'Monsieur De Tetris' - The Story Never Told

Monsieur de Tetris - Director’s Cut

The novelized version is at the end.

Background

Monsieur de Tetris was a school assignment, but for director and producer Joshua Cheon, it was so much more than just a student film. That’s me. There were many obstacles that stood in the way of getting a good result, but despite these odds, I knew I could get a good result. This was because I’m confident in everything I do. Even when I’m not sure about what I’m doing, I simply tell myself that I am, and voila.

There was a film that I was working on before this one, with another group, but that lot was highly dysfunctional. Missing shoot days to get shawarma from the plaza, dumping all the editing on one person. Quite frankly, they lacked the skills that I wanted all the members of my group to possess. They refused my direction as a director, and as a result, the progress was sluggishly slow.

“If you don’t like the idea, then just leave,” said one member.

So that’s what I did. This was on a Thursday when I broke away from the group, and the assignment was due on the following Monday. Obviously, I was on a tight schedule for the whole weekend.

Breakdown

First is the beginning scene. The opening dialogue was designed to roughly draw in the viewer’s attention, whilst simultaneously, setting the scene for what was to follow.

The opening credits with “Pier Gynt - Morning Mood” was put in to hone the viewer’s attention, to a very fine point, as opposed to the rough hook of the opening dialogue. The smooth camera work was done by taping a cell phone to the window of a car.

How did I do the backwards legs? That’s a trade secret ;) This scene is set in the morning time, but was actually filmed at 6 PM, because filming before school would be dicey, especially when I was using my friend’s house because it had a better aesthetic going from the house to the bus stop.

The bus ride scene was to prepare the viewers for the change that was to come to the overall tone of the movie, hoping to provide a refreshing element to the film.

As for the black and white era style? This was because one of the main actors that I found last minute, was seemingly unable to remember any lines whatsoever. This was when I was fascinated by the aesthetic of Buster Keaton and the like, but I had not seen enough of his films in order to know that I would be using too many title cards and that the cameras should stay static. I did, however, speed up the footage, to better emulate the choppy aesthetic of the era.

There are subtle nuances in the dialogue, which is a satirical reflection on the state of our society.

Parody mixed with truly emotional elements, the performance of “My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion was arranged by and performed by me.

The Tetris theme was also arranged by yours truly.

Overall, it is a film I am proud to present, Monsieur De Tetris.

***

Life, is a beautiful thing. Time never stops for the man who is late. Sometimes, life just goes too fast, sometimes too slow. Can the Soviets get to the moon? This is where our story begins. But at this time, Josh noticed that the sky was a little brighter, the air a little fresher than what he remembered at this time of day. He tried to check his watch, but it was buried under all the layers his mother had given him to wear. At this moment he knew, he should not have searched for his favourite socks.

He ran, like he never ran before, so fast that his leg went backwards. Luckily he made it in time and did not require the assistance of his parents to drive him. He enters his first class of the morning, and so begins the start of his school day.

He gets through half of the day, and it is now break time. He sees some boys playing on their DS, the familiar song catches his ear, Tetris.

“You guys playing Tetris, huh? Let me play with you guys,” he says as he whips out his Nintendo DS.

“Hmm, I don’t know dude, you’re Asian. I do not play such games with ‘Asians’. You all are no good. I bet your also yellow uncle has taught you all the cheat codes. This is why we're afraid of immigrants, all your uncles be crazy,” he says as he reels away.

“Fine, I’ll only use one hand. Sound good?” he asks as he holds out one hand.

“Okay then… I guess you can’t input cheats with just one hand.”

They have a fierce battle, and before they know it, Joshua has already won 14 times!

“Darn you Asians!!” the boy shouts as he shakes his fist in anger.

Just then, a wave of AXE body spray envelops the land in smog, and a figure emerges from the fog, as the music he carries around on his phone gets louder on the Bluetooth speaker.

“Hey there Chun Lee, heh, I bet I can kick your dragon balls. Hi there, I’m Chad Chadon, and I’m the coolest kid in school. All the girls love me, and I’m super good at dancing. My dad left me at the age of 9 at a gas station because the age of consent in Japan is 13, and that makes me cool! Now! Witness me, blood bag!! Witness!!!!” He grabs some more AXE body spray and sprays it into the back of his sweater, which is on the front because he thinks it’s cool and hip. “Destruction time… Where’s the power button, dude…?”

“Oh, it’s right here,” Josh says as he points out the power button, and they start playing. Joshua easily beats him, but this does not sit well with Chad.

“Beaten by an Asian?”

He gets up and ransacks Joshua.

“For your little stunt, I will destroy you and everything you love!” he says as he squats down on Joshua’s DS. “Go to Valhalla!!! What a lovely day!!!” He takes a long pee on top of the electronic device, damaging it forever. Physically, as well as spiritually. This requires a funeral.

“I’m so glad you all came, even though it’s just me here. Joshua, would you like to say a few words please?”

“Joshua, I don’t know, man. I am at a loss for words, dude. But I brought flowers.”

“Oh, okay then. Joshua if you would like to do the honours please.”

Joshua and Joshua take the imaginary stage, and the music performance begins.

The intro to Celine Dione’s “My Heart Will go on” starts to play on a recorder.

The funeral is now finished, and Josh sits quietly in his room.

“It cannot end this way. I will avenge you, dear friend,” he says as he looks at the pipe in the corner of his room.

He walks up to Chad Chadson and hits him with a *bonk*.

“Well, that’s what I get for using a plastic pipe I guess.”

The End.