A Guide to Successful Deterioration

A Guide to Successful Deterioration

By: C.F. Costa

It was just another average day thought Malachi laying back in his bed as the clock struck 2 and the world was beautiful, dark and peaceful around him. Now please do not start thinking this is the start of some revised ancient fairy tale where the main characters life will suddenly change for the better after some impossible set of actions go off well impossibly perfectly... it isn't.

See Malachi was not really the type that stood out in any way, and I don't mean in a public point of view. Even in his own mind Malachi was as ordinary as the sun rising every day and while for others that signified getting up grabbing the world by its throat and living their lives to their fullest. Malachi was absolutely content with normal and loved that every day was exactly as the last. You see Malachi lived out thousands of lives through his books, so much so that you know when you where a kid staring out the window of car and you’d picture a little person running along through the landscape with you. Well Malachi still did this even while just walking down an average street he’d picture ninja’s coming out of the bushes for an epic battle or while staring out a window at an uneventful garden, he’d imagine different color gnomes having an all out battle for the front yard.

Malachi also loved to walk, he went on lengthy excursions threw out his whole city just to find new places to sit back relax and read his newest life.

On of those routine walks through his city he decided to stop by the library and while he was walking around outside he saw a box of books laying right in front of the outdoor book return box. People usually left them there as donations for the library but it looked like it was about to rain so he thought he'd pick it up and put it in the box before they got ruined. As he picked it up he noticed that there was one book that was extremely old, it wasn’t in bad condition or anything but he's only ever seen cover bindings like this in museums. The book was being held together by black silk bindings and all that was written in the front was 'Gradibus ad Gloriam’. He was definitely intrigued so he opened it up and although he couldn't understand a word, this was definitely one of the most interesting books he's ever seen and he was dying to read it. And so he thought although he would never steal what would be the harm of borrowing it for a little while and putting it back in the book return box in a few days… and he did exactly that.

When he got home he actually just through it aside with his stuff and carried along as if it wasn’t even there for weeks, I mean it was in some unknown language. The next few weeks were also actually quite good for Malachi, he finished books at lightning fast new paces and seemed to retain a lot of the information much better. (Example of odd memory). So much so that he actually went through all of his reserve book stash. The last one there was that odd old leather back he found at the library and he finally felt quite guilty for not returning it and decided to give it a whirl.

‘Gradibus ad Gloriam’ …. What the hell could that mean he though as he picked it up you smelling that very old papia paper smack that finally smacked him in the face as soon as he opened it. As he flipped through the pages he couldn’t understand a word they said, although he noticed that on the back of the front cover blurb there was quite a few elegant signatures with dates that stretched back to 899 and there was even a few before that where in what looked like an extremely ancient language. There were even quite a few of the same or similar family names signed which was incredible thought Malachi as it implied it was passed down through generations and most hold something of real importance in it. He was now more determined then ever to figure out it’s contents. At the top of all these signatures in the back front blurb, it wrote in what seemed like by feature “ Statum nomen tuum super hanc felicitatem corium et fimum burgeoning Tee sequentur. Non solum iis malintent distruction caute ambulet.”. He remembered in a similar book he read the work Statum or State which was Latin, aha! He thought as he could now translate it. So he took out his phone and typed in the text….

“State your name upon this hide and burgeoning prosperity will follow tee. Caution be to those with malintent as only destruction will follow.”

What the heck could that mean thought Malachi. It was obvious that it was asking to state or write his name as all those did previously and he guessed this was made out of some type of cow hide or something. What the heck does burgeoning prosperity mean and what kind of caution could come from a book! Haha. He figured it was some type of code of conduct that was handed down from generation to generation and that there was a caution to all those that didn’t follow it, as its some type of bad etiquette or something. That’s when he thought HEY! I wonder what the Book Title means as he typed in Gradibus ad Gloriam . “steps to glory” Interesting he thought.

What was weird however was that all of the rest of the pages where in some other language. It actually seemed like Russian…. When he tried to translate it wrote “ Beware the successful secrets of Onions”. How interesting he thought, well this would take forever to translate, probably better off to do when I have a few days off. Luckily he had a small vacation coming up next week. So he signed his name and put it away.

