Eating my experience (4)

TOME 5

I woke in the dark, my pillow still sopping wet and stuck to my face to the sound of alex playing the banjo slowly, trying to perfect a song he apparently wrote while i was asleep. "how long was I asleep?" asked groggily causing alex to jump slightly and drop his banjo on his lap.

"oh" he laughed sheepishly, he always was kind of bashful "around a day and a half, I haven't slept yet." I grunted, he smiled, moving his banjo and crossing the room to where I was, where he handed me a glass of water. "you should drink, you kinda lost a puddle there..." he tapered off and looked at his hands, picking at his nails nervously, a dry chuckle resonating in the air between us.

As I gulped the water down, watched him, worried I'd drive him away too. This is not a good place to be alone, nor a good time to be alone. We sat in silence for a long while before he jumped up suddenly and blurted out "are you hungry? you must be, right?" to which I scoffed, rolling out of my blankets and grabbed his arm firmly.

"no...Alex, I'm not hungry...I'm still nauseous f-from....nevermind." I wasn't ready for this loss I wasn't ready to lose two people I had so much love for and I certainly wasn't ready to re-start life. "I'm going to walk around the house...my...knee hurts" I haven't made excuses with alex since we first met, but I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled weakly and started up the stairs. The further up I went, the worse the smell was, that must be gabe, I thought, my eyes welling over again while I trudged on blindly.

Before I knew I, I was in the room with Gabe's body again, I had never been one to have trouble with death, but this time is different, I had never lost someone quite so close before. I stood above his body, my tears gently splashing his cold body as I thought over our last moments together. "I was going to leave anyway, You're a monster." I heard hissing through the floorboards.

My eyes widened, I recognized that voice from somewhere, but it couldn't be... "who was that?!?" I screamed, leaping back and spinning wildly around the room. I was alone in here. Alone with Gabe's body... with Gabe's voice. "You're dead, you're not talking, this is a hallucination, I know it" I whimpered clasping my hands over my ears in desperation, knowing full well this doesn't stop auditory hallucinations. I'd had them enough, I knew how this works

"but am I? you're hearing me, aren't you?" I heard in his voice, faint as the wind, but clear as day.

"I've heard voices before, this is just in my head, you're not real" I screamed, my nails digging into my ears harder and harder till blood trickled down my arms from the backs of my ears.

"hmmm, is it really so out there to think I can linger here with the living like the zombies do?" he chuckled, his voice getting louder with each word, cementing in the space that separated our bodies. I let out a defeated groan as I dropped to the floor near his pale head. He looked like he was sleeping apart from the bullet hole in his face. Swallowing my pride, I spat on the edge of my shirt, and began cleaning the dried blood off his forehead, using my falling tears to further lubricate the progress. I have never been so happy to be bind with tears. Blind enough to lean down and kiss his cold, stiff lips. "I'll keep you with me, Gabe, I'll bring you everywhere... I can't leave you like this."

"you're so silly" he said in an echoing sound that seemed to reverberate in my skull as I remembered all the time's he'd say that before rustling my hair with a smile and a kiss on the forehead. This was my fate, and I accept it.

TO BE CONTINUED...

.