Clarty Pete

Reet there hinny, rest yersel,

I need to warn yas aboot Clarty Pete.

This gadgee has come straight from hell

With his dorty hands and his honkin feet

He waaks aroond along the Tyne

Aal lookin sad and lost and that

But when yas gan and try to help

He’ll bray yas then the nasty twat

And then he’ll tie you to his belt

And with a muckle springy leap

Yas both gan faalin doon full pelt

Into the Tyne for yous to sleep

So divvnt fall for all his tricks

And waak away next time yas oot

From anyone who looks a state

Cos ya naa that Clarty Petes aboot

People ask about his lie

About his rotten wretched fettle

Why he wants them aal to die

Al tell you why reet now me petal

He worked the quayside humpin coal

A dorty kind of stevedore

Workin for a nasty soul

With working motto, “more is more”

Pete, he liked to drink the dog

Like aal us boys he glugged the broon

But what gans in will sometimes clog

Next day yall find it all comes doon

After one reet mortal night

Pete’s guts went loose while on the jetty

He put up an almighty fight

But really needed to use the netty

He telt hees boss but he went radgee

Makin really nasty threats

This waster, a godaaful gadgee

Had all his men in all his debts

But Pete was done and couldn’t wait

He dropped his keks and squatted doon

Right on the edge he sealed his fate

His boss then smacked him on the croon

And he fell in the dorty Tyne

And drooned in all the mud and clart

And now he’s back from time to time

So watch yas back and please be smart.