Crimson dreams

Chapter 1: White Walls

‘The echo of pure silence inside my head is deafening. I can’t stand the monotonous hum my brain creates to drown out the emptiness. I fear my sanity is being jeopardized at every imaginary tick of a second hand going around a clock. I begin to beg to the force that controls time, to make it tick faster until my consciousness awakes once again.’

My eyes peel open trying to rid them of darkness. The sense of touch, smell, hear, and sight all rejoin me while my body takes it’s time waking up. A man had appeared in front of me. He was dressed from the neck down in all white clothing. He reached out in my direction, styrofoam cup in hand. I had learned by now what that gesture means so I carried on and went to gulp down what was in the cup. The cup however, collapsed in my grip sending the white styrofoam cup’s contents to the ground and it rolled into a crack in the aged concrete floor.

“Ill grab you another don’t worry. Stay right here, I'll be back very soon.” explained the man who gave me the styrofoam cup. I responded with a nod.

“Take your time. We both know I have plenty of it.”

“By the way, before I leave I meant to give you this. Your step dad wanted to give it to you.” insisted the man. “He said it would help you pass the time in here.” The man reached forward and set an old dusty book on my bedside table. Intrigued, I decided to see what this book was. I wasn’t much of a reader as far as I can recall but if it’s gonna help me pass the time then I can’t deny such a book. The book was vacant of any colour or creativity. It had no words and no pictures on the cover. The only thing that had been done to the book’s cover was a name in the bottom corner.

“Charles.” I read aloud, “Mac my name isn’t Charles. Why do you always mistake me for Charles? My name is Tristan c’mon get it right for once.”

“My apologies Tristan. Sometimes I'm not sure who is who around here.” Mac said as he walked out of the room venturing for another styrofoam cup. Closing the door behind him.

My curiosity took over once he left the room. I picked up the book and got an intense urge to start reading. What I didn’t understand is how my dad, who’s been dead since I was a young boy, gave it to me. Regardless, I decided to dive into it.

Chapter 2: Robert and I

Entry 1,

My parents got me this book. They say it helps blow off steam. I can’t see how that’s even possible but might as well try to please for once. Today I met a new friend whose name is Robert. Robert and I are the same age. We have a lot of things in common. My parents don’t like Robert. They say he's a bad influence. Obviously, I beg to differ. Me and Robert play all the time. He says good morning every time I wake up. He's really nice. I'm not sure why my parents don’t like him. They say they’ve never met him but he has joined us for dinner plenty of times. They must really hate him to ignore him that heavily. It’s like they pretend he doesn’t exist. I’ll do whatever it takes to get them to approve of Robert.

I was pulled out of the book by the door unlocking and opening. Mac had returned with a new cup. This time it was plastic.

“Here you go tristan. Made sure this one can’t get away this time.”

“Thanks can I now continue reading?” I asked.

“No, Sir. It’s time to get some fresh air.” Mac stated. He swung the door open further than it originally was. Mac stepped aside and made a ‘you first’ gesture. I sat up from my bed and carried on outside the room. The lights outside my room always hurt my head because they were much brighter than the one in my room. I went to my usual spot in the group area which was the corner of the room with my back to the wall. I took the plastic cup and set it beside me. I removed the contents of the cup and hid them in my shoe. The corner was the only way I felt safe, knowing I could see everyone in the room at one time. Everyone was there at the same time every day. Here, everyone is molded into a routine. Solidified actions day in and day out. Nothing changes around here. It’s just the way I like it.

By chance I caught one of the other people in the room staring at me. We locked eyes in a hard stare down. Resisting the urge to blink was hard. Eventually I gave up and let my eyes go back to normal. The man staring at me didn’t look familiar. I had no idea who he was or what he was doing here. He didn’t look like the others around me. He wore different clothes than us. He seemed less in routine in comparison.

“Must be new.” I mumbled between my breath.

The twelve o’clock buzzer went which means it was time for food. The food here sucks and tastes like my moms cooking. Well, before she died. Regardless, dead or not she couldn't cook if her life depended on it. I grabbed my styrofoam plate and sat in my usual seat. We have only fifteen minutes to finish our food. Some of the guys in here don’t even eat. I’m convinced this place fucked with their heads and made them forget how to eat. The man I caught staring at me earlier showed up to where I was sitting and he sat down next to me. He didn’t say a word, just sat there staring at his food.