Throughout the next 2 weeks odd occurrences started occurring all around Malachi. It was like everything in his life was finally going amazing. Scratch that better then amazing…. It was like he was living in a dream, or one of those music videos from the 90’s where everything just goes serendipitously. The next day back at work he received an unexpected promotion to one of the easiest departments at his company with a 50% hourly pay wage! Then on his way home that night a random dog just ran up to him and wouldn’t leave him be. The dog obviously had a home as it was well groomed and clean but there was no collar and when he called animal services and they flat out said we’re too busy and can only be there in 3-4 hours. Malachi was obviously in a great mood because of his promotion so he decided to just hang out with his new little friend until they showed up. While he was giving him treats the most beautiful girl he ever saw starting walking towards them with the biggest smile. He thought someone was standing behind him as girls have never really paid attention to him but she walked straight up to him and gave him the best hug he ever received. He was in a state of pure euphoria at this point and he thought I must be dreaming but it turns out that it was her dog and she had been looking for it for hours. She was so relieved and grateful that she invited Malachi over for a coffee and they had the most invigorating conversation, it was as if they knew each other their entire lives and she must have felt the same way as she boldly asked him out on the spot and they now had a date for the week after.

2 weeks came and went, and he finally decided to try and translate the book. But to his utter amazement when he opened the book this time there was a bunch of writing in it, in ENGLISH! And it wasn’t just any writing it was page after page of a detailed description of Malachi’s life and how to become successful. There was even what seemed to be the latest lottery numbers with a message stating to play them that week. After the initial shock of what he saw he broke into hysterical laughter as he was sure someone was messing with him. But who could it be? The only person with the keys to his apartment was his parents and ohh yeaahh his brothers. It must be them, he thought while a conniving smile filled his face. He proceeded to conjure dozens of plans to get them back and they all began with him going along with the joke and making them think he was being fooled. He would then try and gather more information to attempt to get his brothers in their own plot. So he went and bought a lottery ticket and held it out if full display while visiting his family so they would be assured he was playing along. But they didn’t say a word when he was there, so he decided to look through his brothers pc’s to dig for more details but he couldn’t find a thing.

The second step in the book was to apply for a government position for which he thought yeah anyways not my thing and just moved on. The first days of his vacation where well surreal for Malachi, he spent almost all of them with Dina (the girl he met) and it was like the world was now emitting a pink shade all over. He had never been this happy in his life and as you could figure he didn’t open the ‘prank’ book at all. The last few days of his vacation however Dina was quite busy, so he just stayed home basking in his out of this world pure happiness. While doing so (and daydreaming about how his and Dina’s kids would look) he heard a loud bang, so loud he thought the roof caved in but when he looked around the only thing, he found out of place was the book on the floor. I must be dreaming he thought but eh I have time to spare let’s indulge my brothers and continue with the book. What he saw when he opened it however shocked him.

The writing inside had been changed and the first step on the book now said, ‘Verify Lottery Ticket’ and the next referred to a job application which once again was for the government. What the actual F*** thought Malachi as he looked around to see if anything else was out of place (once again thinking he was dreaming). He figured his bro’s must have bought a similar book and wrote new sentences to play with him further. Haha they won’t get me so easily he thought as he took out his phone to verify this week’s lottery numbers. WHHHATT THEE HELLL they were the same numbers as in the book!?! How could this be…. Wait were those written after the draw, they must have been. That or his brothers messed with his computer. There is absolutely no way they could trick the convenience store thought Malachi as he put on his coat and headed out to some far away store that they couldn’t possibly guess he would go to.

On his way his thoughts were filled with the joy of possibly winning and traveling the world with Dina. When he got to the store, he picked a few snacks and almost forgot why he was there while paying but unaware that his life would be changed for good, asked the clerk to verify his ticket. What happened next is still blurry to Malachi, the clerks face turned pale, Lights started flashing on the lottery machine and people wouldn’t stop screaming and hugging Malachi, it took almost an hour before he composed himself and realized he has just won 70 Million Dollars!

A chill went down his spine…. This is impossible! He ran home to check the book and to his amazement the line stating to check the lottery ticket was gone but there was still the one telling him to apply for that Government Job. There was also numerous new writing that Malachi was still too much in shock to read. He flipped through the book in a trance as he noticed that he could now read most of the signatures on the front for which he recognized a few….

- George W Bush Jr.

- George Bush Sr

- John F Kennedy

- Franklin D. Roosevelt

- Adolf Hitler

- Nikolai II Alexandrovich Romanov

Could this really be a book to success? Wait what Hitler?

Little did he know this was just the start of Malachi’s marvelous story.

To Be Continued…