Him

You ripped my heart out of my body

And attached strings to the loose ends

Rhythmically moving your fingers

Controlling me until it couldn’t beat anymore

I scoff. I sink my pen into the paper as hard as I could to erase the crap I just wrote from my notebook. What’s left is a black, inky blob that vaguely resembles a goldfish.

I lean back into my seat and let out a sigh. In the corner of the café there’s a young couple who are sitting impossibly close and sharing a croissant. His lips are up to her ear whispering something presumably dirty as she tries to sip on her latte. A lump forms in my throat. Is it wrong that I don’t wish they last?

I thought Axel was the one. In fact I felt it deep in my soul. Before I met him, the trees were always a sage brown and the sky looked cold but when we met the first day of our MFA program I saw everything in 4k—colors that I heard of but never saw. It inspired me to feel, to touch, to love and unsurprisingly it’s easier to write when you are in love because its something you want to admit to the world. When you are broken, you very rarely want to admit that.

The image of Axel and his stupid wavy hair disappears from my mind when a prickly feeling runs up my arm. The man in the coat. It’s happening again. I need to take a pill. Little bumps rise on my skin and the hair on the back of my neck stands up straight. He’s here.

I still don’t know who “He” is, but I’ve grown to know when he’s around. The feeling of being watched is naturally obtrusive.

My eyes frantically search the area around me I look towards the window and I see Him. Well, I think I do. My eyes graze a group of grey-suited businessmen. He’s there, behind them, his long black coat folds onto the pavement. Even though his eyes are covered by the brim of his hat, I can feel his eyes searing into me. He’s watching me while I’m watching him.

I look back at my little black book. What was I writing? Wait. I need to take a pill.

I look back at the window and there is a group of elementary school students walking in pairs with bright rainbows on. The businessmen laugh with their heads thrown back and one of them with slicked black hair motions for them to get going. As they disperse, I look for him but He’s gone.

For Christ’s sake.

My coffee is no longer hot and the foam heart turned into a cloud. Oh right, a pill. I close my notebook and head to the restroom.

Jeremy, the barista, is making an iced drink behind the counter and as I walk by he looks up and flashes that smile all the girls love. Let’s be honest, Jeremy is the reason this place is popular. He is friendly and talks to you like you're the prettiest thing in the world. He makes it a habit to learn all the customer’s names. He makes people want to come back here.

As soon as I get to the restroom, I place one pill in the back of my throat and swallow hard feeling it slide down my throat. No matter how many times I do it still feels unnatural.

I head out of the bathroom and my head smacks right into the middle of Jeremy’s chest.

He grabs my arm, steadying me so I don’t fall back. “Are you okay?” His eyes desperately search for the answer while I’m praying that I don’t look ugly in the dim hallway lighting.

“Yeah, I’m fine” I manage to croak out. “Just a little jittery from the caffeine“

“I’m glad” he opens his mouth to say something else but he decides not too. “Well, I hope you enjoyed the latte. Maybe next time we’ll make you a decaf one” he flashes his perfectly aligned teeth at me. He definitely still wears his retainer.

“Thanks” I say as I scurry pass him. Making sure he doesn’t see how red my cheeks are.

I head back to my seat and crack back open my book. My stomach clenches, where are the words? I frantically flip the pages and one after the other they show up blank. My work is gone.

“No, no” I whisper. Suddenly, my fingers hit touch something that feels different from the notebook’s smooth pages—an envelope filled with a note and a check.

MY LOVELIEST FRIEND,

I’VE READ YOUR POEMS AND I KNOW WHAT’S INSIDE YOUR HEART. A HEART MADE OF GOLD IS SO RARE TO FIND THESE DAYS. I KNOW WHAT’S INSIDE THE ENVELOPE MAY NOT INTEREST YOU AS MUCH AS GETTING YOUR BOOK BACK, HOWEVER, NOTHING IN LIFE IS FREE.

HAVE YOU OF HEARD OF MARK CHIN? HE’S BEEN MISSING FOR 10 DAYS AND I KNOW WHERE YOU CAN FIND HIM. YOUR FRIEND, JEREMY ISN’T TOO SMART. HE HAS THE ANSWERS. I MUST WARN YOU, HE IS DANGEROUS. CALL THE POLICE BY 6PM TONIGHT SO HE GETS WHAT HE DESERVES. DO NOT MENTION THIS LETTER OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES.

I CAN SEE EVERYTHING.

IF YOU DO THIS FAVOR FOR ME YOU CAN KEEP THE MONEY AND YOU WILL GET BACK YOUR PRECIOUS BLACK BOOK.

