Leeches & Lunacy: When Medicine Was More Murderous Than the Malady

I. Introduction: A Dance with Death in the Doctor's Office

The odor of jasmine incense had always brought Padma a certain peace, but on this day, it only served to intensify the metallic taste of fear in the village healer's hut. Padma's grandmother, Amma, was lying on a woven mat, with a deeper set of lines on her face than the normal wrinkles of old age, infused with a sickly yellow tinge that Padma worried about more than she would ever disclose. Amma's joints ached and her bones felt brittle; their local Vaidya, who commanded respect and fear not only as a healer but also as a powerful man in the village, had confidently diagnosed "vata", or an imbalance of air. How did he cure it? Raktamokshana, or bloodletting.

Padma's heart raced as Vaidya began to sharpen a small blade. Vaidya murmured mantras of invocation to healing gods. Padma knew this ancient way was a release of "bad blood" that was half-mysticism and half-science. While the villagers wanted the release from this physical malaise, Padma felt this very act was an ominous and unholy act. With each incantation, disappear across and with abruptly so many items moving steadily backwards.

It has been centuries across the globe where the chasm separating cure and curse has sadly been blurred. Desperate patients, much like Amma, were prepared to endure unimaginable tortures in search of health--in some cases, costing them their lives. They trusted shamans or healers, doctors that would ease the suffering. In many cases, the "cure" was more horrific, more damaging than the original suffering itself. We are stepping into a history where hope was a razor´s edge, where cure could quickly morph into lethal curse.

From mercury madness to skull-drilling "sanity checks," prepare to be shocked by ten bizarre and brutal treatments that prove, sometimes, the cure is worse than the disease.

II. The Mercury Mirage: When 'Cure' Was Code for 'Slow Poisoning'

Picture any shiny, silvery liquid that looks almost like it is moving on its own. Mercury or quicksilver, as it was called in ancient times, had almost a magical quality. It looked powerful, it looked transformational. People believed it had the ability to "purge" the body of impurities and bring balance.

This idea encouraged the widespread employment of mercury to treat some diseases, in particular syphilis. Imagining the nightmare: an STD that slowly eats you alive, treated by a substance that also slowly eats you alive. What a nasty Catch-22; it is like putting gasoline on a fire to put it out.

The truth was ugly. Mercury poisoning leads to organ failure, neurological damage, and death. "In the 18th Century, more than 25% of syphilis patients treated with mercury died… from the treatment itself, " a truly awful statistic that reveals the real cost of this 'cure.' One out of Four people died of this "medicine."

Some thought mercury did provide temporary relief from the symptoms of syphilis, masking the disease but also killing you in the process. It was a devil's pact: a fleeting moment of comfort purchased at the cost of a lifetime of suffering, or worse, an early grave.

III. Bloodletting: Bleeding for Health? More Like Bleeding to Death

Let's again blame the Greeks (even though this practice has parallels in ancient Indian medicine and other traditions). The notion that illness was the product of an imbalance in bodily "humors" (blood, phlegm, yellow bile, black bile) or doshas (vata, pitta, and kapha) was the logical precursor to the practice of "bloodletting" as medicine. Think of it as pre-scientific "rebooting" of the body devoid of fluids. The bad energies and bad bodily imbalances that caused sickness were removed from the body with the blood that was removed.

Even well-known individuals, like George Washington, the first president of the United States, suffered from this dangerous practice. Washington died after doctors took nearly five pints of blood from him, while he was suffering from a throat bacterial infection. Just think about that: the man who led a revolution against tyranny… was killed by his doctors. Is that ironic or what?

To make things worse, the unsanitary customs surrounding bloodletting practices were horrendous. Some bloodletting actually took place in community bloodletting basins, tools reused without sterilization, and no concept of germs at all. It was like a cesspool of infections. To boot (and infections), you had the business to wipe off the injury (and infections). Can you imagine sharing needles today?

IV. Trepanation: Hole-y Moley, What Were They Thinking?

The oldest surgical operation known to man... and one of the scariest. Skulls with holes drilled in them from thousands of years ago have been discovered across the globe. Was it surgery? Was it ritual? Or a remedy for a really bad headache? It has even been discovered on ancient Indian skulls.

The explanations are as ridiculous as they are varied: relieve pressure? Free evil spirits? Cure epilepsy? It was like a medieval "brain reset" button with a very high rate of failure. Can you imagine someone drilling a hole in your skull to allow the "bad air" to escape? Creepy, right?

Skulls with evidence of healing around the trepanation openings suggest that some individuals actually lived, but at what cost? What life did those individuals live? How much "consent" do you think they obtained when they literally began drilling into people's heads? Do you think the patients were given pain medications? Anesthesia? You already know the answer.

V. Arsenic: The 'Beauty' That Bites Back

Envision pale skin as the highest standard of beauty, a sign you didn’t have to work in the sun. Enter arsenic, the “miracle” cure for… well, practically everything, including pale skin. Some even thought it was a beautiful fairytale ingredient.

