Charity

I’m Charity, I’m 5ft1 with reddish brown hair and I look and dress like a Librarian. Are you seeing me in a pink or green twin set with pearls?

I meant boring not out of date. You’ve heard of tall and willowy? Short and cynical describes me better and I’ve got a violent streak. I make no apologies, we are what we are after all and the least I can do is own it.

I always do the least I can do.

Why should you care?

What’s so special about me?

Well in the world of crap luck I was born into, I had one tiny bit of luck early on and that one tiny bit of luck brought me to the attention of big Al. Ironically that tiny bit of luck is the curse of Scattergood and yes I know it doesn’t sound particularly lucky.

I argued Anastasias out of the 6th circle of Hell. Which is actually the sixth floor of a building that is built into the ground in Texas, that’s where Raoul is from, or Satan as he is commonly referred to. It used to be a bunker. It was built by a millionaire doomsday prepper. Raoul won it in a bet.

I am the coffee shop manager in that building. Besides being a front for the building containing the most evil in the world, we make the best coffee in Hell.

We also sell protection spells, talismans, soap and incense.

Heavy duty religious ceremonial incense, I make it especially to quell the smell of burning flesh that wafts up now and then from the sixth floor.

That smell is also why we don’t sell food. People aren’t keen to buy food from us. The sixth floor here is where they keep all the Heretics.

Anastasias was a Byzantine Emperor and these days you’d say his association with big Al was as a poker buddy. But the game was Ur, sort of like chess using knucklebone dice. Oh yeah and it could tell your fortune. Pity they didn’t see the imprisonment coming.

This day I went down with the incense delivery as usual, you can buy it for less upstairs with me but by the time the visitors realise they need it they are usually on the sixth floor and so shit scared that they don’t want to go anywhere without a real good reason or a body guard. So Jamal and Easer my favourite enterprising idiots, worked out a scam to charge more and keep the profit. It’s hardly worth it, but hey, not my circus not my monkeys.

Anyway I’m down there and they’re bringing Anastasias in, he’s crying and pleading and looking around for help, not very Emperor really, I hate whiny men so I’m doing my best to ignore him. I’ve grown a callus over my feelings working here so it’s easier to deal with the pleading.

“Here’s the incense.” I thrust it in Easers general direction.

"Have you got Nagchampa this time?”

"No it doesn’t cover the smell, I’ve told you that before.” I handed over the bundle and waited for the money. “And don’t try to stiff me this time, I can count.”

“That was an accident.” Said Easer I’m having trouble with dollars.”

“I will give my mean streak a run the next time you have trouble with dollars.” I said to him.

He laughs nervously and hands me my money.

I'm just about to the elevator when I think I can see daylight coming from somewhere. I think it strange because there are no windows in the Hades building. I’ve learned over my time working here that if there’s some kind of weirdness especially where light is concerned it can mean we are about to be attacked by Heavens warriors.

But maybe I’m having a migraine, I’ve been afflicted for years and they sometimes start with weird light and bits missing out of whatever I’m looking at. I turn and look around. Anastasias looks different from the others I’d seen brought in but it could just be my headache, somethings not right and I can’t put my finger on it. There is a thin blue outline on him, I move so I can look at him directly, it’s bright now, it burns like midday daylight streaming through a crack in the wall of a pitch black room. I moved closer and I can smell ozone. I’m convinced he shouldn’t be here and before I can think “Hey” I yell at the guard “this one is innocent.”

Guards dropped him like he's on fire. No one here wants to touch a potential innocent. Innocence around here is like a disease. “We release him into your custody.” the tall centurion tells me ceremoniously. “Sign him out at the counter.” and they disappear, literally.

So now here I am standing in the middle of the floor with a Byzantine Emperor looking at me. “What just happened?” What did I say that for?

Easer and Jamal are smirking. “Who’s the idiot now?”

“Shut up.” I grab the emperor’s arm and pulled him toward the counter window. I can’t let them see this has me rattled. Act natural.

“Name of the dammed?” says a disembodied voice.

The paperwork took about an hour, luckily I had a backup staff member to look after the shop. Katie Minion can’t make coffee worth a damn but she’s enthusiastic.

Groaning after mentally working out the cost of having Katie look after my afternoon rush, I make my way to the entrance Byzantine in tow.

Apparently when they relinquish someone into your custody here that someone is actually limited to within a distance of you at all times. As a result realise I can drive off in my car and he would be dragged along behind me.

I smile.

*****

I arrived home around 3pm and the Byzantine now sat at my table is looking at the sandwich I gave him with heavy suspicion. Not surprising really as sandwiches weren’t invented until 1762, when a well-known gambler and Earl who didn’t want to leave the gaming table to eat, was brought by his cook? You guessed it a sandwich.

I slump into the chair opposite my new house guest and flip through the paperwork they gave me when I blurted out...well lets not dwell on that.

The aforementioned paperwork informs me that Under Article 8 of the Charter of Fundamental Rights and Basic Freedoms pertaining to the soul. A suspect must be immediately familiarized with the grounds of damnation, then must be interviewed and within 48 hours either released or charged and placed in the appropriate circle of Hell. In the event that an innocent or a Seer proclaims the innocence of the damned, the potentially damned is released into their custody.

Check, that’s where I came in. The innocent or Seer is granted an initial 38 hours to prepare a case and argue the innocence of the damned with the express purpose of having the soul released into heaven.

“So what did they tell you about why you were taken Anny”?

The Byzantine looked up briefly from his sandwich. “Who is Anny”?

“You are, answer my question.”

“My name is…”

“I know but I shorten everything so let’s get on with it.” Waving my hand in a hurry up gesture.

Sensing the violence in me or maybe being a tiny bit grateful that I rescued him, he nodded.

“They took me from my bed.”

“Yadda, Yadda, Yadda, get to the part where they told you why they took you.”

“I am accused of being a heretic.”

“Right and that is? Wait don’t tell me, something to do with non-conformist behaviour?”

“Geez, if that was a crime now half of …well actually come to think of it we do live in the time of sheep.” “So Anny, did you do it?”

“I’m not a heretic.”

“Well now how do I prove that?”

Knock knock

I squinted through the peephole, Katie Minion with my takings for the day. Dressed in two tea towels with safety pins at the shoulders and hips, hair like a Troll, in bright yellow tufts.

I fling open the door and walked back to the computer.

“Hey.” “Here are the takings. “ She dumps them in the middle of the table. Immediately the Byzantine starts rummaging through the bags.

“Leave that!” I warn him.

Katie, looking over my shoulder, “Whatcha doing?”

“Well, Anny here is accused of being a Heretic and a few hours ago I was convinced, even though I didn’t know what he was accused of that he was entirely innocent, now I have to prove that. If you can’t help get out.”

“I’m going, I’m no good at historical puzzles and anyway I have a date.” She says exiting the way she came in. “Yep a hot date.”

“Not interested, not your girlfriend, don’t care, shut the door behind you.”

“You are an objectionable girl.” Says the Byzantine.

“Woman.” I correct.

“Have you no friends?” He asks

“Would you like me to call some and go for a drink, I can leave all this so you can be incarcerated in the sixth level of Hell if you like?”

“I’m sorry, proceed.” Sheepishly.

“Yeah that’s what I thought.”