“Hello?” I tried to get his attention but he didn't acknowledge me. I repeated myself but this time louder.

“Tristan is everything ok?” said a man in all white.

“Yes, everything is fine, thank you.” I replied. When turned back around to face the stranger I jumped in my seat a little because to my surprise the man was leaning over the table staring directly at me not two inches away from my face.

“Want to be my friend?” the stranger whispered faintly almost as if he was pretending to be invisible and no one was allowed to hear him.

“Uh, no I prefer to be by myself most of the time.” I said quite disturbed. The stranger made me feel anxious so I got up from the table and went to go complain to Mac about him.

“Mac! This strange man came up to me and asked to be my friend. He is bothering me and I want him gone.”

“Who is bothering you?”

“He makes me anxious.” I demanded.

Mac leaned to the side to peek around me and look for the stranger at my table. Only extended for a second Mac returned with a confused look on his face.

“And where is this person seated?”

“He’s right over th-” but when I turned around to point out the stranger he was gone. “He was sitting right beside me pestering me with his odd body language and creepy manner.”

“Seems like you’re just seeing things, T.” Mac confessed.

“Yeah yeah i’ve heard it all before.” I said before returning back to my room for the afternoon solitude period. Luckily this period is a couple hours so maybe I can read some more of that book.

Entry 2,

To my surprise I found myself writing in this book again. I guess my parents were right. The only thing I don’t like about this book is that Robert hates it and wants me to get rid of it. I told him I enjoyed writing in here and he went home without saying anything. Seems to me nobody can get along with me. I hope Robert comes back soon.

Entry 3,

It is my birthday today. My parents left before I woke up to go to work. They must have forgotten what day it was. Oh well. It’s a good thing Robert showed up and spent time with me. We decided to leave the house even though my parents say I'm not allowed to. Who cares though they aren’t even here. Robert suggested we take my dog out for a walk. We went around the playground and soccer field that is near my house. After we finished our walk Robert said we should go into the forest. I thought it was a great idea considering i’ve never been there before. We walked across the field to the edge of the forest. The trees were giants compared to me and Robert. Robert looked at me then to the trees. He smiled and told me there was nothing to be afraid of because he was there. I followed Robert into the forest. We played hide and seek tag. It was fun. We were the hiders and my dog was the seeker. Eventually we got tired and sat on an old fallen tree. Me and Robert sat side by side while my dog was at our feet wagging his tail. I guess Robert hates dogs because he kept telling my dog to go away. My dog didn’t listen to Robert. My dog and my parents are like twins when it comes to Robert. This time I tried to tell my dog to go home. He didn’t listen. Robert explained that when animals don’t listen they need to be punished. He pointed to a branch that was laying on the ground beside my dog. Robert looked me in the eyes and demanded I punish my dog for disobeying. I picked up the branch and looked at Robert confused. Robert was right though. Punishment is the only way. I lifted the branch above my head and continued to strike my dog with the heavy branch until he stopped crying. My dog was dead. He was punished for not listening. Robert told me to leave my dog in the forest and to come back home with him. Robert must be hungry from all this hide and seek. Hopefully one day i’ll get a new dog that listens.

I was startled by Mac opening the door to my room.

“Quit doing that, Mac.” I pleaded. I closed the book and set it under my pillow.

“Tristan get up let’s go. It’s time for dinner.” I followed Mac to the eating area where we were being fed the exact same thing each meal everyday. I wasn’t all that hungry so I just sat in the eating area and started thinking about the book again. I wanted to know what was gonna happen next. I wondered if his parents found out or if he got away with killing his dog. Would he blame it on Robert or would he say he ran away. I stood up to go back to my room to continue reading the book.

When I got to the hallway the stranger was standing there. He had a dog on a leash almost as if it was a guard dog. I walked to get a closer look. Something was different about the dog. As I approached the stranger and his dog, they became clearer. The dog was all red.

“What’s wrong with your dog?” I asked.

“It’s blood.”

“Why is your dog covered in blood?”

“It was an accident.” replied the stranger. I’m not sure what kind of accident gets a dog all covered in blood but whatever it was there had to have been a lot of it.

“Does your dog move?”

“No”

“Why not?”

“Because he is dead.”

“Why is he dead?”

“You know why.”

“Sir, i’ve never met you or your dog before.” Our conversation was cut short by another man in white. I turned around to face him to see what he wanted.

“Charles what are you doing here and who are you speaking to?” Asked the man in all white.