Arsenic is a cumulative poison; over time, it accumulates in the body and can cause damage to our internal organs, hair loss, skin lesions, and eventually, death. The very things it was thought to prevent, it caused. It was akin to slowly poisoning yourself for the sake of beauty.

The quest for beauty can lead to extreme (and foolish) behavior. The use of arsenic as a "beauty tonic" serves as a shocking reminder of the societal pressure that motivated individuals to risk their health and well-being for validation. This is more than a history lesson - it's a cautionary tale about self-acceptance and a reminder of how dangerous it can be to seek out unattainable standards.

VI. Lobotomies: The 'Ice Pick' to the Soul

Lobotomies offered the "cure" for severe mental illness by cutting off the connections in the brain. It was celebrated, a miracle! Doctors thought they were opening a new chapter in the field of medicine for mental health.

The horrible truth was different. An ice pick-like device was inserted through the eye socket, blindly severing various strands of brain tissue. What was the outcome? The result was a zombie-like state - a state with no personality and emotion. Patients were often unable to care for themselves, or even function. Their lives were destroyed.

The sad tale of JFK's sister, Rosemary Kennedy, who underwent a lobotomy that caused irreversible debilitation, serves as a powerful reminder of the realities of this procedure. Rosemary Kennedy tells a cautionary tale about the consequences of medical hubris, where her individual wellbeing was sacrificed for the sake of a supposed "greater good."

We have advanced beyond employing barbarous procedures, and now utilize more advanced drugs and therapies that treat mental illness. While we've advanced as a society, the horror of the lobotomy still exists, a harsh reminder of how medical innovation can transpire darker practices.

VII. Corpse Medicine: Eating the Dead to Stay Alive

Yes, you read that correctly. They believed that ground-up mummies, human fat, skull moss, and other ghastly ingredients had healing properties. Can you imagine going to your doctor and being prescribed... a mummy smoothie?

This was built on the premise that dead individuals retained the "essence" of life, and thus, consuming the dead would transmit the dead person's vitality into the living person. It was a misguided and extreme example of a desire for immortality, a futile attempt at cheating death. The Aghori sect in ancient India practices something similar to this even today.

This practice was especially well known in Europe, and it is evident just how broad the practice was accepted by certain individuals. "The human body was thought to have special healing properties, as it was considered a microcosm of the universe."

VIII. Opium for Teething: Dulling the Pain, Dulling Everything

Opium was readily available and used for anything ranging from coughs to diarrhea. For teething children, it was a blessing in disguise, using an annoying ailment to relieve their pain and quiet their screaming. In India, some opium was combined with a few other herbs, and given to infants.

The issue? Opium is extremely addictive and potentially fatal, especially in infants. The result? A generation of children are addicted to opium or dead from overdoses. It was a short-sighted solution that had long-lasting negative consequences. We can compare this to the more modern-day opioid crisis.

The overprescription of opioid pain medication can have devastating consequences today. It's a reminder that even seemingly harmless remedies can have deadly side effects.

IX. Electric Shock Therapy (Early Days): Frying the Brain for 'Cures'

Electric shock therapy was initially seen as a way to "reset" the brain in cases of severe mental illness, a way to jolt patients back to normalcy.

Electric shock therapy was harsh and in many cases without anesthesia, causing seizures and memory loss. It was a crude tool to tackle complex problems, like banging a computer to fix it.

Currently, the practice of electric shock therapy, or electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), is conducted with more safety and ethics. It is still used, but not usually, and usually has proper anesthesia with monitoring. ECT is now only practiced under certain circumstances when other things do not work.

X. Tapeworm Diet: The Slimming Solution That Slimes You

If you could just swallow an egg from a tapeworm, let it grow in your intestines and watch the pounds come off! A parasite that eats your food for you! What could possibly go wrong? This seemed like a dream solution for anyone desperate to lose weight.

Tapeworms bring a number of benefits to health, ranging from belly aches and nausea, to malnutrition and solemn seizures. Think about how they can grow to about ... yards long inside you. "Yikes." I'm going to stop now. How horrible to feel something wriggling inside your belly that is many feet long.

The idea of a parasite in your gut is enough to make anyone squirm, but people were so eager to lose weight that they were willing to expose themselves to that risk, underlining the force of social pressures behind the dangers of fad diets.

XI. Conclusion: Lessons from the Graveyard of Cures

From face masks made from arsenic to parasite diets, we have traversed a hall of horrors, and have seen some of the lengths to which people will go to be healthy. We have learned how quickly hope can turn to despair and that good intentions pave the way to hell.

The history of morbid/absurd and cruel cures serves as a useful reminder for the need of scientific rigor and ethical medical conduct, as well as for the ever evolving state of knowledge in medicine. It highlights the need to think critically, to question authority, and to ensure the welfare of the individual first.

Appreciate the advancements in modern medicine, be a critical thinker when evaluating health advice, and never, ever swallow a live tapeworm. And remember Amma, and all those who suffered in the name of healing, their stories a testament to the enduring power of hope, and the enduring need for wisdom. Let's hope that what we find today is better than what we find later.