Creepy Creatures and Myths #6: Axe Handle Hound
It might make a good pet...too bad it doesn't frickin' exist!
The Axehandle Hound is a "fearsome critter" of Minnesota and Wisconsin that resembles a dog with an ax-like body. Basically, it has a head shaped like an ax blade and, because it's awesome, it's said to have a diet consisting of ax handles.
“ F E A R S O M E C R I T T E R S ”
Let's face it: The Axehandle Hound is one of the less believable "fearsome critters" out there. That's not to say there aren't even harder to believe tall-tales, but this one's pretty steep. So, in cases like this, I especially like to think of such creatures in terms of character inspiration. To begin with, fearsome critters are generally considered less serious than cryptids like Bigfoot or Nessie. The Axehandle Hound seems especially far-fetched because it has a head that looks like, well, an ax blade, and, of course, it also eats ax handles. Basically, it's something even the most naïve people might disbelieve, including children.
However, what I like about the Axehandle Hound is that, among lumberjack tales, this is one of the wackiest, lumberjack-iest ones out there. It would be a bit like me (because I'm of Finnish extraction) concocting a tale about gnomes who live under the stones used in saunas, or something like that. Merely by thinking about the mythic creature, one can be mentally transported a bit to the forest, and catch a vague, faint glimpse of lumberjack life, without even knowing the general layout of the woodlands.
Hell, it's almost an outwardly inviting myth, like a way to make the lumberjack profession seem fun. Still, of course, there's something also messed up about the Axehandle Hound's appearance, which also suggests an element of danger and excitement to the profession. Furthermore, let's not forget the Axhandle Hound is a myth of Minnesota and Wisconsin. Even though it's completely made up. it does add a bit of flavor to these places (one can almost taste the iron).
How the Tourist Industry Could Cash In...and Other Business Ideas
Reading up on this little myth, I can't help but think of ways local tourism could benefit from it. There's already a Minnesota campground called Ax-Handle Hound, but why not have an Axhandle Hound Day in some quaint little Midwestern town? The kids could get in on it, obviously. Maybe have a dumb little quest to collect harmless plastic ax handles or something like that. They can collect all they can carry in their little arms, and maybe win prizes, apples, or whatever the hell the village wants.
It's also implied that these creatures are potentially dangerous. After all, they eat ax handles and have ax handle-shaped heads. Maybe I'm too much of a horror fan, but I see some definite horror story potential here. In fact, people are already scared of hammerhead sharks, but I keep hearing those things are actually mostly harmless.
Or, hey, maybe an Axehandle Hound would make for a pet, Gizmo-style. Don't feed those hounds ax handles after midnight! Then, of course, people can pick apart the logic, such as what types of axehandles they can eat, and whether or not they must be in the shape of ax handles to be consumed. You know, that sort of nerdy mythological hubbub
Also, like I just implied, the Axehandle Hound and the hammerhead shark almost share an aesthetic. Is there crossover potential there? Sure, why not? I'm not saying they can be mistaken for each other easily, but could they somehow get in a fight in a movie? Maybe. I'm not saying it would be a good movie that millions would show up to see, but my point is simple: There is a ton of unexplored potential in a lot of these lesser-known animal myths.
Also, because the Axehandle Hound is less realistic than many other mythic creatures, it's less like you're stealing the thunder from some awesome, cherished legend. Frankly, I doubt anyone would care about anyone defiling the sacred tale of the incredible Axehandle Hound. Then again, Marvel has totally pranced all over things like the mythology of Thor and Loki, and no one seems to care about that. So this sort of stuff definitely seems fair game.
Additional sources? This video is cute.
About the Creator
Wade Wainio
Wade Wainio writes stuff for Pophorror.com, Vents Magazine and his podcast called Critical Wade Theory. He is also an artist, musician and college radio DJ for WMTU 91.9 FM Houghton.
Keep reading
More stories from Wade Wainio and writers in Horror and other communities.
Creepy Creatures and Myths #5: What the Hell is an 'Agropelter'?
What the hell is an Agropelter? Well, it's a "fearsome critter." What is one of those? It's apparently a step below the standard cryptid, as people seem less inclined to believe so-called fearsome critters actually exist. Indeed, the Agropelter seems to match that category, as it is apparently a tall tale linked to lumberjack lore. Basically, an Agropelter is an ape-like creature with long, whiplike arms that can throw logs (and presumably sticks and rocks) at any people who piss it off. In other words, if you could somehow meet an Agropelter, you'd better run quick or come equipped with an Agropelter-repellant. They don't call them fearsome critters for nothing!
By Wade Wainio5 years ago in Horror
The Dryads are Calling
They say the forest by Phoenix River sings. Perhaps it is just the wind howling through the leaves, or a particular birdsong. But Percy Fisher knows better; he knows what lies in those woods, and he knows that the forest sings of his demise.
By Leigh Hooperabout 20 hours ago in Fiction
Comments (1)
So there is a funny basis for this story. Apparently, if you leave an axe out, especially overnight, there is a good chance you will find the handle gone in the morning. This isn't because of hounds or handle thieves, but porcupines! Porcupines love to eat salt and they love to eat wood. After a hard day of sweaty work chopping down trees, a lumberjack's wooden axe handle was saturated with salty sweat, making it irresistible to any passing porcupine. They would make short work of it, and, when the lumberjack came back, their axe would be short one handle. Now, obviously you have to come up with a story for all these missing axe handles, and the axe handle hound is a cute one, so that was the one they picked. But yes, there is a real inspiration for the myth.