My Halloween Profile Picture

The best Halloween costume that I ever created was seriously creepy. Even though I made it sixteen years ago, I still use a photo of me wearing it as my social media profile picture every year during Halloween week.

It was just that epic.

I don’t do an insanely cool costume every year, but that year I was motivated. I was co-hosting a volunteer and donor appreciation event for a non-profit whose board of directors I served on, and there was a costume contest with several subcategories. I was intent on making an impressive showing.

I don’t even know what exactly I was supposed to be. My usual answer, when asked, was “wraith” which is what, exactly? Essentially, it’s some sort of ghost or specter, but I wasn’t planning to be some sort of Casper the Friendly Ghost or Peanuts character with a sheet over my head. I was planning to go full banshee.

A banshee is a female spirit in Irish folklore who heralds the death of a family member, usually by wailing, shrieking, or keening. Yep, that sounded like what I was after!

I ordered a seriously disturbing pair of theatrical fangs that had rows of tiny, needle-like teeth. I knew that if I didn’t wear my glasses, I wouldn’t be able to see anything at all, so I also bought white-out contact lenses that were custom made with my ophthalmological prescription. They really helped to give me the “dead” look, but my partner at the time absolutely hated them. Finally, I purchased a long, white wig to complete the costume essentials.

Next, I worked on the clothes for the costume. I decided that my basic color palate would be grey, black, and white. I had an old skirt that I had purchased at a thrift store that was perfect. It was light grey silk with cloudy swirls of black and darker grey tie dye. To the skirt, I added about a dozen strips of distressed, white, tulle. I cut the strips roughly, ripped several of them, and tried to make them look like one might expect they would if a banshee had been walking around in the woods with sticks and branches snagging her clothes. The shirt I swiped from a lovely Renaissance gown that I owned. It was a silvery grey satin with gathered sleeves, and worked perfectly with my ensemble. Short, grey, booties completed the look. I had done theatrical makeup for numerous stage performances over the years and knew what I was after for my banshee.

Cold.

Dead.

I applied a light-colored foundation mixed with the tiniest bit of clown white that I set with a dusting of corn starch. That provided a thin, translucent base that looked ethereal, and not too thick. Lips and eyes I did in a pale, icy blue that I achieved by using blue crème eyeshadow and liner. I set the lips with cornstarch as well, to ensure that they stayed on until I was ready for them to come off. A little bit of mascara helped the white eyes to really pop.

Then I went a little bit overboard. I went to my regular nail salon and had them apply a long set of acrylic nails, then paint them the same color as my lips. This created a look that suggested maybe I’d been dead for awhile and my nails had kept growing. It was awesomely disturbing, but also quite debilitating. It’s impossible to put contact lenses in with four-inch fingernails, and forget about eating chips and dip at the Halloween party!

Ultimately, I only left the nails on long enough to creep out several people and take home the prize for “scariest costume” that night. When it came time to go to the bathroom, I borrowed some scissors from our venue hosts, and cut off my talons. There was no possible way that I could do my business on my own while wearing them!

The party had taken place on the weekend, and I reprised the costume a few nights later on the actual evening of Halloween. Everything was exactly the same except for I left the nails short. That night, I was heading to the corporate campus of Microsoft. My spouse at the time was an employee, and every year they welcomed family members to come trick-or-treat. Lots of people decorated their offices, break rooms filled with games, activities, and food. It was a warm and dry location to spend Halloween, and there was always plenty of candy and a festive atmosphere.

My ex badged us all in, and we headed down the hall towards his office. On the way there, I came face to face with then-CEO and cofounder of Microsoft Corporation, Steve Ballmer. No, not someone dressed up as Steve Ballmer…the actual guy – #11 on Forbes top 400 list of richest Americans that year. Notoriously intense Steve Ballmer lived up to his grumpy legend that day when he strode towards us in a leather jacket, laptop bag on his shoulder. When he saw me, he stopped dead in his tracks, eyed me up and down, shook his head in apparent disgust, audibly “tsked” and proceeded towards the exit.

We were all a little shocked, but continued on, excited to have a fun “celebrity citing” story to share. Little did we know that we would soon have another!

The kids walked up and down the halls, stopping at office doors to trick-or-treat. Eventually, we found ourselves outside the executive office area where Bill Gates’ office was located. After 9/11 Microsoft had added extra security, particularly in that part of campus. At the time, there was a uniformed, armed security guard posted outside of the door to the executive branch. As we walked past him, I waved and quipped: “nice costume!” He did his best impression of a Royal Guardsman by not reacting in the slightest.

As we rounded the corner down another hallway, I noticed another security detail coming towards us. This was not unexpected on a night when so many people were on campus, but these guys weren’t in uniforms, they were in suits, and we soon realized that they were discreetly flanking Bill and Melinda Gates and their three young children. They Gates children were also in costume and collecting candy, just like our group was. We all nodded politely, as you do, and as I smiled at Melinda Gates, I realized that I was revealing a row of razor fangs. She grinned broadly and said “wow! Great costume!” I thanked her, then suggested something about staying back so that I didn’t scare her little ones. She pointed me out to their older daughter, who was about 9 at the time.

As we stood, I watched a touchingly sweet parental moment between the richest man in the world and his toddler daughter. Phoebe Gates, a preschooler at the time, toddled up to a bowl of candy that was sitting on a chair outside of someone’s office. The tot grabbed a double fistful of peanut butter cups, and her father gently admonished that she was only supposed to take one. She dug in her heels a bit, doing her best to take three, but her dad explained that they needed to leave some for others, and mom leaned on the back of the chair, arms crossed, wry grin on her face, watching her daughter and spouse negotiate over peanut butter and chocolate.

I tried hard not to smile and scare everyone.

By the end of Halloween, 2005, we had collected loads of candy, some great stories, and a spooky photo that I will once again set as my profile picture for Halloween.

Trick or treat!