The 'Evilest Wizard' is a Better Minion

If anyone recognizes the name John Dee, it's likely for one of two reasons. Either they read the Secrets of the Immortal Nicolas Flamel by Michael Scott or they've played a video game with an evil wizard/necromancer/alchemist. There is rarely a middle ground. (Middle ground could potentially include another book or maybe even a movie, but those are unicorns and I refuse to believe those people exists.)

But if the name is recognized, or even if it isn't, the moniker 'Occultist' and 'Necromancer' are still continuously connected to John Dee's name at every turn. After all, it's dramatic! The story depends on having that key character summon a hoard of undead or travel across the world trying to murder our protagonist.

Even a picture, made long after his death, originally contained a circle of skulls.

But truth can be stranger than fiction.

Dr. John Dee was an alchemist/astrologist born in 1527, which is the introduction every dry history book could possibly give, so lets skip that.

Very early on in his "career" as an astrologist and an alchemist, he decided to define the future of Queen Mary. This was a big no-no and he was tossed in the tower of London because, surprise! He divined that Elizabeth I would take the throne. (Or so the story goes. Good luck finding the primary sources, I dare you.)

So Elizabeth breaks him out when she becomes queen. Yaaaay - no dying in the Tower of London.

So he wanders off to become astrologist and advisor to Elizabeth and that's all nice and great. But how did this man become the figure of video game historical wizard basis. Is it the face? Fancy beard and all that, but really?

Well, I think it should be fair to start off the image of John Dee as easily conned.

Ridiculously easy.

One of his first employees to be his apprentice stole him blind and made off with his money.

A couple days later and the biggest mistake he'd ever make arrives at his doorstep in the form of Edward Kelley.

No one ever mentions Edward Kelley.

Kelley was a convicted thief (claimed to be reformed) and had the (supposed) chopped ears to prove it. He kept them hidden under a cap, which apparently didn't change the fact he was also supposedly hot. Thank you historical sources, you seem inclined to describe both of these men as hot. Not 'handsome' - which doesn't historically mean what it means now, but full on sentences describing how these random dudes who lived around the same time thought they were niiiiiiiiiiiice!!!

No, I don't see it either.

But either way, Kelley somehow he passed himself as a learned skryer to John Dee upon first meeting. He was introduced via a friend-of-a-friend and came during the same dates as a comet was crossing the sky (Halley's Comet, specifically). Dee took this as a sign or an omen. Too bad he didn't seem to realize who it might apply to.

He wanted Kelley to look into a black mirror of obsidian for him, which was apparently magical because it 1) didn't reflect the reversed image like a mirror and 2) was Aztec, which means foreign = magic.

Apparently the first thing Kelley said to John Dee was that he could talk to 'angels, demons, and fairies.' To which John Dee looked him dead in the eyes and said, 'never to say that again.' Angels were fine, but he drew the line at demons and fairies. Logically. Communing with heavenly beings was his secret desire anyway, so it was pretty easy to feed into that.

John Dee then employed Kelley to look into his black obsidian mirror that he just has around and slowly Kelley starts working out just what sorts of angel-visions would interest Dee. They start working together on trying to learn the language of angels. They would work on this language book which Kelley would state words for and Dee would transcribe. All while Kelley played a role of mild antagonist in the Dee's life, from diary stealing to wife-eyeing.

So far so good. You're probably wondering where the bigger problem comes in. Clearly Dee's getting into what might be called the occult (he wouldn't call it that, though. That's too edgy for Dee. He saw it as religious. Kelley would call it the occult. Kelley's far more edgy.) So what's the problem?

Well, whoops, angel talking ain't exactly a good thing to do, now is it? Those are holy beings, no talking to them. [slaps with a newspaper.]

And everyone knew this too. Dee's reputation starts to plummet. Worse, when he becomes fascinated by a foreign dignitary and takes his whole family to Bohemia.

No, no, no, tsk tsk, can't do that Dee.

They sack his library and steal all his books. Destroy a good portion of the house too.

And what should happen there? Well, the most infamous thing possible to color Dee as the bad guy for the rest of media history to this point.