“How many times do I have to say it? My name is Tristan. With a ‘t’. Not a ‘c’. But I’m talking to this stranger about his dog that he said was dead and covered in blood.” I replied. The man in white shook his head.

“Enough Tristan. Just go back to your room, dinner time is over. Lights will go out in a couple of hours, Alright?’

“But this stranger and his dog won’t let me pass.” I turned around but both the man and the dog were gone. I was shocked , frozen in place. I was baffled on how this man kept disappearing right before he’s about to get caught. The man in white grabbed my arm gently and asked if I was ok. I told him I was fine and that I just wanted to get back to my room. The man in white clothing escorted me to my room.

“Goodnight Tristan.” he said as he closed the door. Immediately, I scoured for the book that was kept under my white pillow. The feeling of pleasure once I felt the book’s weight in my hands, brought excitement to my soul. The sheer satisfaction of opening the book drew me in harder than ever. I was left on a cliffhanger, ready for the big reveal of the author’s protagonist to come clean. My finger tip grazed my tongue, slightly moistening it. I flipped the page and continued where I left off.

Entry 4,

It has been a while since i’ve written in this book. It’s also been a while since I saw my friend Robert. My parents brought me to a hospital after I told them what happened with my dog a couple months ago. They told the doctor I was delusional, and a murderer. I kept telling them it was Robert that told me to do it and that the dog did in fact have to be punished. The doctors gave me some medication. They said it would help me relax and think more clearly. I prefer writing in my book over the pills, so I threw them out and replaced them with candy that looked similar. So far it’s tricking my parents.

Entry 5,

Robert came back to visit me today. When I asked him where he went he said he wasn’t sure. Kind of odd for him to say that. How can you not know where you went for months at a time? Anyways I'm just glad he’s back. I invited him for supper to celebrate him coming home. We were having pork chops and mashed potatoes. Robert kept quiet the whole dinner. He didn’t make a sound. I kept looking over at him but he didn’t look back. I noticed my parents shaking their head at me. I asked them why and it all went downhill from there. My parents started to argue with each other and eventually with me. During the argument, I got so mad that they made me go to my room. I flipped my plate and stormed off. To top it all, I slammed the door. My dad came in the room after me and punished me for leaving the table rudely. Robert was next to me on my bed when my dad punished me and saw everything. After my dad left, Robert told me I had to punish them for what they did to me. I agreed with Robert because Robert was always right. He knows what’s best for me unlike my parents. Robert is calling me. I have to go now.

The lights went out just as I finished the page. It was time to go to sleep now. Unfortunately I have a hard time sleeping. The vast emptiness of sleep and being unaware of your surroundings frightens me. It’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Not knowing what a dream was like. It’s funny though when I first got to this place I had no problem falling asleep. I think they were drugging me which is my reason for never consuming what was in the styrofoam cups. I, for the life of me, can’t seem to recall when I first got here. It feels like forever. Years I know for sure but how many? I could ask one of the men in white. Surely they would know. I’d have to wait until morning when Mac opens up my room.

The night had passed and I was waiting eagerly for Mac to make his way over to my room so I could ask him the question that has been troubling my mind all night. Sure enough, Mac opened the door but wasn’t expecting me to be waiting so close. It startled him.

“Jeez T, scared me half to death.”

“Listen I have a question. How long have I been here?”

“You came here in eighty-three.”

“1983?” I asked.

“Yes. 1983.”

“Ok, that was all.” Mac proceeded with the daily routine check up and handed me the styrofoam cup. As usual I took the cup and made my way to the eating area.

Once I made it to the eating area I took my spot and sat there. I had no desire to eat today. I took the styrofoam cup contents, mixed them in my food, and threw the food out. I started my way back to my room to be alone and continue reading the book.

Entry 6,

Robert was right. My parents had to be punished. This time Robert had a new idea. He told me to go find any container that had a flame on it. I grabbed a couple bottles that read ‘WD-40’ from the cleaning cupboard and butane lighter fluid from the drawer beside the fridge. I made sure they had a flame on it otherwise Robert would punish me for messing up. After I came back inside Robert said to punish my parents by spraying the couch with the ‘WD-40’ and dumping the butane lighter fluid onto the rug in the family room. It smelled horrible. It was starting to give me a headache. Next Robert pointed to a lighter that was next to the ashtray. I picked up the shiny metal lighter, flipped it open and lit it.

