Life Skills

Next time, they’ll put the tent up before they start drinking. This time, however, they made the mistake of unloading the cooler and mixing drinks before they did anything else. After all, the two couples had waited all year for this vacation and the drive to get here had taken twice as long as it should have since the GPS on the phones doesn’t work when there’s no reception. Tempers had worn thin by the time they finally arrived, and unwinding was first and foremost on their minds.

One drink turned into several before the group decision was made to make camp. Dusk was rapidly approaching, along with the mosquitoes and gnats, so they split up into pairs. Richard and Sharon were to start the campfire while Kevin and Abby oversaw setting up the tent. Tent design has certainly improved over the years and any reasonably intelligent person can pull it off in minutes – if sober – which they certainly were not. In a badly choreographed play of slapping at insects while fumbling with tent poles, they accomplished the five-minute chore in a mere 45 minutes, albeit amid much hilarity.

Announcing their success with that part of the project, the group sat by the now roaring fire and shared another round of drinks. Nobody felt like cooking any of the meals that were brought, so tonight they settled for sliding hot dogs onto skewers and roasting them over the fire, followed by the required s’mores.

The campsite was in a cleared site at the edge of a dense forest next to a large pristine lake, now lifeless and pitch black in the dark. They were quite alone. The song of toads, the conversation of the owls, and frequent fireflies could be seen here and there in among the tall pine trees which made up the woods all around them. The night sky was clear and since they were far from any towns, there was no light pollution to hinder their view of the stars.

Abby was the star gazer in the group, and never had she seen so many. There really were millions of them up there. She could easily pick out the constellation Orion by the three stars in his belt, and the planets Mars and Saturn.

She was just about to point out the stars in Orion, and his bow, and Betelgeuse, to the others, when the constellation started to disappear, as if a black curtain was passing over it. First his hips disappeared, moving up over to include his belt and his shoulders, until the entire constellation had vanished. Then, in reverse, it began to reappear.

“Look!” she shouted. “Look at Orion!”

Of course, they wouldn’t have known what to look for if had been currently visible, but she attempted to point it out anyway as his belt reappeared.

“See those three stars in a row right there?” She pointed up, “That’s his belt. And see how everything beyond it is black? There’s nothing there! There should be hundreds of stars there. Look! See how they are suddenly back! They disappeared and now they’re back.”

“Yeah, sure, Abby, have another drink,” they teased.

Had she imagined it? Sure, Betelgeuse might be about to explode, but the entire constellation wasn’t supposed to disappear with it! In any event, being a firm believer in science, there was a logical explanation for whatever happened, so her attention returned to the group, who had now finished numerous rounds of “remember the time?” and were moving on to “remember the movie?” Tonight’s topic appeared to be creapiest movie scenes.

“My vote for grossest scene in a movie was from The Mummy when they locked that poor guy in the coffin with all those flesh-eating scarabs!” Sarah shivered. “I hate bugs.”

“Yeah, and later in that movie when the bugs got out and sped ate all those other people. One of my worst nightmares, too.” Abby agreed.

“What about in Harry Potter when Ron and Harry were chased by a million spiders in the Forbidden Forest?” suggested Richard. They all agreed that was disgusting, too.

“Why did it have to be snakes?” added Kevin, a reference to Indiana Jones.

“You know,” Abby said, “snakes aren’t that bad. Insects are far worse. Snakes really aren’t aggressive. If you make enough noise, they’ll stay away. Damn insects will chase you. And they FLY.”

“So, what movie scene grossed you out the most?”

“I don’t know about gross, but the movie that scared me the most was The Birds. The thought that creatures could attack as a group? Whether it’s birds or insects, they outnumber us, so if they could organize, we wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Yeah, there have been other horror movies like that, I think. One with spiders and one with rats. Humans always won in the end though.”

“That’s because they’re movies. I’m not certain that would be the outcome in real life.”

“Well, on that cheery note, I’m turning in. See y’all in the morning. Who’s making coffee?” asked Sarah.

