//:begin transmission

//:begin transmission

Breathing.

How am I breathing? I can't remember the last time that I tasted the air. Where am I? How have I come to be here? I can feel something in my hand but I can't feel my fingers.

She slowly lifted her arm so that she held it in front of her face. It was small and made of metal, scratched as metal things are when scraped by other metal things. A memory danced within her mind as she stared, a mind that had once been flesh but was now something else. Absently her fingers worked to open the little heart of metal despite that she couldn’t feel more than pressure, scraping across the surface as they had many times before, to reveal an image of a smiling girl and a darkened place where an image once was but it was already lost though not forgotten.

The picture was faded, so old, even though it was a reproduction of what had been there. She still had that: her girl, her daughter.

"Mom? Hey mom? Mom!"

Surely she was hearing things. It was as if the image in the locket had summoned the child who smiled from within it. The scramble of feet across uneven ground told her otherwise but she didn't believe until the incarnation of that child was kneeling over her. Things were different and things were the same. The face was recognizable, the color of the eyes, but the hair was long flowing black instead of the soft brown that curled into red gold like when she had been only human.

"Mom, what happened? Why did you leave the house? I made sure it was protected."

"We went for a walk in the woods."

"Mom, there aren't any trees here. What are you talking about? Where's Vincent?"

The name brings back so many memories: touch, gentleness, hesitation, a soft accented voice, and so much laughter. Hours of time creating the very shells that became what we were. The first sound of metal on metal and the recoil of a hand that finally fit but couldn't feel. I remember smiling, staring up into those dark eyes and saying that it was ok. It was the first scratch, the first sign of wear on a new body that couldn't feel the warmth of touch, only the pressure of it, but could remember everything. No more overheating, no more headaches, no more need for sleep even though we couldn't break the habit of saying goodnight and laying down. Metal was safety, comfort, eternity where we could create… but something happened.

Blame. We were blamed because all that we wanted was to be left alone. The few of us who existed beyond humanity were happy, finally free. He was free.

"He's gone. They're all gone."

“What? What Happened...”

“We were out, we went for a walk in the woods but when we came back… burning. It was some kind of EMP, something new. They knew we had the animals, the food. They knew that we would help but they wanted what we had, not our help. Now there is nothing. Nothing. He said that he wasn’t a protector but… he saw that it was gone and he knew that they were waiting for us. We didn’t have time…”

The memory of fingers that knew how the flesh had felt and a touch so gentle to a face that no longer had the ability to cry. Words in a soft accented voice and one last smile. Lifetimes shared, so many lifetimes shared and the soft promise that flesh would find flesh again. ‘I’ll see you in another life… my queen.’ then nothing… stillness. No more light in dark eyes. No more gentle scrape of metal on metal over places worn shiny from repeated touch like illuminated patterns in the dark, like the warmth of fingers that lingered for so long that their absence was painful. In another life we will meet again...

How can I explain that I watched him die and I couldn’t even mourn him, that in the end he had put himself between me and whatever weapon they had because he knew that it was all gone and I was the only one who could reach you. How can I explain that they were coming because they wanted what I was, what he was if he hadn’t been damaged by the blast. They wanted the shell that we had created and not the ability to survive in the world that they had ruined. I remember how beautiful it had been and how it came to be that we were one of the few people who had food, who had water, and animals. I remember that they had tried to come before and we had offered help, but not to give it all. We just wanted to be left alone. They had destroyed the world but we had saved a part of it for ourselves, even as the rest of it had burned. How could they? How dare they! Perhaps that’s why I never felt like I was human… even when I was.

“...they are coming, Izzy.”

“Mom, when was the last time you backed up?”

“He and I didn’t… one life Izzy. One long life. We couldn’t dream after we backed up the first time so we both reverted back and never did again. You will have some of the others but the three of us never backed up.”

A new memory. I will never forget the look of horror upon my daughter’s face when she realized that I was about to die. It had never occurred to her that I could, that I would. She had traveled so far. She walked the many planes of existence as though it was a simple trail up a hill instead of what the reality of crossing the many worlds was. She had been looking for our home. She had never believed that we were only human or only machine. She knew that there was no way that what they were and what we are were ever the same. She couldn’t bear it. My beautiful daughter had learned so many things and made so many miracles. She was different even from us as she had the key to the many worlds built into her so that it couldn’t be taken.

“Why? Why didn’t you back up? Why?”

The woman shook her head because she understood that they both already knew why. You can’t have nightmares if you can’t dream. You can’t have hope and joy if you lose the things that you were. You can’t understand what you have if you can’t remember what people have taken from you. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is immortal.

“I’ll kill them all. You only wanted to be left alone.”

“No, Izzy. Leave them, just leave, it’s not worth it.”

A sound, like the ripping of the air as pieces of hair as black as the night fall to the ground. The girl understands what the woman has said but still sits motionless, as the strands coil upon rock and scorched earth. Slowly she rises, smiling one last time, just as he did, and turns.

She’s so beautiful even as she begins to ascend. So many memories, so much laughter between all of us, but all that’s left are the marks that others leave. All that is left is rage and pain and the regret of not being able to say goodbye.

It is an action I have felt many times but never seen. I watch her as she rises before me on wings of fire, fire that scorches the picture I hold within my fingers. The metal heart is empty. I watch as her wings expand and the hum of energy shakes the earth beneath my body. In another life… we will meet… again.

//:transmission end