“Now drop it.” That was the last thing I heard before the living room was on fire and started to spread. During the fire when I was trying to get out of the house, my shirt caught fire. I ran outside screaming because my arm was getting really hot and burning. A neighbour saw the smoke and came running to help. She swatted the fire down on my arm and called someone on her phone. After a while a fire truck came to my house to put out the fire. It was cool to see the fire fighters use the big hose to put out the fire. They stopped the fire shortly after getting here. One of the firefighters asked how the fire started and I told them me and Robert wanted to punish my parents so we burned down the house. I got into a lot of trouble by the firefighter. But it wasn’t him who punished me.

The door to my room opened once again interrupting my book.

“What do you want I’m busy reading.”

“T, it’s time for some fresh air.”

“Alright but promise me I can keep reading when the free recreation period is over.”

“I promise. Now let’s get a move on.” I waited til he turned around and put the book in my waistband. I followed him outside my room. In the hallway that leads to my corner, I looked out the window. As I passed, I saw that stranger from before standing across the street. I stopped to study what he was doing. He was staring at me. He knew exactly where I was before I even got to the window. Just before I was about to walk away, the stranger also turned around and started walking towards the house. I was curious to what he was up to so I watched. He headed towards a blue house. I didn’t think much other than he must live there. That’s got to be where he runs off to before he gets noticed by the men in white. Surely enough, he got to the front porch and entered the house. The stranger then, from inside the house, opened the curtains to a main room. There he stood staring at me again. He reached into his pocket. He pulled out a small object that gave a faint glow. Suddenly, the glow disappeared. The room the man was standing in erupted in flames. The man stood still while the house burned around him.

“What are you looking at Mr. Smith?” Asked a man in white.

“If you must know. A burning house with a man inside.” The man in white rushed over to the window in panic. He pushed me aside and looked for himself. He left the window and ran to get help. I returned to the window to see the house still on fire but the stranger was gone. Soon enough I heard sirens approaching and two fire trucks stopped in front of the house.

I watched them put out the fire then went on my way. I pulled out the book when I got to my corner and began to read.

Entry 7,

When my parents came home to their house burned down I was sent away to a new home. I didn’t know where I was going. I hope that my new parents weren’t like my old ones.

Entry 8,

I don’t like it here. I'm in a place with lots of other kids. Some are older and some are younger. I was relieved to see Robert here though. He seems to make things better when I need them to. Always perfect timing. Whenever I’m troubled, upset, worrying, scared, or mad he shows up. I'm glad I have a friend like him. I don’t know what I’d do without him. I walked up to Robert and asked what he was doing here. He said that he was here to hurt me if I didn’t go back home and properly punish my parents. I didn’t want to get hurt by Robert so I listened. While my new parents were out of the room I snuck out the front door. I was in a place I’ve never been. I didn’t like it. The new surroundings and unfamiliarities frightened me. I waved to a taxi. I saw people in movies doing it to get home. The man stopped the car and let me in. He asked me what a kid my age was doing alone. I told him I was lost and needed to get home. I told him my address and he said it wasn’t too far and wouldn’t mind helping. Robert sat in the back seat and explained how we were going to punish my parents. It was a brilliant idea.

Entry 9,

We made it back to my old house where my old parents live. I thanked the driver for his help and he went on his way. My old parent’s cars weren’t in the driveway so they were at work. I walked up to the front door and lifted the welcome mat that hid the spare key. I got inside and waited for my parents to come home at four o’clock. The clock in the living room was at three. I had to ask Robert what the plan for punishment was again because I forgot. He pointed to the kitchen. I went into the kitch and reached for the drawer where the forks and spoons were. I pulled the drawer all the way out to reach the knives. After grabbing one of them, I Went up the stairs to the second floor. My old parents room was across the hallway from my old room. I opened the door to my old room but it was empty. They took everything out. Exiting my old room towards my parents, I could feel the knife sitting big in my hands. It was very shiny. In the meantime I’m going to play hide and seek with Robert until my old parents come back.

Chapter 3: The Harmony of Red and White

Entry 10,

I did it. I punished my parents properly. Robert was so happy. The plan couldn’t have gone any better. Robert is so smart. I would have never thought about waiting til they were asleep before cutting their throats. They deserved it for everything they've done to me and Robert. They are gone now. I don’t feel any different now that they are gone but it felt good to punish them. More than it did to punish my dog.

The bell rang which meant the free recreation period was over. Mac came to greet me at my corner.

