The Pros and Cons of Live-Streaming with Anxiety

When the pandemic hit back in March 2020, many people were desperate to fill the sudden, gaping void of social interaction and even occupation through live-streaming sites. Ironically, I was already planning on taking the jump as I was massively burnt out and stressed from my retail job and as I was already planning on going back to university the coming year, was intrigued by the prospect of a uniquely fun side-gig.

I've been streaming on Twitch ever since, and while it's not all that I thought it would be (it's very hard to reach the success that very few streamers have achieved) surprising upsides along with the not-so-surprising downsides have come from it.

PRO 1: Practice Makes Perfect Through Virtual Communication

Let's start with the most obvious one. As someone who struggles with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and who is also a total introvert, being present with people is exhausting and intimidating. As a writer who stumbles consistently through speaking, pandemic time was prime for me as I was able to build connections through private messages--I've always found it so much easier to express myself and what I think through writing, but that's not usually practical.

Currently, I stream video games, and I speak to my viewers/chatbox (or myself). Because of this, I am able to keep my social skills sharp (well, sharp-ish--I will always be awkward as hell). You engage with a lot of people you don't know, and I was definitely anxious my first few streams about what that would have in store for me. But it gets easier, you make friends, and you definitely get more confident speaking to people in general.

CON 1: The Weirdos

There will always be weirdos, creeps who make you feel bad about yourself or uncomfortable, and that's even more common on the internet. Personally, I have been left pretty unscathed in my own streams, but I know people who are harassed and insulted, and that can be unbearably difficult especially when you're in the situation of being the more vulnerable party (speaking, face cam, etc.).

Sometimes in other people's streams, I'll come across messages that trigger my anxiety, and that will be put me in a funk. Twitch does give you the ability to report users/messages for a multitide of reasons, and that's something I have definitely taken advantage of as it provides me some peace of mind. Which actually brings me to my next pro.

PRO 2: Control, Control, Control

You're running an enteprise of social interaction which given the variables can be very scary to anyone, let alone someone with anxiety. However, with streaming, it is important to remember, that you get a lot of power that helps you cope with the uncertainty. With just the click of a mouse, you can ban, block, report and timeout users and/or delete their messages. You create the rules for your stream, and users must abide or suffer the above consequences. You also can get moderators (more commonly abbreviated to mods) to help you censor your chat the way you want it.

Remember that this is your enterprise. You get to choose whatever you want to do, as long as it follows Twitch's Terms of Service (You will hear it abbreviated to TOS a lot). If you're not comfortable with something, you don't have to do it. I know many streamers who don't show their face, and I even know a streamer who doesn't speak or show their face, and only communicates through message.

You get to create something personal, something that is your own. And that feels so rewarding; especially with someone with anxiety, as we tend to feel that we are never in control despite craving it so much. I've been working on my channel's rebranding, and I can't tell you how giddy I've been about rebuilding it and coming up with a bunch of ideas that make me-- and I hope my community--excited.

CON 2: The Gig Feels Personal

I am a very insecure person. I don't think many people like me, and it hurts. So streaming can sometimes suck, cause you get the statistics everytime you stream about how likable you are. While you stream you can see how many people are watching you, when your viewership suddenly drops and you wonder if it's because you did something cringe--it's very hard not to get caught up in all that. I know some streamers make sure they don't look at the viewer count when they stream, and they have said that helps, as they don't get too hung up on it during the stream.

It's also hard not to compare yourself to others. How some streamers have more followers, more monetary rewards, higher viewership, a more active chat--it's hard not to think you're doing something wrong.

The bottom line is, a lot of it is luck, and a lot of it is building a community within Twitch. As soon as I started hanging out in other people's streams, my follower count sky-rocketed (relatively). Even so, it's still hard not to get discouraged when you're not growing as fast as you hoped...all I can say is keep at it, if it's worth it to you--in whatever way that means.

PRO 3: Keepin' a Schedule

I know there's a lot of types of anxiety, and I'm personally the type that avoids all her problems like the plague. My bed is my sanctuary. I've been struggling with motivation for a long time, and I hate doing things. If I don't have class, I just want to stay in bed all day. Streaming has given me a purpose on my off-days. I'm usually relucant as hell to stream as I'd much rather lounge in bed like the potato I am, but I have a community that knows my stream schedule and expects me to stream on certain days and certain times. They keep me accountable, and pull me out of my apathetic, sleepy trance. Streaming makes me feel productive, and if there's anything I've learned that keeps someone unproductive, it's the continuous feeling that they are unproductive.

PRO 4: The Friendships

This is going to sound cheesy as hell, but it's honestly so true. Once I started interacting more with the Twitch community, I've made so many great friends. They are internet friends, sure, but the connections feel real, and I sometimes feel more valued and supported in these relationships than the ones I've made in real life. This may be in part because it's very easy to find people with shared interests, but I'm not taking it for granted. It feels special, even though I'm sure most will consider this odd. **Obviously still be safe and don't disclose personal information!! It is the internet afterall**

There it is. The pros and cons all laid out. With that said, I am so glad I started streaming, and it's definitely been a highlight in my life for the past few months, and I'm sure it will continue to be!

Thank you so much for reading! If you are a gamer/ on twitch or interested in streaming--I'm happy to talk more on Twitch! My channel is livjoanarc.

xoxo