Richard threw dirt on the embers and made sure to tie the trash up high in a tree and turned in. Abby took a final look up out at the lake and up at the stars. Seeing nothing amiss, she turned in for the night.

What awoke her? She lay there listening. Hearing nothing, she closed her eyes to return to sleep when they opened wide. She heard nothing. No toads, no owls, no insects, nothing. That’s wrong.

She listened harder. It was difficult over the snoring of the boys, so she woke them up.

“Something’s wrong,” she said. “It’s too quiet.” Needless to say, they weren’t happy, but they did listen. As they listened, a sound began. Softly, as if far away.

“What is that? Is it a bear?” asked Sarah.

“Sounds more like birds. But in the middle of the night? Is that possible?” asked Kevin.

“Should we go out and look?” Abby questioned, “Even though in every single horror movie ever made that’s always the very worst idea. Besides, I really kind of have to pee.”

“The mistake they make in horror movies is sending out only one person, who always gets killed. Let’s all go out together, buddy system.” Agreeing that this was a sane plan, Kevin unzipped the tent door.

The sound was much louder outside, indeed sounding like beating wings; but, looking out over the lake, nobody could see anything but the inky darkness of the water, without even a moon reflecting off its surface. Sarah and Abby headed for the nearest bushes with their flashlights and a roll of toilet paper, while the boys headed for the trees, too macho to need a light.

Were the flashlights their mistake? Abby wondered. Flying insects are attracted to light, after all. The memory of the black curtain that covered the constellation returned to her as she saw, in the light of her flashlight, the swarm head toward the foursome. Their numbers were too large to be able to make out any individual bug, but no sooner had the first ones reached them, than they all scrambled to return to the tent. Although no encouragement was needed in their panic, involuntary cries of “Run, run, run” were yelled by all.

Within seconds, insects covered the surface of the tent, imprisoning the campers. Their legs scratched the tent fabric as they crawled, and the fluttering of their wings was freaking them all out.

Everyone was still yelling at once, in a panicked attempt to devise a plan.

“Guys, for all we know, they’ll be gone in the morning. They didn’t come out until after dark. We could just wait this out.”

“All our food and water are in the car though. What if they aren’t gone?

“Um, guys,” interrupted Sarah, “I don’t think that’s an option. They are making a hole in the tent.”

Shit. Sure enough, they were eating through the nylon fabric. They needed to escape. Immediately.

Various ideas were shouted out: “Should we try to escape to the car parked behind the tent on the opposite side of the tent door, or run toward the lake and jump in? Could these insects swim or would they drown? The run to the lake is the shorter route, but we would be more exposed. The car offers more protection, and we could drive away. Plus, food and water are in the car.”

“Okay, how about this? I have my pocketknife. We can cut a slit in the back of the tent and make a second door. That would make the escape route to the car a shorter distance,” suggested Kevin. And so, the decision was made. A niggling voice in Abby’s head whispered the opinion this would render the tent useless as a shelter if needed in the future, but she kept silent.

Richard kept the keys to the car handy while Kevin withdrew the blade from the pocketknife. They all wrapped themselves in sleeping bags for extra protection. Bugs were starting to make their way through several holes as, on the count of three, Kevin started at the height of his shoulder to make the incision in the tent and quickly ran the blade down to the ground. Immediately, the insects started to pour into the tent. This would have been the first good look we got of them if we hadn’t been forced to shut our eyes to keep them from flying into us as we ran outside to the car.

Abby heard the double beep as the key unlocked the car ahead of their arrival. “Run, run, run!” Everyone was yelling. Being inside the swarm was a maddening sound of clicks as the insects tried to break through. Reaching the car, Abby pulled open the door and leaped in, Sarah right behind her. Kevin got in on the other side. Although they swiftly pulled the doors shut, several of the oversized insects snuck in. Finally, they got a good look at them. They looked like huge cockroaches from Madagascar, the kind Abby had seen on a field trip to a natural science museum.

The three of them were all screaming, “Kill them! Get them! There’s another one!”