“Tristan. Fresh air is over. Time to get back to your room.”

“I’m busy reading the book, give me a second.”

“Don’t make me take the book away.”

“You can’t steal it from me. It's mine. Not yours.” Just as I finished Mac ripped the book out of my hands.

“I’m taking this book back. It's making you go out of line. You're seeing things, you're out of routine. I'm sorry Tristan but it isn’t doing anything good. If anything It’s worsening.” I stood up from my corner. I could feel the rage boiling up. He stole my book. I wasn’t just gonna let him take it. Mac turned away and started walking to the room where the men in white go. I noticed the stranger standing in the crowd of the other people in the fresh air space. He was staring at me. Deep into my soul kind of stare. I felt the rage boiling even hotter and I could hear his voice in my head.

“Punish him.” echoed in my head. The stranger never spoke, but I heard him. I heard him loud and clear. After all, Mac did need to be punished. The book was right all along. If I punish Mac I’ll get the book back.

“Kill him. Or lose the book forever.” I could hear my own voice this time. I was gonna lose the book forever if Mac took it to the room where all the white clothed people go. I had to act fast as he was almost at the door. I reached swiftly for a plastic spoon that was on a food tray. I snapped the scoop part off to create a sharp plastic shiv. I lunged toward Mac and plunged the broken plastic spoon into his neck. Pulled it out and did it again. I did until my clothes were covered in blood. I grabbed the book and ran to my room. Down the hallway I sprinted. Slamming the door behind me. I pushed my bed against the door so no one could get in. I pulled out the now bloody book and began where I left off.

Entry 11,

It has been days since I killed my parents. The smell is horrible. I tried to clean it up before I puked from the smell. I don’t know how to clean things so I gave up. I couldn’t get the water running to wash my hands off so I wiped them off on my shirt. I put the knife in the sink because that’s where my old parents put dirty dishes. Someone is knocking on the door. I hope it’s Robert. I opened up the door to two tall men in a blue suit. They asked if my parents were home and I said yes. I let them in the house and showed the men where my old parents were. When we got to my old parents bedroom where they were sleeping, one of the men pulled out a walky talky and said there were two victims and to bring an ambulance. I told them it was too late. They couldn’t save them. I explained how me and Robert killed them as punishment. The men asked me where Robert was. I told them I haven’t seen him in days. The men said they had to take me somewhere. I asked if I could bring the book and they said yes. I wondered where I was going. They brought me outside and put me in the back seat of their car. There were bars in between the front and back seats. I’ve never been in a car like this before. I feel afraid. Locked up. I want to get out. I want to see Robert. The men said they needed the book for evidence. So I’ll end it here for now. Sincerely Charles Smith. September 14 1983.

This was the end of the book. I finished it. I noticed there were still some pages left. I decided to add on. Besides, I’m going to be in here alone for a while. I don’t want to be bothered by the men in white. How smart can doctors really be anyway. Not smart enough to figure out how to open a door that's fortified with my bed.

The room was silent. The white bed, with white pillows in a room with white walls, was absolutely silent. Time had passed. Everything was still. No noise, no company, just the emptiness in my head. Where do I begin? I'll start with something simple, something truthful, something real.

Entry 12,

The echo of pure silence inside my head is deafening. I can’t stand the monotonous hum my brain creates to drown out the emptiness. I fear my sanity is being jeopardized at every imaginary tick of a second hand going around a clock. I begin to beg to the force that controls time, to make it tick faster until my true consciousness awakes once again. So begins a new chapter in the life of Charles Smith. June 5, 2004.

When I looked up after writing in the book I noticed the stranger. He was in the corner.

“I told you I don’t like you writing in that book.”

“Robert?” I asked with denial.

“You have to be punished for not listening to me. Take your own life or the men in white will.” Robert explained.

I grasped the plastic shiv firmly. Still bloody, I forced the shiv into my neck. The pain was horrible. I had to because Robert was always right. Robert knows me best. I collapsed to the floor. I heard a ticking noise like a clock. My blood painted the white floor like a fresh canvas. I could feel my life ticking away with every litre of blood escaping my body. My eyes started to slowly drift together. The last thing I wanted to see was Robert. But, he was gone and so was the ticking noise.

“Peace in sanity at last. I thought I’d never escape this wack shack.” I thought to myself. My shirt was now all covered in blood. I laid there lifeless with the book half under me, finally punished for all my wrong doings. True silence at last.