Kelley and Dee fight for ages on this little trip. The people of Bohemia are impressed though, because while Kelley is there, he puts on a show and turns base metal into gold. Actual gold. Poof! Tons of people see it. 100% wasn't slight of hand (insert your choice level of sarcasm here). And someone there sends word back to England that they should really get this Kelley person back on their side, 'cause he might start giving gold to people other than England.

Kelley's claims are a bit all over the place and he keeps stealing Dee's diary to correct the records, so things are a bit hazy, but at some point near the end of their stay, he up and quits in a fit. Dee tries to trains up his son, Arthur, to replace him, but this infuriates Kelley more. (Yes, despite quitting, that apparently means 'no please, stick around.') So after terrorizing the 11 year old a bit, he comes back. And BAM.

First thing he sees in a mirror is a naked lady.

Are we surprised?

And said lady is supposedly an angel and he conveys to Dee that, 'she says we should share everything [sexy eyebrow wiggle.]'

And Dee's an idiot so he's like, 'Oh of course, you are my brother in everything.'

And Kelley just dead-pans, 'I - she - means our wives.'

Should I add context that Kelley's wife has yet to produce him an heir? And he hates her? And he's been making eyes at Dee's much younger wife for years to the point that Dee's wife has begged to have him fired?

Yeah.

And Dee, after pleading that there must be a mistake, agrees.

Six months later, there's a son who suspiciously doesn't look like all the other Dee kids. Wonder how that happened.

Needless to say, that ruins the marriage and the employment a bit. And what should happen? Kelley, later knighted as Sir Edward Kelley, gets favored over Dee when the queen sends for him and not Dee. To add insult to injury, it's Dee's friend who delivers the news, completely ignoring Dee as he gives it. Dee gets the sack (politely nudged into retirement) and Kelley gets the loot. And does Dee cut all ties? Nope. Does he stop employing shady dudes? Nope.

According to potentially legend, at some point Kelley falls out of favor with a noble of some sort and is imprisoned. And who should bale him out? John Dee, pulling out a money worthy heist of drugging the guards, supplying the horses ... and expecting Kelley to come back to him.

Kelley took off with the horses.

Dee's final days are spent in terrible debt and a good chunk of his inheritance (what's left), going to his latest skryer rather than his own firstborn son or the rest of his family.

So what about media portrayals of John Dee as the evil mastermind of all wizard-kind? Michael Scott has a charismatic immortal wizard who sold his soul to an evil, ancient god. But he's also this amazing planner who somehow can see where everything is going. While historically, John Dee was a limp dishrag who wasn't able to hold up against the men he employed. Video games make him out to be a diabolical evil magician with amazing wit. Movies have him as this great inventor (true enough) who is completely off his rocker (decently accurate) and somehow is also the mastermind of everything.

A lot of folks miss the great opportunity that he's the minion. This man is the minion material.

Honestly, Kelley's the mastermind. Pick on Kelley. He's the one who somehow supposedly knew how to summon ghosts in a graveyard.

-------------------------

Author's Note:

To as accurate research as I have thus far made it, these points are historically accurate. I make no claims to be 100% right and I have excited the language to make for a more interesting story. Take this with a grain of salt.

The bit about Kelley and Dee in a graveyard summoning ghosts is only upheld by one witness and was likely a story started to demonize both of them more than they already were. Kelley did claim to talk to all sorts of things though.

But also look these dudes up. History is wild and the whole timeline is crazy. I'd love to see them around more, accurate portrayal or not.

Side note, The Queen's Conjuror: The Life and Magic of Dr. Dee by Benjamin Woolley is a 10x better resource than The Life of Dr. John Dee (1527 - 1608) by Charlotte Fell Smith. The latter has enough historical inaccuracies and inconsistencies to sink a ship. Don't always trust Wikipedia's sources, sometimes they try, but this was a poor choice of online available resource and I will rant about it 'til my dying breath. The Queen's Conjuror as well as primary and secondary resources was what I primarily pulled from. (The Diary of Dr. John Dee is available on Gutenberg. Dry as a desert, but it's there.)

All images are public domain.