They searched for tools to smash them. Eventually, the courtesy light went out and they had to rely on flashlights. Kevin removed his trail boot and effectively crushed one or two. Abby received a nasty bite and swiftly swatted it off, momentarily placing it on its back long enough to step on it, but that wasn’t enough to kill it. All eight legs were still moving. She knew she had to find something harder or heavier to use. Frantically, she searched around, spying Sarah and Kevin in their own personal battles.

Where was Richard? she thought.

Her eyes rested upon the glove box, and she opened it to see what it contained. The owner’s manual was a thick book with a wide spine. She grabbed it and, using the spine, raised her arm high above her head and brought it down as hard and fast as she could upon the creature, again and again and again. Probably more often than was necessary, but until there was no doubt it was no longer going to keep moving. Looking around, seeing Sarah and Kevin’s struggles had ended too, she turned on the headlights and looked out the windshield through the insects for Richard.

Richard was on the ground, struggling with his sleeping bag to stand, covered head to toe in insects. He was screaming and crawling toward the car.

They all knew they had to go get him, but the horror of the scene unfolding in front of them had them temporarily frozen, unable to move, rendering the brain incapable of processing what they were seeing, so it failed to send a signal to react. By the time the flight response engaged, the fight was over, and Richard had stopped moving.

There was no time to mourn. Richard had the keys to the car.

“We should be safe in here until help arrives, right?” Kevin questioned. “Not really,” Abby answered. “Roaches can easily flatten themselves and squeeze in through these air ducts. Maybe if we plug them up somehow? But we’ll still be stuck here all weekend. Nobody will miss us until Monday. I don’t suppose anyone knows how to hotwire a car, do they?”

“There’s a life skill we should add to the school curriculum.”

Sarah finally joined the conversation, adding, “I think one of us needs to go get the car keys."

And, since Abby was the one on the track team, the 50-yard dash no less, and since it not only was a sensible idea, but it was also the only one they had, she nodded. They now had some supplies at their disposal, so they were able to fashion a rough outfit to cover Abby completely. Using the bait net over her head and under her hoodie, and, armed with a shovel which she held with her hands tucked inside the sleeves of the sweatshirt, she opened the door.

Again amid the swarm, her footsteps crunched their bodies. The insects seemed to fly less slowly if she moved more slowly, so Abby tiptoed toward Richard. The facial covering allowed her to keep her eyes open on this trip, so she could see the keys upon the ground where Richard had dropped them. She was spared seeing his body as it was still covered in bugs, a sight which was dreadful, nonetheless. What she didn’t have were gloves of any kind, so she had to use her bare hands to retrieve the keys, receiving several bites for her efforts. Blinded by the headlights as she turned around, she attempted to run quietly back. No, this isn’t possible to do while scared to death; her heart was pounding so hard a myocardial infarction felt imminent.

She did make it back to the car alive, however, and their bug-killing ritual renewed itself after she had shut the door behind her. She inserted the key in the ignition and the engine, thank the universe, turned right over. The vibration caused the insects to retreat en masse, although they could still see them flying about outside. This created a new discussion: “Do the three of us leave together? We can’t leave Richard there; what if a bear or wolves or coyotes showed up? Do we risk getting him into the car? None of us is volunteering to stay behind, that’s for sure. I think they’re getting into the engine.” Abby hit the gas to keep the engine from stalling and leaned on the horn, hoping this might discourage the swarm.

By this time, the darkness was lifting. Dawn wasn’t far away. Abby shut off the headlights.

Was it the absence of the headlights or the presence of sunlight that signaled the swarm to retreat? The survivors never knew, but before they had made their decision, that’s just what the swarm did. As suddenly as they had appeared, they disappeared. And so, they watched the sun rise over the lake, reflecting its red hues upon the rippling surface. They retrieved Richard’s body and abandoned the camp and all the litter from the night before and swiftly left, driving until a cell phone signal was picked up and they could call 911. Sarah rolled down the window and started to throw out the dead insect bodies, but Kevin stopped her. Nobody would believe them without evidence.