally breathing out “but he’s my bestfriend, he’s always been there for me, always trying to help, always.. I love him"

“and he loves you too” she said “don’t you think he would be willing to do anything for you? Even give his own life to save yours?”

He didn’t want to hear this, but against his wishes his mind replayed something the observer had said “that good boy just loved you so much in life that he followed you, into the afterlife”

Reluctantly but resolutely he answered “I know he would” and then sadly “but how can I do that to him?”

The corner of her mouth turned up into a sad smile and a tear rolled down her cheek “it wouldn’t just be for you, it would be saving me too, you love me don’t you?”

“of course I do” he said with conviction.

“So he would be saving the one he loves and the one you love too, I can’t imagine a more noble thing than that" her smile was sad but hopeful “ I love you”

“ I… love you too" he said.

And as if in a trance he rose to his feet, injuries forgotten, taking slow, measured steps towards the sleeping canine. He kneeled over him, studying his friend with whom he had shared so many memories with. He tried to convince himself “a noble death” his mind repeated over and over. He picked up a rock, testing its weight in his hand. The dogs eyes opened slowly, looking into his masters, tail wagging lightly.

Tears blurred the details of what he had done but the mans heart broke nonetheless. When he was finished he sobbed inconsolably for what seemed an eternity. The smell of the blood permeated the mans grief and something primal took hold of him, as if hunger itself had possessed him and drove his body. Like some primal beast he began to eat, ripping and tearing through fur and skin, chewing and swallowing, chewing and swallowing until his stomach ached and his mouth and hands dripped crimson. He loomed over the body, The horrifying reality of what he’d done finally settling in.

“sa-sweetheart…you should eat too" he said shakily. no answer came, he looked about the cave, she wasn’t there…but there was nowhere to go…

He felt an odd pressure in one of his ears that made him screw up his eyes and pop his jaw open, the feeling of something working its way out of his inner ear.

A finger sized grub, with a disturbingly human, disturbingly familiar face dropped to his arm and crawled onto the carcass where it began to feed. “thank you” he heard her say.