Immortality

Everyone always talks about how they’d want to be immortal, there always the tropes in media about the villain trying to achieve immortality and then they’ll rule over the world forever. Let me tell you from experience, it’s nowhere near as good as you’d think. The most prominent thing is how all the people you care about die, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it, you can prolong it all you want but immortality isn’t so easily achieved as for you to give it to someone else. The next worst thing?

Loneliness.

I am always alone and not because I was the man who ruled the world with an iron fist and killed millions. No. It’s because there’s no one left though if it’s any consolation, if there were people left, they would hate me. They have every right to. I don’t know why I’m writing this, maybe this note will travel back in time to a past version of me and he’ll think “oh how dumb of a letter this is, I’ll go for immortality anyway! Nothing bad could ever happen when I have fate on my side!” Yes, I know, I used to talk like a shitty cheesy cartoon movie villain. If I could put a sigh on this page without it seeming out of place I would. I hope the planet blows up at some point, at least it’d be better then walking through ruined cities, burned remains of forests, poisoned oceans, frozen deserts and much more. Somehow the one good thing I managed to do was stop global warming, well climate change but I accomplished the whole changing the climate in a different way stopping the glaciers from melting, not that it benefits anyone but go me. I wonder if there is alien life out there, I can tell you it sure as hell hasn’t visited in the last 20 or so million years, give or take a couple million. I haven’t been counting… Another thing people never think about with immortality is the perception of time. For even the oldest mortal human, 1 year equated to 1/100th of their life give or take a decade or two. But for me? 1 year for you is the perception of a couple hours to me, that’s the main reason I stopped counting is because day and night are so fast that it’s not worth it anymore. Just writing this note took multiple years I’d assume.

I think the sad part about this whole scenario is that, if I went back and had the chance to change it all, prevent myself from becoming immortal… I don’t know if I would. The years I was reigning were glorious and some of the best of my life though I doubt it was as good for anyone else.

I’m sorry

Actually, you know what, I’m not sorry, I’d do it all again given the chance. No one treated me with care and respect until I got power and I assume all the people who would curse me as is I was the devil himself would look at me with disgust if I were to have passed them on the street while begging for money.

I don’t think I was all that bad of a guy originally. Bad circumstances turn good people evil. Hell, I’m sure if I wasn’t homeless for most of my life and then got the powers that I did I probably would’ve turned out pretty alright. Oh, I should probably say what my power is just in case someone does read this without knowing the history of this world. I got the power to learn anything I wanted as long as someone else knew it, pretty useful right? I got multiple degrees pretty fast, tests are pretty easy when you can easily cheat. Was also pretty easy to control the stock market when you know who controls it, easy to figure out who to bribe when you know whose taken bribes before, easy to rob a bank when you know all the security codes and when guard shifts are. Everything was just easy when you had all the answers. But now that no one is alive besides me? I’m basically just normal minus the whole immortality schtick. Obviously, heroes eventually started popping up since I wasn’t the only guy on the planet to suddenly get a superpower though I always manage to outmaneuver them, well most of the time since if they just happened to run into me well, I can’t exactly stop them, though I can say I was never put in jail.

I think what pissed me off the most is that I knew there was no way to change the system. Not permanently anyway. And I know what you’re thinking “Since you were immortal you could’ve created paradise”.

Not how that works.

Take it from a guy who knows everything, humans will always rebel even when things are perfect, even when they have everything they could ever want. Humans always want more and more and more, we’re a race of greed and pride and envy and whatever other sin you want throw in there. There is no way to perfect society, you kill the rich people and you just get people who sympathize with them since you murdered them even though all of em are criminals in one way or another. Seriously, most billionaires are either pedophiles, murderers or have sexually assaulted someone. There are the outliers who only launder money or flat out steal or don’t pay taxes. Then you get the ones who decide to jack up prices artificially just to turn a profit, causalities be damned as long as they were rich.

Honestly if someone does end up reading this note and thinks they can do better in my situation then I encourage you to, do what I couldn’t. Do what I was too scared to.

Not like anyone will ever read this anyway. Hell, what would you even change, there’s the old saying of “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely” so honestly, I’d figure you’d all do the same shit I did, at least that makes me feel slightly better, writing this is like therapy honestly, not that any shrink is qualified to deal with literal centuries of bullshit, right? Hell, the only person who ever really got me is long dead, all I have to remember her by is this heart-shaped locket, cheesy right? But that’s just how I liked it; it was cheesy sure, but it was memorable. She was the only person in the world who would go out of their way for someone like me. Just glad she didn’t have to suffer through this like I did.

Wondering if there even is a heaven or hell or some other bullshit, I assume if reincarnation is real there’s either a permanent shut down or everyone is living it up in some alternate reality or on an alien planet. Wonder what aliens would do with me if they found me, do my powers even work on aliens? You know I never really thought about my powers have range limits or hell even species limits, never thought about trying to learn something from a squirrel; not like it would be necessary anyway unless I needed nuts. Well, I can officially say that either:

a) My powers have range limits.

b) My powers have species limits.

c) Aliens don’t exist.

d) All the above.

e) Both A and B or B and C or A and C.

I don’t really like any of the options honestly though a) seems to be the best since it still lends the thought that eventually aliens will show up and once, they get in range I can learn everything I need to. Am I seriously hoping aliens look at this shithole planet and think it will be anywhere near suitable for anything? I mean Mars is right there if they can get to Earth, they can get to Mars, though I guess it’s possible they want the shittiest planet in the solar system but even then, Mercury is right there.

How about instead of self-pity I just start writing contentious literature? I could say I’m a best-selling author and that my book is known world-wide, because, you know.

What is hell?

Is hell other people? No

Is hell pain? No

Is hell loneliness? No

Is hell torture? No

Hell is eternity.

Hell is nothing.

Hell is an eternity of nothing, nothing new, nothing changing, the same scenarios over and over.

Hell is being the last thing on a dead planet with no way to get off it and no way to die.

Hell is wandering around a wasteland for millennia waiting for the earth or the sun or something to blow up. Hot, cold, hot, cold, hot, cold. Time is perceived different by everyone, the longer you live the faster you perceive it. Seasons pass like seconds, Years are a couple minutes, there goes a leap year.

Hell is the knowledge that nothing new will happen.

Hell is the knowledge that you caused this.

Hell is the knowledge that you cannot fix this.

Hell is the knowledge that even if you could.

You wouldn’t.

You deserve this.

Well that certainly just seems like what my note up until this point was but shittier, it doesn’t have my snark and there’s too much self-pity there. But I’d love to hear your thoughts. Oh yes? Interesting, interesting, I never thought about it that way. Oh, so how would you do that section? Fascinating.

I’m talking to air.

Or I guess I’m talking to, the page?

Still not the craziest thing I’ve done.

So far I guess.

I guess also when you are the only person left on Earth, no matter what you are the craziest person there is, and you cannot be both the sanest and craziest so like crazy takes priority cause clearly I ain’t right in the head.

Well anyway if you are reading this in some alternate timeline or whatever, know that I’m done writing this, fill in the blanks yourself about why I did, perhaps I flew off into space, or the sun exploded, or aliens are picking me up. I do not care anymore.