SINCERELY,

YOUR PROTECTOR

He’s been here. He has my notebook filled with everything—things I don’t want others to know.

“Maya?” Jeremy towers over me, his eyebrows are furrowed. “Are you okay? Let me get you some water—”

“No, it’s fine I think I’m just going to head out now” I shrug his hand off me and start gathering my things— stuffing the black book into my bag and speed walk towards the door. My heart is pounding against my chest. Axel called me crazy but God I knew there was someone watching me. The cool air of outside hits my nose and I force myself to steady my breathing. Why didn’t I ask Jeremy if he saw anyone around my stuff? Unless Jeremy left the book as a joke, he always sees me holding my black notebook. But why would he joke like that with me?

Everyone knows who Mark Chin is—he works at a security firm in the city. He is super smart and he went missing. Conspiracy theorists are having a field day.

Curiosity kills the cat I guess. I head into the alleyway behind the cafe. I can feel the blood pumping through my neck, thick and honey like. My breathing becomes shallow. I fiddle with my bag and pop another pill in my mouth.

Here’s the plan: I saw Jeremy walk in today with a leather backpack. I’ll go in from the back entrance, and find it. If there’s anything suspicious I will leave a tip for the police.

The back door is always propped open, I go inside and head into the small room where employees put their bags. I hear footsteps and I quickly hide behind another door. I take my pepper spray out and keep my thumb on the nozzle. I enter the break room and I find Jeremys bag. There was a wallet with eighty dollars in cash, and an unwrapped condom. There were a set of keys, two of them were bigger than the rest. Random slips of papers and receipts. I was about to zip up his bags when I see it, another wallet.

I hold my breath as I open it only to find Mark’s ID staring back at me. Oh no. I quickly shut it because I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be looking at this.

I look back through the papers in the bag and I find information for a storage unit.

BAKER STORAGE 14TH ST

NAME: JAMES PATEL

STORAGE UNIT#: 67

I pull up to the storage unit. It’s a brown, dusty building that looks like it could have better things to be used for. My blouse sticks to my skin as I make my way to number 67. I turn the key and I let out a sigh of relief.

Nothing.

Well, not nothing. There’s a couch with torn cushions and an old water-stained fish tank. No sign of Kevin or any other bodies. No evidence of a killer. It’s a joke, isn’t it? I walk towards the tank and that’s when I notice the outline of a door. My hands are clammy as I look through the keys again. I find another one labeled 69 and I place it in the key hole, bile warms my throat as I know what could be behind the door.

Kevin Chin is laying on the floor, his mouth is wide open and his feet are stained with dirt.

“Kevin! Kevin! Wake up”

He opens his eyes for a second until they start to roll back into his head. Drool hangs from the side of his mouth. He’s been drugged.

I open my phone and dial 911.

“911 what’s your emergency?”

“My name is Maya Wolff and I am at Baker Storage on 14th Street. I found Kevin Chin. He’s been drugged”

“Ma’am stay—”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you” I turn around to see Jeremy standing there. He must have followed me since I rushed out of the café.

“Too late” I say as I pepper spray him in the face.

“Aagh!” He says as he puts his hand over his eyes

I throw my phone and run towards Kevin. Something in my gut tells me that I need to get Kevin and I out of here.

I grab a pair of scissors off the work bench and start cutting the rope’s off his hands.

The last thing I hear is footsteps clacking against the floor and the sharp ache of something hitting my skull.

Then everything went black.

I awake in my bedroom. I sit up in my bed and it feels like no air is coming into my lungs. I’m gasping for breath. I’m covered in sweat and everything hurts. My head feels like it’s going to split into two. I look at the clock and it is 3:45AM.

It was just a dream. I laugh, those stupid pills.

I head to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I see my black book on the table and laugh to myself. What a crazy, unrealistic dream. Maybe I should use it for a story.

I open the book and as expected, all of my notes are there.

I was about to close the book when I see something inserted into the inner pocket at the back of the notebook.

MY LOVELIEST FRIEND,

I KNEW I COULD TRUST YOU. I KNOW A HEART OF GOLD WHEN I SEE ONE. YOU HAVE YOUR BOOK AND 20,000 DOLLARS. ENJOY IT AND I WILL SEE YOU SOON.

YOU GOT HIT PRETTY HARD. I DID YOU A FAVOR AND STOCKED UP ON SOME PAIN KILLERS. THEY ARE IN THE MEDICINE CABINET. I’M SO GLAD YOU WERE ABLE TO SLEEP.

I hear footsteps coming from the back of my apartment. He’s here.