Fate, Faith, Love, Freedom

Dearest Pauline,

Forgive me, for being so embolden as to write to you, but my heart cannot bear the thought of never seeing you again.

For ten years, now, I have watched you grow – as you have me. I cannot imagine life without you!

I have always tended the gardens underneath your window with the utmost care - knowing that your eyes will gaze upon them - every petal made perfect, by your sight, every fragrance, sweetened by your presence.

Although Fate has thrust me into this low station, I trust you are aware of my more-fortunate childhood. Like you, I once had a tutor; before my parents demise, I too was learnèd.

More than anyone in this place, it is your gaze which has transfixed me… for I see your heart is pure.

If you would entertain the offer of my hand in marriage, I would be forever in your service, and grateful to God’s mercy. I beg of you to, please, consider it. A life of service to the church is a worthy dedication, but so is a divine union when it is in the service of the Lord and full of Love. I promise to forever be your faithful husband and love you dearly, should you mercifully grant me your hand.

Belovedly yours,

Étienne

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Dear Étienne,

Though my heart trembles, as I write to you, it also skips a beat with excitement. The joys inside me has been multiplied, by the beauty of your words!

Alas, I believe I should follow my father’s command, and enter the church, soon enough. It is not what I would choose, but what has been chosen for me… and, as a faithful servant of the Lord, I must do what is right and just, and follow in His way.

I cannot say, though, that it is not true that I haven’t thought of you – longed for you, rather - in such ways as you have proposed to me in your poignant letter.

Although my heart might flutter, at the thought of being betrothed to you and someday being joined with you in holy matrimony, I fear that my father would prefer the callings of my heart to be directed toward other matters. And he would never forgive me, were I to take-up with a gardener! I should properly and thoroughly be disowned!

Come to me, tomorrow night, my dear, in the moonlight... as I have matters of the heart to discuss.

Wait for me, after dusk has darkened the western sky, behind the hedge by fifth pond.

Your admirer,

Pauline

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My dearest Pauline,

I was delighted by your invitation to meet at fifth pond, this evening.

I can only say that my heart is aching to meet, even more now, as I know your own heart is also fluttering.

Alas! I am being sent out, this very evening, on your father's orders, to secure a new carriage for your departure on Saturday.

It is my hope that I can see you, before I take my leave. Could you please meet me behind the fountain, after dinner? I have an urgent matter to discuss.

Your faithful servant,

Étienne

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My dearest Étienne,

I can still feel your arms around me, and my body trembles with excitement.

When you asked me to come with you, this evening, to fetch the carriage… and run away together… my heart skipped a beat and my mind began to whirl.

To where shall we run? I know you have been wracking your brain, also, with all the details which must be sorted. It is all happening so fast! My mind is spinning. And I am trying my best not to tell a soul! I fear that, wherever we run, they shall find us!

If father were to find us… but I dare not think of it. I know that a life as a nun is no longer for me. As long as I have you, my life will be complete.

I am frightened, to come with you, tonight, but, I must try - for the alternative of never having this opportunity again, to be joined with you, is not one I wish to entertain.

I have so many worries. How will you hide me...? But, I will show great courage, for I know that your love will support me, and God's love will watch over us both.

I will bring some silverware, for us to sell. I hope we can flee, far from here. My father’s reach is further than we may realize.

Your faithful love,

- Pauline

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My darling Pauline,

Dearest, why did you not come to me, last night, as we had planned? My heart is broken!!

Please, place some thyme on your window ledge, if you still think of me fondly. I can no longer bare this silence between us!

In sorrowful abjection,

- Étienne

P.S. I must see you again!!!

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Dearest Étienne,

I am sorry, my dear. My unfortunate absence, last evening, was caused by meeting my Mother, as I was attempting to slip out, to join you. She felt unwell, and was pacing the hallways. She didn’t suspect anything; I told her a story of having been cold and a little bit ill. She stayed with me, while Hilda brought us both some tea. I tried to reassure her that I was well-healed, but Mother kept me company much longer than I expected. Sorrowfully, this hindrance could not have been prevented. Alas, I knew you had to leave, before too long. I so wanted to depart, with you, but her presence prevented me!

I am orchestrating another arrangement. I will ask Father for his permission for me to visit the Hillans, the day before my departure to the convent. I will ask if you could accompany me. He may be agreeable, as my governess is no longer with us, and Fred will be busy preparing for father's upcoming visitors.

What think you, of this plan?

Yours, very lovingly and sincerely,

- Pauline

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My darling Pauline,

What do I think, when the sun shines through the clouds again? How can I describe my elation, when you revealed that you still think lovingly on me? Words cannot describe my relief, nor my utmost adoration for you! I will never cease to thank the heavens for the mercy of your returned affections!

I have some savings tucked away. And I know of a vicar in Shoreham who will marry us.

If we must take a ship, overseas, I hope you will understand the urgency of such an arrangement. It shall be of the utmost importance to put distance between ourselves and your father. I cannot risk losing you - neither to the church nor to anyone else.

Only when you are mine, alone, will we finally have the joy which we both long for.

Your eternal servant and love,

- Étienne

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My dearest Étienne,

I placed a rose on the fountain, to remind you of my undying love and devotion.

I have collected together some valuables and have sewn them into my petticoat.

Wherever our lives take us, I will blindly follow you, for my heart is in your hands.

During the 10 years you have worked here for Father, I have known you to be a trustworthy, smart, and devoted man. I trust that the Lord will lead us to a bountiful life, in holy union.

Until Friday, and freedom to join our hearts eternally,

- Your Pauline