A Girl's Life (1800): The Game

Can’t choose a profession? Allow fate to choose for you. We’re going to play a game: all you need is a coin and a thumb. You’re about to be born an average, working-class girl in Great Britain in the year 1800. Let’s find out how life would have gone for you.

1. Do you survive your birth?

Heads: Congratulations, you’ve made it out of the womb alive. Your mother may or may not have been so lucky during the process, but this is your game, not hers.

Tails: Oh no, out in the first round. Try again in another lifetime.

2. Do your parents do their best to keep you alive?

Heads: Lucky you, you’ve got loving parents who can afford to feed and clothe you. You’re a girl, which isn’t great, but you’ll help look after the other children and, as soon as you’re old enough, you’ll be put to work.

Tails: Uh-oh. Your mother is unmarried and the social shame would ruin her. There is no possible way she can keep you. You’ve been abandoned under a bridge by the river. Better luck next time.

3. Do you make it to five years old?

Heads: Now, don’t you have a strong constitution! About one-third of children didn’t reach the grand old age of five in 1800, so you’re doing well. Keep going!

Tails: Oh dear. You’ve caught an infection. It’s a shame that nobody really knows what caused it or how to treat it. After a brief and painful illness, you succumb. It’s game over.

4. Will you receive some sort of education?

Heads: Don’t be silly! You’re a girl! Why waste an education on a girl?

Tails: Don’t be silly! You’re a girl! Why waste an education on a girl?

5. Do you live in the countryside?

Heads: Ooh, you’re a country lass. You lucky thing to live in England’s green and pleasant land! The fresh air and rural life are good for you, and you can toil away with your family on a small patch of land to grow some vegetables. Maybe, if you’re very fortunate, you’ll even have a chicken. Go ahead to life path A.

Tails: Hmm, a city girl. We’re smack-bang in the middle of the Industrial Revolution, so there’ll be lots of jobs around, but also lots of smog and disease. You’ll be crammed into a terraced house with far too many people in one room. Your health will never be great, you’ll probably have a permanent cough, you’ll always be itching from the lice, and you’ll constantly be a bit grimy, but you’re still in the game. For now. Go to life path B.

A: The Country Life

6. You’re 10 now. That’s old enough to find paid employment! Do you find a good job?

Heads: You’ve been employed as a scullery maid at the local manor house. It’ll be hard work, but not back-breaking or dangerous. You’ll be inside all day, sheltered from the infamous English weather. You’ll get food and a uniform. You’ll live in a fancy house, on a beautiful estate, up in a little attic room you have to share with only one other person! What fortune!

Tails: The country may be beautiful, but the downside is there aren’t a great deal of jobs around. You go to work for the local farmer, doing odd jobs like sowing seeds and collecting firewood from dawn until dusk for a pittance and a hunk of bread. Still, some money is better than no money.

7. Is your boss nice to you?

Heads: You’ve lucked in, and your boss is kind and generous. You’ll get good food and maybe even a day off every other Sunday to go to church and spend time with your family.

Tails: Unfortunately, your employer doesn’t like you very much. You’re lower-class, and therefore lazy, devious, and untrustworthy. They will check up on you constantly, rifle through your personal belongings, and perhaps even beat you if they catch you looking out/in the window.

8. Wow, you’ve reached 20 years of age. Time to think about marriage. Will you find a suitable husband?

Heads: There’s not a huge amount of choice out in the countryside, but a half-decent man has come calling. He works on the farm down the road, isn’t a complete alcoholic, and is fairly easy on the eye. He’ll do.

Tails: You contracted smallpox a few years ago. Happily, you survived, but sadly, you were left badly scarred. Nobody wants to look at your horrible face. No suitors are found. You will spend the rest of your days alone, working hard and looking after your parents in their old age while your brother constantly complains that you’re a huge burden on the family. You’ll always have health complications and will die a bitter old maid at 50.

9. You’re pregnant! Will you survive the birth?

Heads: Thanks be to God, you endured the pain and lived to fight another day. Did the baby make it? Not sure, they need to start at the beginning of the game.

Tails: Ah, you had a good run. It’s a miracle you made it this far!

10. Will you reach old age?

Heads: Congratulations, you’re a real trooper. You live all the way to the absolutely ancient age of 62. You’ll die a relatively painless death from old person problems, surrounded by your 8 children and 64 grandchildren. Well played.

Tails: Let’s face it, it was always a long shot. You manage to pop out 5 kids before cholera hits the village well and takes out half the hamlet, including you. You're 31. You didn’t do too bad this game, though.

B: The City Life

6. You’re 8 now. That’s old enough to find paid employment! Do you find a good job?

Heads: You’ve been employed as a scullery maid at one of those upper-class houses by the park. It’ll be hard work, but not back-breaking or dangerous. You’ll be inside all day, sheltered from the foul, filthy streets and smelly, smoggy air. You’ll get food and a uniform. You’ll live in a fancy house, on a posh street, up in a little attic room you have to share with only one other person! What fortune!

Tails: You’re far too much of a raggedy urchin to set foot in one of those fancy houses by the park. You go to work at the factory at the end of the road, working as a “scavenger,” which means crawling under the monstrous machinery to clear it of any obstructions. It’s hot, dirty, dangerous, scary, and badly paid. Still, some money is better than no money.

7. Is your boss nice to you?

Heads: You’ve lucked in, and your boss is kind and generous. You’ll get good food and maybe even a day off every other Sunday to go to church and spend time with your family.

Tails: Unfortunately, your employer doesn’t like you very much. You’re lower-class, and therefore lazy, devious, and untrustworthy. They will check up on you constantly, rifle through your personal belongings, and perhaps even beat you if they catch you looking out the window.

8. Wow, you’ve reached 20 years of age. Time to think about marriage. Will you find a suitable husband?

Heads: There’s a huge amount of choice here in the city, but everyone sort of looks the same: filthy, skinny, and racked with health problems. A half-decent man has come calling. He works at the factory down the road, isn’t a complete alcoholic, and is fairly easy on the eye, under the grime. He’ll do.

Tails: You got trapped in the machinery a few years ago. Happily, you survived, but sadly, you were severely injured. Nobody wants to look at your mangled arm. No suitors are found. You will spend the rest of your days alone, working hard and looking after your parents in their old age while your brother constantly complains that you’re a huge burden on the family. You’ll always have health complications and will die a bitter old maid at 50.

9. You’re pregnant! Will you survive the birth?

Heads: Thanks be to God, you endured the pain and lived to fight another day. Did the baby make it? Not sure, they need to start at the beginning of the game.

Tails: Ah, you had a good run. It’s a miracle you made it this far!

10. Will you reach old age?

Heads: Congratulations, you’re a real trooper. You live all the way to the absolutely ancient age of 62. You’ll die a relatively painless death from old person problems, surrounded by your 8 children and 64 grandchildren. Well played.

Tails: Let’s face it, it was always a long shot. You manage to pop out 5 kids before cholera hits the water supply and takes out half the street, including you. You're 31. You didn’t do too bad this game, though.